Newest Members
lilac, The Wife Of, smusab, whiteflag, North101
12287 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
cards (33), korbin2003 (39), Rosemary (53), Zebra (47)
Who's Online
3 registered (86, 2 invisible), 27 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12287 Members
73 Forums
63212 Topics
442011 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#36971 - 10/27/06 09:02 PM Just a thought
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
I was thinking just how hard it would be, to tell anyone what happened when I was ten yo.
I was threatened with a kn*fe, and told that my family would be killed if I told.

He said he knew where I lived, and would come after me and finish me off, and I was in blind terror, so much so, that my father bundled us down to the cop shop.

I guess I was too terrified to tell them what really went on, but they should have picked up on the violence of the incident.

I never told them of the threats, nor my father who bugged me to tell him, but imagine the fear he put into me.

If anyone uses threats like these to kids, they ought to go away for a considerable time.
Sorry, I have to cut this story short, but they can rot in HELL,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

Top
#36972 - 10/27/06 09:10 PM Re: Just a thought
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
Steve - you are right they should rot in hell.

Let's keep stoking the fires for them, so it's extra hot when they get there.

Best wishes ...Rik

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

Top
#36973 - 10/27/06 09:29 PM Re: Just a thought
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Rik,

I cut the story short because I feel fear talking about it, and guess its pretty bad going back.
If I was a judge who knew a kid was threatened this way, I would impose the longest sentence.

Nobody could ever be in the mind of an abused kid, let alone one who thinks his abuser keeps him quiet by the threat of death.

When I wrote this, I thought like the little kid crying in the rain, that nobody cared, and he was so alone with nobody to turn to, and it really hurts to think, that this was me back then, but I did tell, and it made my life Hell too,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

Top
#36974 - 10/27/06 11:38 PM Re: Just a thought
bc22 Offline
Member

Registered: 09/22/06
Posts: 82
Loc: indiana
If only we all had the courage to tell when it was happening. There would be less perps and less screwed up people. There is a special place in hell for the perps, and they will suffer for all of our suffering and pain. Thank you for sharing and I hope that fear can be conquered, because you are deserving and you are worthy of healing!
BC


Top
#36975 - 10/27/06 11:52 PM Re: Just a thought
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Ste,

I think you hit on a really important point when you talk about threatened kids. Surely we need to work towards a situation in society where a kid who has been hurt feels he will be safe, understood, believed and supported if he tells. Clearly that's not the case now.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#36976 - 10/28/06 12:13 AM Re: Just a thought
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
Ste - the way I see it, as an abused kid, I never had the mental capacity to deal with what happened. I was dealing with growing up and all the associated hormonal changes / loosing the supportive family hierarchy that I had because we had moved town (very few cars in those days), and the discovery of a new 'friend' who seemed just like the uncles/grandparents that I couldn't contact on a daily basis.

I stopped crying at 12 - that's when I built a wall around my heart. It was nearly taken down again a couple of times, but I was let down again, so it stayed up until just a few years ago when I started fighting back.

It's never easy to fight back, but I think it's better than running away.

I'm still in the metamorphosis stage - don't know if I'll become the proverbial butterfly? What I do know, is that I detest injustice now, and believe that I have a pretty good understanding of what real injustice is - I think that is a good thing. I am also becoming better at verbalising it.

When I think of rain, I remember the night I told the police! It was a really bad night from a weather perspective - I'd been out drinking good beer but decided to go home after drinking enough (?). It was late, dark and absolutely ****ing down. I've given the story before, but the policeman pulled up in his patrol car, near the railway museum (newest in the UK & multiple award winning)...it was just being built then. Same as how the sites of abuse were along the old lines so many years ago. I still have the videos in my head.

I cried in my heart for so long, and no one ever guessed. I was always the strong one, the one that helped everyone else. I could never admit that, so how would anyone else have the chance to realise that. I was always the happy one (appearance). I was even given a clown's name at one point, because I was always laughing... that song maybe was right...the tears of a clown.

Sometimes I still hide behind that face, but I know that the last few years have taught me a lot. I know that whatever happens in the next few years (or however long I have, be that 1 year or 50) I will continue to learn.

Rain makes grass grow. It is not supposed to be good to let grass grow under your feet. If the rain of tears can make grass grow under my feet, then I will be happy - I would rather I helped something grow, than leave it dried out and in the dark.

Sometimes we don't know when others care or not. One of the memories that came back to me when I let the whole lot download, was one that really hurt.

I remember after I stopped the abuse (even though I didn't know that's what it was), one day I walked into the house feeling really sorry for myself. My Mother was in the kitchen cooking the tea (evening meal), I just shouted at her that 'nobody loved me, and nobody cared about me at all.' I still remember that look of absolute shock, horror and hurt on her face...it's about 37 years on now.

All my parents ever did was work to provide us with everything they could. It wasn't like it is now, where so much is easily available.

We ate really good food...clothes and toys weren't quite so good, but what is the most important?

Anyway Steve, I think I have started rambling on your post.

I think it's because I didn't tell then and it hurt for so long not telling. I've told so many years down the line, and it hasn't exactly been a magical experience, but it is one I would repeat every day for the rest of my life if it just saves one other person from this.

I hope that some kids/adults come here and get the strength to seek help as soon as they can, not to waste decades like so many here. I think the sooner it is sorted, the better.


Crying in the rain....without the elements, we are lost.

Best wishes and sleep well...Rik

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

Top
#36977 - 10/28/06 01:34 AM Re: Just a thought
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 979
Loc: HULBERT OK
I think that a person that commits sexual abuse should be locked up for life . Because the damage that they do to the victom lasts a lifetime

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.