Newest Members
uvagrad4, cricket1007, Nickie98, jahfree, Daryl X.
12497 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
joeybird (54), ladyinwaiting (46), txpearl (46)
Who's Online
3 registered (BraveFalcon, 2 invisible), 18 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12497 Members
74 Forums
64172 Topics
447803 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 5 of 5 < 1 2 3 4 5
Topic Options
#368712 - 08/22/11 11:26 PM Re: A Man? [Re: 1lifenow]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6602
Loc: FEMA Region 1
One thing about "what is a man," is that during the flat-out humilliating divorse abuse I took in the court, all I could think about was little Robbie being smeared as a 8 yo slut (no kidding...he was portraid as such) and things like my journal being stolen and published thru the court...kept thinking that John Wayne or Jason Bourne would have had people's heads on a pike (litterally) in front of the court building...that NO 'MAN' would allow such bull-shit to go on and put an abrupt end to it no matter what the cost.

But no...I sat there listening to the cnt from the other side describe the child as a hyper-sexualized nut-case that has no business in decent society. I'd watched the Army Reserve Officer judge go bug-eyed during the readings of the journal. Watch "rusty" the bailif look at me like I was a whore in church. No one ever looked my way and saw a 'man.'

_________________________
I'm "that guy."

Top
#368721 - 08/23/11 01:43 AM Re: A Man? [Re: 1lifenow]
overcomer4life Offline


Registered: 02/25/09
Posts: 198
Yep....what Darkheart said...I simply "am"....


Top
#368727 - 08/23/11 03:40 AM Re: A Man? [Re: overcomer4life]
Tyler845 Offline


Registered: 11/04/10
Posts: 276
Loc: U.S.A.
First, I would ask. Who gets to make that distinction ? We do. A person gets to choose. If you wanna be the john wayne type, he died of cancer. I think. Point is, allure is false. The male model for acting accordingly, is false. Predicated by 1950
s pop culture, a lie. Everyone, even you, gets to choose what "man" is. What he does. What he likes. The most damaging lie my abuse ever had me believe, was that I was no longer in control of me. Being older now, we should see we are in control. We get to make the calls. Anxiety wells up, "we're not able to make that call. Oprah said I was broke, did'nt she? " Come on guys. WE'RE male. Adult males. Therefore men. Any distinction past that is gonna be different from a person to person basis. Be whatever your heart desires. If abuse has takin your desire from you, take it back. Easier said than done, granted. Take it farther. Go harder. Be braver. My opinion of a man. He never stops fighting for what he truly cares about. We should all care truly, for ourselves first. When we're happy, we earn the right to care for others. Other people in our lives are a blessing, and relationships should only be pursued when we are at somewhat of a happy space with ourselves. Lest we drive someone else to madness. We'll never be happy until we stop running and do something about our feelings. Confront the abusers, if we can't, then fuck em. We know their sick fucks probly burning in hell, or if we're lucky, ten times more miserable than we are. Fading along in their happy facades of lives, when one day, suddenly, BAM. Demolished. Another accident on the evening news. We reap what we sew, they will get theirs. Rambling aside. PLease believe. You deserve to be WHATEVER YOU WANT to be. BE YOURSELVES. DONT BE ASHAMED OF WHATEVER THAT IS.

_________________________
Most Often, The Child Inside Has Better Access To Execute The Flawless Potential Of Self.

Over-Ride Emotional Conflict With Rational Truths

You Are Freer Than You Think - Paul Berteaux

Come unto Me, all ye that Labor, and are Heavy-ladened. I will give you Rest -Jesus Christ

Top
#368734 - 08/23/11 08:31 AM Re: A Man? [Re: Tyler845]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6602
Loc: FEMA Region 1
Tyler854,

***********TRIGGERS******************

Well said and clear of thought! But it IS easier said than done for many of us. I had built a life others admired and I loved. I had enough borrowed self-confidence and pride from my days in the mask that I was "mightly." And the "mighty" fall hard.

There was palpable enjoiment amoung those who shot me down and then poked the corpse with a stick. I've been so defamed amoung the humans that it spread to my children (out of my control). See, that's MUCH of the problem with many of us. our story falls out of our control and takes on a life of its own. Talk about HOT small-town gossip material!!! Shit! THAT guy was a 7-year sex victim? Keep the kids away!!!

A JUDGE. A creature whom is supposed to be objective, oozed disdane for the survivor for not clenching his butt cheeks hard enough, for not ever being beaten-up so that his mouth could no longer perform its duties when they demanded it. "He never fought back?" He asked that!!!!! "He never told in 30 years?!?!?" He asked that. "You married her know all this??!?!" He asked me that!

So a pillar of society-represented, looked down from the 8 ft-high mahogany and saw the same pile of shit he sends to the state prison when he's conducting criminal court.

Tyler; All you say is true and well stated. Many of us bought into (or buy into) the media's portrayal of "men." Many of us speak our minds and have a very-strong spine, but when you testify to insanity within society, inequity within society, hold a giant mirror to society's face, all you get back are ad-homonym attacks and judgememts based on those very society (media)-generated ideas and ideals of "men."

As much as I'd like to be an island, I simply cannot be one. I still have to interact with others. But I WILL take what you say to heart. I'll go along and be me. .. Be my version of manhood. I'll wait for THEM to try to pull me down and be Jason Bourne in my mind and in my own way. I just don't know as I'll ever be able to re-program my mind to define myself as a "man" by any criterion. I'll just be me...as always.

_________________________
I'm "that guy."

Top
#368738 - 08/23/11 09:28 AM Re: A Man? [Re: Still]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1399
Loc: kansas
and why MUST there be some clear cut definitive answer as to what a "man" is?

that would never work....

why? because we are all human... we are all different.

so, i could care less about what defines males as men...

i'm me... i'm todd morgan and you like me or you don't like me. i'm an adult male. you can either accept me for who i see myself as or not... i will be who i want to be. i will be who i know myself as being. i will not let society dictate who i am. if this makes me not a "man" by societies views than so be it...

this is me.. love me or don't love me...

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

Top
#368745 - 08/23/11 10:10 AM Re: A Man? [Re: Still]
Tyler845 Offline


Registered: 11/04/10
Posts: 276
Loc: U.S.A.
I relate to what you said about the small town gossip.My manner in disclosing was'nt much for secrecy, but I chose that path. I accepted anyone who knew me and had doubts would be, foolish. Fools don't garner attention in my world. Simple understanding on my part is all it takes to deflate their inflamed ignorance. I see the looks from my uncle, by marriage. The worry. Almost ironic, as he was the first one I told about my abuse. He was relatively new at the time and I figured my best bet for safe disclosure without really caring what he thought. When I see his look, around his son, as I have a great relationship with my aunt's two boys, who love me very dearly, I see it as comical. Even with stone cold proof from two adolescents, their proof being love and openness with me, he still has that ignorant view. His ignorance breeds fear. I understand. He ofcourse has no bearing on my life, so its easy for me to not care. The judge from your story is immediately looked down on, more so that he is a judge, and should be capable of rationale human thought. Obviously had none to spare when trying you, as I take from your writing. The lucky few will never understand. They cling so tightly to this image of a fake world, a happy one, where no one gets hurt like that around here. ONLY other towns. ONLY other people. Sickest form of dissosiation I can imagine, one that allows apathy for the truly innocent. I want to take this opportunity to thank you for many of your writings. Can think of a handful of times when I thought, "Yeah. That guy get's it" The anger correlates best. I really enjoy your drive and passion. With the last thing you said, I'll reply with something similiar. Thank you for being you. N just to break the warm n fuzzies, the posting with the split into the mudvayne song- fuckin rocked. Haha. Keep Strong.

_________________________
Most Often, The Child Inside Has Better Access To Execute The Flawless Potential Of Self.

Over-Ride Emotional Conflict With Rational Truths

You Are Freer Than You Think - Paul Berteaux

Come unto Me, all ye that Labor, and are Heavy-ladened. I will give you Rest -Jesus Christ

Top
#368749 - 08/23/11 11:27 AM Re: A Man? [Re: Still]
Logan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/05/03
Posts: 1238
Loc: NY
I don't remember where I heard this or what book I read this in but i distinctly remember that it had a profound impact on me and my recovery.

"When a girl/woman is sexually assaulted or raped, is doesn't tend to make her feel un-female. However, when a boy/man is sexually assaulted /raped it does tend to make him feel un-male."

Basically, CSA of guys has a profound effect of attacking there sense of gender and masculinity!!!!!!!!!


I think it may have been Dr. Richard Gartner's book "Betrayed as boys."
That is a fantastic resource by the way, for those that have not heard of it yet or checked it out.
Logan



Edited by Logan (08/23/11 11:29 AM)
Edit Reason: the source of the info
_________________________
"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption
WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009
"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"
-Blade Runner

Top
Page 5 of 5 < 1 2 3 4 5


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.