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#36922 - 06/05/03 12:30 PM Re: Different help for all of us
PeteT Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/03/03
Posts: 28
Loc: Michigan
Yeah! Keep them coming guys. I need some ideas for new hobbies. I am currently going to the gym to try to lose about 30 pounds so I look good in the tux for my daughters wedding. I have to get rid of my pot belly. I am running on the treadmill and I'm up to 2 miles. I like to be able to run a 5 K run by the end of the summer. The wedding is in Oct. \:D

_________________________
Pete

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#36923 - 06/05/03 01:32 PM Re: Different help for all of us
Cement Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/05/02
Posts: 740
Loc: Southern California
I bought a basketball hoop for my son and put it together about a month ago. That was way more physical exertion than I expected! He really helped too, and it was so satisfying when it was finished.

Now, almost every evening, we go to the side driveway and play one on one. Our rules: I can play defense, but once he goes into his shooting motion I am not allowed to move (after all, I am 6'3" and he is about 4'7"). What fun!

I also try to work in the yard, garden, etc.

AND I started to build a shed (slowly). That will be my first time building something like that.

It is interesting you should bring this up now, MikeChurch, because just prior to this last month, I spent a few months feeeling very tired, and I wasn't doing any of this stuff.

Then I somehow found the way to drag myself out. Once I started moving I have found it a lot easier to keep moving.

Peace,
James

_________________________
And let the darkness fear our light.

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#36924 - 06/06/03 06:46 AM Re: Different help for all of us
ernie Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/26/02
Posts: 121
Loc: Portland, Maine
I have this great 65 Buick that I love to crank up on a sunny day and just hit the road. My dalmation is my companion, he enjoys the scenery and the ride is terrific. The pride I take in this 18ft hunk of steel and the thrill of driving it allows me to return to 1965 and be a kid again. I am also part of the Big Brother Program in Portland and am a sponsor for a 10 year old boy. The pleasure of helping him with his homework, making a model car, flying a kite, going swimming is unbelievable, it has allowed me to do some of the things i had wished my father had taken time to do with me.
Stay strong, be a kid again once in a while.
Bob

_________________________
The roads of life are full of stones but, they can be moved take my hand we will help each other.

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#36925 - 06/06/03 10:38 AM Re: Different help for all of us
James_dup1 Offline


Registered: 04/13/02
Posts: 1332
Loc: Wyoming
Mike what a very cool thread. Thanks for starting it. The timing on it is funny, for me at least. Talking in the chat room, Steve is helping me see I need to do more with my life than sit around and think about my SA. Now, I try to use the excuse that I cant do the things I like to do ie: go for drives in the counrty, we dont have a car right now, build models (which I love to do), etc. But Im finding that a lot of the excuses I am giving myself are just that excuses. Yesterday I called to see about yoga class's, $50.00 a class for each eight week session. Living no a fixed income it's hard to come up with the money for such things. However, my wife and I have been talking about starting to go for a walk in the evenings, so for now we have started walking to the end of my hallway and going down one flight of stairs (we live on the third floor with no elevator), it's hard to just do that I smoke to much and eat like Im a kid and dont have to worry about my heart. We are slowly going to try to change this. I have started to take very long bubble baths, they help me relax so much, funny how a tub full of bubbles will recharge a soul. The timing of this tread is weard, you say it's not for anyone person, but I wonder if it's not talking to directly to me, lol. I think the biggest problem with me trying to do something for me is because of my SA. I dont feel Im worth having fun, or looking good, or etc..... And part of me may want to have that heart attact, maybe deep down inside it's my way of "trying" to kill myself, now I dont know this for fact just things I've been wondering about. I mean I know what I need to do inorder to live longer and see my kids finish school, get married, have kids of there own and maybe even see some great grand children, I just dont do any of them. I always use the excuse of "I dont have the money to do/join/buy "bla"". Well that may be the truth, I may not have the money to buy a car right now, I may not have the money to join a gym or pay for yoga classes, I may not have the money to get the supplies I need to build a model (trust me on this one it takes more than a bottle of glue, when I do this is has to be perfict, I can spend 6 months putting a car together). But....what I do have is two good feet and I live about a half a mile from the river here which has a very nice river walk. So I could start walking, short distances at first then a bit longer and then longer till I can make it to the river and then I could feed the ducks or the gesse or just walk and enjoy the view of the river. What I need is not money (yea right lol) what I need is better self worth so I know that Im worth the time and engery it is going to take to make a commentment to me to make a change in my life. Well I think Im done rambleing for now, sorry it jumps around so much. Once more Mike thanks for this tread, how cool to see what other's do for fun. If I could make a wish of what I could do I would have a room of my own where I could build my model's I get so lost in them when Im doing that, my fav to build is clipper ships, let me tell you if you've never tried to ties the rigging on one of them you have no idea what your missing ;o). ok thats all from me for now.
James

_________________________
I have more issues than Rolling Stone!


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#36926 - 06/10/03 11:07 PM Re: Different help for all of us
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
Mike,

After my initial shock at discovering this forum, and once the smoke started to clear, it dawned on me that I had made many strides over the last few decades in my recovery from the effects that the early abuse would cause. \:\(

I have fought this fight alone for nearly 40 years, never once along the way finding anyone trustworthy enough, who could truly understand. How can this make sense to someone who has not gone through it? It is hard enough for me, a former victim, to undertand.

However, having been relegated to loner status, I decided that survival was my responsibility and so 20 years ago at the age of 30 made the decision to leave an emotionally bankrupt marriage and traded a life of drinking, drugs and other mind-numbing activites for a life of sobriety. Have not had a drink since day one, but I'll tell you, my recovery has not been all that clean. I have been known to take a few too many tylenol PM's when the going got a little too tough........

Anyway, after 2 years in recovery, I got clean enough to begin working on a degree(I would be the first one in the family to have one). After going for two years, it got to be too much, what with raising a family of 3 and working way too much, so I had to put things on hold.
Finally, in 2000 I finished with 6 years worth of credits and graduated cum laude with an award for excellence. I am proud to say that three newspapers have thought enough about my music making efforts in the community to write articles about it. Not too shabby for a kid who in his grade and high school daze (the years of abuse by older brother) pulled c's and d's. (Guys, please don't think I'm sitting here braggin' -- far from it; this is just s humble testimony to the resolve of the wounded wolven spirit..... [insert howling wolf emoticon] OK Ron but only becuz you asked! [Victor/Wuamei the Editor] \:D

Also, my 30 year nicotine dance is over :p , but it wasn't until I got away from my family of origin that I was able to dwell in the realm of possibility, and also began to satisfy a lifelong interest in musical composition. After moving from Pittsburgh post graduating, I find myself in Mpls in a great job and going to work on my Master's this fall.

In my Navy daze, I was raped at knifepoint also, but I often forget about that chapter, but the plus is, that over the last couple of years I became an SA advocate for Dakota County and recently became a volunteer at Open Arms of Mpls.

I have gotten outta my own head in many regards, and began to focus more on the needs of others, and in the process have become a kinder, gentler person, and have even won the affection of my terrier Murdoch and my Eclectus Parrot Stonewall Jackson. They like being with me, even when I don't necessarily like being with myself. Hey, if animals can stand to be around you, that's not nuttin'! ;\)

At any rate, I am missing the friendship of folks whose experience I can resonate with. Even through all of the recovery, til finding you all, my sense of being cared for had been sorely vacant.

Thanks for the opportunity to share, and in the future, I will try to remember, however difficult, to weigh each negative with a positive when I post.

Peace and gratitude

Ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#36927 - 06/11/03 09:39 AM Re: Different help for all of us
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Ron:

What a post my brother wolf ( please insert a big pack howling fellow moderator-Ime too dumb)

[OK Mike here it is: . But don't call my friend Mike dumb! :p Just remember Al's recent instructions.]

You are definitely an inspiration to everyone here. Especially the young wolves who think more in black and white whereas age brings out all those shades of grey. Not to offend these young brothers do I say this but to reveal the whole spectrum. We old farts draw inspiration from the young wolves and they dont even realize it. It helps us relive through them what being young is like. Thank god we are a mix here.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#36928 - 06/11/03 09:45 AM Re: Different help for all of us
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Ron:

After editing your post, I figured the least I could do is respond to it. Or maybe the least I could have done was not respond?!...

Somewhat like yourself, Ron, I've had to battle my
way out of (and for now at least stay away from) an abusive family of origin, a bad 1st marriage, also addictions to narcotics, tobacco, & alcohol. Got good grades until high school when I got put in a childrens home then went way downhill. No cum laude but went back to college 5 years later, made Dean's list, ditto when I went back to school 10 years later.

(Hey Ron why shouldn't we be a bit proud of that stuff? We were survivors then; we are survivors now! )

Did this pretty much on my own & not knowing what I was doing until college when I found God & got married again, but still pretty much alone until about 2 years ago when I started remembering my SA and began serious recovery (I'm 46).

Quote:
... began to satisfy a lifelong interest in musical composition.
My interest is in a different kind of composition:
I am a writer, working on a couple of books & articles now. My interest in music involves listening & enjoying it. What kind of music do you compose?

Quote:
In my Navy daze, I was raped at knifepoint also, but I often forget about that chapter, but the plus is, that over the last couple of years I became an SA advocate for Dakota County and recently became a volunteer at Open Arms of Mpls.
Ron what horrors you are overcoming and what great work you are doing on behalf of us all. This is the kind of advocacy for male survivors I am striving to do. You are da wolf, man! No wonder your critters like you!

Bein' a Southern boy, gotta love the name of your parrot (what's an Eclectus Parrot BTW?)! \:\) Your terrier--is he by chance named after Howlin Mad Murdoch of "The A Team?!"

Ron, like you, like so many here, I am very grateful to have found all of the fine men here, including you.

Hey I found plenty of positives in your post. But no sweat, sometimes we gotta get the negatives out too. It is good to try to keep positive as much as we can with one anothers' support.

Thanks for your good words and for the sharing of your ESH (Experience Strength Hope).

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#36929 - 06/11/03 09:54 AM Re: Different help for all of us
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...

\:o


Wuamei, Mike
You guys are the greatest; you made my day LOL

\:D \:D \:D

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#36930 - 06/11/03 01:17 PM Re: Different help for all of us
joeybird Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/03
Posts: 8
Loc: FLA
Great post , well not have kids you must find things that are of interest to you i have a few people that i play chess with and cards but i would have to say that the one thing that helps me get my mind off of things is voluteering at a homeless shelter here in fla it is so nice to see that most people are so greatful for a little help that i can give back you see my wife and i are homeless and are looking to find affordable houseing here in the area of fla that we live in but everyday i spend 4 to 5 hours doing laundry for this shelter and i know that when we are back on our feet i will continue to help out when and were i can

_________________________
THE PAIN WE FEEL MAY NEVER LEAVE US BUT WE WILL SORVIVE WITH BROTHERHOOD . HUGS TOO MY BREOTHERS

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#36931 - 06/11/03 01:36 PM Re: Different help for all of us
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Joey Bird:
What can I say but bless you for a heart of gold. And my brother wolf you will get back on your feet.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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