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#367935 - 08/11/11 03:01 PM How did your husband disclose to you??
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1736
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Hi partners
I'm doing a little personal research and I was wondering.

1; How did your partner tell you of his CSA?
2; Did you suspect there was something wrong?
3; Did he immediately start a program of recovery?

These are a few questions running around in my head, so If you would let me know I would be eternally grateful.

Heal well all

Martin

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#367938 - 08/11/11 04:31 PM Re: How did your husband disclose to you?? [Re: whome]
GoodHope Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/05/11
Posts: 417
1. He came home from the therapy he was seeking for porn addiction and said something like "I was abused when I was a child"

2. I never in a million years would have guessed he was abused. I was also surprised about the porn addiction.

3. He immediately QUIT recovery. It took 3.5 years, return of porn and confessed affairs for him to return to a recovery program. Him getting help is was the only thing I would accept in exchange for not leaving him.

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#367972 - 08/12/11 01:34 AM Re: How did your husband disclose to you?? [Re: GoodHope]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1736
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Thanks Eldee
Thanks for the honest answers

Stay strong
Martin

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#367996 - 08/12/11 12:09 PM Re: How did your husband disclose to you?? [Re: whome]
Shawushka Offline


Registered: 01/05/11
Posts: 128
Loc: VA
1; How did your partner tell you of his CSA?
I found out that he had been cheating on me. Confronted with his transgressions and the real possibility of me leaving I think he felt forced to tell me.

2; Did you suspect there was something wrong?
Very much. First I suspected something, then discovered the cheating. However that took place early in our relationship when we were head over heels in love. So the cheating somehow didn't make sense to me. Then anything he told me about it didn't make sense (you know the picking-up-men-from-craigslist-story).
Whatever he told me, however he appoligized and however he tried to make it look like he was just had a big sexual appetite there was a gut feeling that there was more to it.

3; Did he immediately start a program of recovery?
No. He keeps finding reasons to postpone, the new job, the big project, the summer vacation, etc. etc. But he started reading some books about it and is slowly, slowly opening up to the idea of therapy.


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#368030 - 08/13/11 02:29 AM Re: How did your husband disclose to you?? [Re: Shawushka]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1736
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Thanks Shawushka
Your so brave and I appreciate your responding to the post.
Heal well and look after yourself

Martin

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#368033 - 08/13/11 04:22 AM Re: How did your husband disclose to you?? [Re: whome]
kjessie Offline


Registered: 02/12/11
Posts: 28
Hey Martin

1. Within the first weeks we met online, before even falling in love, he mentioned he was abused as a kid. That was it. The whole story came out 2 moths later.


2. Well I know about the abuse before I really knew him well, so there was no time for me to suspect.

3. He just started therapy 2 weeks ago, because he being a student didn't give him the chance to pay for therapy.


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#368238 - 08/16/11 02:17 PM Re: How did your husband disclose to you?? [Re: kjessie]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1736
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Thanks Kjessie

You guys keep up the good work in your country, You are a inspiration to me In my country.

Keep in touch.

Martin

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Matrix Men Blog

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#368744 - 08/23/11 10:08 AM Re: How did your husband disclose to you?? [Re: whome]
sugarbaby Offline


Registered: 08/17/08
Posts: 377
1; How did your partner tell you of his CSA?
He was freaking out one night over watching a news piece about abusive priests and I just screamed at him (I had just had enough at this point) "what the f*ck is your problem" until he finally told me.

2; Did you suspect there was something wrong?
Yes. Years into our relationship though. He was different before we had kids.

3; Did he immediately start a program of recovery?
No. That came a few months later after a suicide attempt had him laid up in the hospital for a while. well....actually he tried some therapy beforehand but she didn't know what she was doing.


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#368753 - 08/23/11 02:28 PM Re: How did your husband disclose to you?? [Re: sugarbaby]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1736
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Hi Sugarbaby
Thanks for the honest answers

Hope all is going well, or at least better.

Heal well
Martin

_________________________
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

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#368818 - 08/24/11 07:05 PM Re: How did your husband disclose to you?? [Re: whome]
4grace Offline


Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 6
1. He came home one day and over dinner told me that our 25 year marraige was over.
2. I knew he had been depressed and thought it was over his dad who had taken ill and was never again himself. I definitely knew something was seriously wrong after he came home and made his announcement - he didn't even sound like himself - it was like an alien walked into our house. In the two weeks that followed I found out he was involved emotionally with someone else and was able to convince him to get help.
3. After my discovery he began therapy and is still in therapy. It was during therapy that his 35 year secret was disclosed. He came home from therapy one night and told me what happended to him as a boy. It was difficult in that I also new the person - a family friend. I love him and believe in our marraige and family and so I am doing my best to stand by him and just hope that he will be able to heal himself and that we can heal our relationship.



Edited by 4grace (08/24/11 07:10 PM)

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