My abusers were powerful people. That's what they wanted me to believe. But in real life they were apparently successful. The one who engineered the kiddie porn of me and the other boys was a famous cartoonist. I can't give the name yet. The other one who abused me sadistically and with brain-washing techniques when I was 12 went on to become very important in the MK Ultra stuff. Again I can't mention the name. If I did, history books would have to be re-written. Am I right about this? Am I expendable like the maid abused by Strauss-Kahn?

Allen

You are no more expendable than I am. Sometimes I feel that way but that's a matter of self-perception which stems from experiencing abuse, which I am working on. The fact that I am still here to work on it speaks to my resiliance as a survivor, which I am learning to be proud of, as you should be too.

I will say though that powerful perpetrators like you mentioned do view their victims as expendable. I see it as a form of psychopathy, where despite their power they lack the ability to form normal human connections or to see other human beings as anything other than objects to use. Therefore the problem is not us, its them. While I resent that I have to live with the after effects of what my perp did to me I am learning to keep some balance by reminding myself everyday that I am a good person, which obviously not everyone in this world can honestly say about themselves. Just some thoughts for today. JS

Does it sound as though I'm constructing a facade to say that I had 2 famous (or infamous) perpetrators? Am I making a self-aggrandizing position for myself?

Allen

p.s. The 2nd perp was a figure in the book/movie: Men Who Stare At Goats. I shouldn't say more or he might try to "stare me down" remotely.

"Does it sound as though I'm constructing a facade to say that I had 2 famous (or infamous) perpetrators? Am I making a self-aggrandizing position for myself?"

Not at all. One of the things I constantly struggle with is coming to understand the awful truth about my abuse due to minimizing, comparing etc so I admire you for simply telling it like it is. JS

OK Maybe by now you all know what happened. He got off. Scott-free. How? Defamation of the accuser. How much money did it cost? We'll probably never know.

It happened again. Someone got paid off in addition to the mudslinging etc.