Hope things are well with everyone...haven't posted in a while, as I continued to ride my rollar coaster. Last weekend we fought, which now when we do I'm acting like a crazy person I don't want to know. Fought over nothing really, but as most of you know, I can't have issues with him, or complain, so I was kicked out off the car,and I'm cut off from contact even as I begged him not to totally cut me off (so embarrassed my my desparate melt down to stop him and just talk to me)...it triggers trama from childhood for me, but still nothing from him. I may have said some mean things I didn't mean,but I apologized: still silence. As u know I have been with him, stayed through lies/deception, porn addiction, no sexual relationship, and other distancing tactics. Break up, therapy, back together. Somehow we go from total love to nothing: painful.And I've decided I have to HAVE to walk for now (broken record) and save the goodness I have left. I unerstand its my part in my own demise, but I appreciate words of encouragement, as my little girl inside still wants his love so badly, but at this point I feel like I've woken up with new reslove... Why would I want to give everything to someone who would treat me like trash?! Where have I gone??? Wow! Losing myself happend so slowly that I didn't see it... I now see i need to support myself/love me and know I'm worth more... I just wanted to share as I know the next weeks will be hard... I send big hugs to all and feel happy that I will start a new journey to save ME!