Hi, my fraternal brothers.
This gay boy of Manny years ago, who was born and raised Roman Catholic. A "precious gift from God." Abused by his "mom." Strangers and a friend of the family.
I gave up my religion as I told God to take a hike, as I didn't need him.....Where were YOU when I needed YOU? I was 15 years old. I tried to get close to HIM while in the military, but it was a love, hate relationship and i gave it all up completely.
Fast forward to 2 years & 4 months ago. While at a WoR I was seeking myself, my inner child. Who was I? What was I? So I made a deal with God. Yep, me, the one who didn't need him anymore. If I got young Pete back, I will give up my compulsive M'ing & I will try and come back to you.
I received young Pete back. It wasn't a few days later I broke my first part of the deal. A bit later I did get the courage to go to church. Back to the religion of my birth. Back to where that young boy truly believed that if his earthly "mom" didn't love or want him, surely his Heavenly Mother did. I didn't think that She did either.
I had a long talk with the parish priest asking him if there was a place at the table for this gay man. After all we were all the "Children of God." Made in his image & likeness. Well, Pete, you want to go to confession? Nope. Are you going to change your lifestyle? Nope. Well Pete, I cannot keep you from coming to Mass, however you cannot take part in any of the sacraments. You are welcome to come and pray. But that's it.
So, after a year I gave that up too.There is no room at the table in the Catholic church for Gay's period. My deal with God was finally broken completely.
During these past three years in dealing with the after effects of CSA, in all my T sessions, in all my 12 week PTSD sessions, in all of those four WoR's in all those recovery books and here in MS. It has been suggested that part of healing is also getting in touch with our spirituality.
(Let me make it clear they do not advocate any religion period.)
However, perhaps you need help from a Higher Power. What ever you consider what that might be. I remember that from my AA meetings.
So, now at this point in my recovery, i need some spiritual help. I was talking to a very good friend of mine. He wrote an address on a paper napkin for me. He told me that it was a Gay/Lesbian center. A place where i would be welcomed with open hearts and minds. A place where I could try and shed my extreme shyness & loneliness. I went there, I found other brothers & sisters like me. They welcomed me, made me feel at home and part of their (our) family.
Oh, yes, it's a church too.
It's a Spirit Of Christ, Metropolitan Community Church. This one where I attend we all are Gay men and women. Our pastor is an ordained minister, he also was sexually abused as a gay young boy, and he is in a partnership. He understands perfectly well where we stand in God's love. Our communion table is for everyone, any time. We are his children too, he loves us, and don't ever forget it, Peter. I'm still trying.
So, this ex Catholic-agnostic-now Christian boy/man has found his God/Supreme Being/Great Spirit, what ever label you want to use. I am finally at home with HIM. You can be too.
Long winded and maybe slightly off the main topic.
Heal, well my fraternal brothers, heal well.
"I will take that lost boys hand, and I will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity." As he is me.
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.