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#368596 - 08/21/11 01:38 PM Why are people such arrogant idiots?
hopeandtry Offline


Registered: 07/28/10
Posts: 476
To all the people I have met in life who essentially imply that child abuse (of whatever degree or type) should not have such bad effects on a person's life:

Fuck you.



Edited by hopeandtry (08/21/11 01:38 PM)

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#368599 - 08/21/11 02:07 PM Re: Why are people such arrogant idiots? [Re: hopeandtry]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
I hear you, Girl! It continues to amaze me how ignorant people who would otherwise be intelligent can be.

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#368605 - 08/21/11 04:07 PM Re: Why are people such arrogant idiots? [Re: WalkingSouth]
hopeandtry Offline


Registered: 07/28/10
Posts: 476
I wonder sometimes what causes this...if it's fear of their own problems (not wanting to admit them), simple ignorance, or what.


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#368608 - 08/21/11 04:55 PM Re: Why are people such arrogant idiots? [Re: hopeandtry]
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
Funnily enough what you described others of doing is exactly how I treated my own abuse history in my own life for so many years. First of all, I had great difficulty even acknowledging it as abusive when it obviously was, and second, I was convinced that my childhood had no relevance concerning who I was as an adult. I realize now this was all a defense mechanism. I still slip into it sometimes when I become overwhelmed but then I remind myself that I am a survivor, not just a victim, which implies that I have certain strengths and that makes it more OK for me to accept my own history. JS

_________________________
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.


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#368621 - 08/21/11 06:13 PM Re: Why are people such arrogant idiots? [Re: jls]
hopeandtry Offline


Registered: 07/28/10
Posts: 476
I agree, jls, that people have a responsibility to do what they can to deal with the abuse. That is, so that they don't just remain victims. What bothers me is people who minimize the effects of abuse.


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#368635 - 08/21/11 10:00 PM Re: Why are people such arrogant idiots? [Re: hopeandtry]
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
Are you talking about survivor's themselves or non-survivors? I know that I minimized the effects for decades, and still do to a lesser degree. It’s very hard sometimes to recognize certain patterns of behaviour in my life and realize they are a result of csa. I drank for many years and had no insight into the reasons for it, until I went to treatment where it became glaringly obvious that my drinking was directly attributed to the csa. Today I am sober and am further along in my recovery than I have ever been yet that minimization is still there, in the form of saying negative things to myself like "other people had it worse so stop complaining", or like you say telling myself that even though it happened it doesn’t matter, I’m fine, it didn’t affect me or it doesn’t affect me now or whatever…

It would be so nice if it were as easy as that but in truth it isn’t. There is nothing I would like better than to pretend the abuse that occurred doesn’t matter now but that’s impossible since it happened to me and therefore it matters. I can't change the facts of my past and therefore it will always be with me. Like you I resent people who say stupid things like “it was a long time ago, get over it” since one doesn’t “get over” it, they get through it, much like someone goes through the grieving process to do with the loss of a loved one. Saying “get over it” implies its as easy as driving over a speed bump when in truth recovery from csa is a life time journey.


_________________________
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.


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#368653 - 08/22/11 02:28 AM Re: Why are people such arrogant idiots? [Re: jls]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1736
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Touche Hopeandtry Touche.

I also encounter the idiots that make light of the situation. Assholes

Martin

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#368704 - 08/22/11 09:27 PM Re: Why are people such arrogant idiots? [Re: whome]
hopeandtry Offline


Registered: 07/28/10
Posts: 476
@jls, I think my anger is directed at people who don't just see signs, but who KNOW about abuse and minimize it much like you said...with a "Oh you can just get over it" or "Just deal with it" attitude. Then again, at one time I didn't put two and two together myself, but that's kinda a whole different issue. Anyway, I'm just tired of cold, insensitive people.


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#368711 - 08/22/11 11:23 PM Re: Why are people such arrogant idiots? [Re: hopeandtry]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
hope,

Something I learned in therapy (still working on it, btw) is that Anger is a secondary emotion. In other words there's something else under the surface that's driving it.

For instance there was a news report in our area the other day about a little dog that a man found that morning tied up on his front porch. The little dog had an envelope tied to his neck and inside the envelope was a little bit of money and a not saying that the little boy who owned the dog was giving him away because his parents were getting a divorce and because they couldn't agree with each other were taking the little dog to the dog pound. The boy was obviously broken up over the whole thing and wanted to save the life of his little dog. He said in the note that the money was his birthday money and he was putting it in there to help feed his dog.

I was absolutely livid. I stomped around the house ranting about it for 10 minutes or so before I calmed down. Once I thought about it and related it to what I'd learned in therapy concerning anger I realized that I still had unresolved issues with the way my parents had treated me as a kid and that I probably needed to start processing that treatment in my therapy sessions, which I have done.

I say all that by way of suggesting you may want to look deeper when it comes to the anger you're experiencing on this. While it may be that you have isolated the reason for your anger and are expressing it well here, it may also be there are other things driving the anger. It's good to know ourselves well enough to understand the difference.

Like I say, you may be there already but thought I'd throw it out there.

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#368737 - 08/23/11 09:16 AM Re: Why are people such arrogant idiots? [Re: hopeandtry]
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
I hear you about cold and insensitive people. One reaction I have is that they themselves may have an abuse history and that's their way of avoiding it. However, even when I was in my deepest denial about my own abuse I never felt or acted that way toward someone else who disclosed that they were a survivor. In fact, the irony is that I could easily extend a great degree of sympathy and compassion to them that I couldn't give to myself, which was my own form of avoiding my csa history. Anyways sexual abuse is never easy to talk about. It is obviously difficult subject matter, for survivors and non-survivors alike, although more difficult for survivors, given what many of us went through in silence for so long. On that note, like you say no one should feel they have the right to try and silence a survivor, considering how much strength and courage it took for us to finally speak up.

_________________________
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.


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