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#368663 - 08/22/11 10:25 AM Is this survivor behavior?
rainbow Offline


Registered: 12/16/08
Posts: 28
I posted a while ago about an ex. I then met another survivor (I think)... The latest guy definitely has deep emotional issues, so this post is not about trying to make a relationship work. I'm just trying to make some sense of what happened for closure.

This new guy is a player, that would likely be the term for him. He's very attractive and accomplished, so has a lot of options with women. He has lots of lovers, it seems, rather than relationships. He's in his late 40s, his longest relationship was 3 years, but usually he's in 3-month relationships he told me. He's a gentleman, but likes to be in control with women, very much so.

He wanted me to be his girlfriend. And on our 3rd date, when it was clear we shared a connection, he asked me what I thought his problem was with women. I responded gently, but was honest with him, and said I thought he'd been sexually abused as a child. He didn't agree, but he didn't deny it either, he just made some glib joke about it.

After 2 months of dating, he broke it off to see another woman because of baggage I had from my previous relationship as well as his issues. Then a month later he wanted to be with me again... He was really loving with me and talked about a future together. Then he backed off again, and this time suggested an open relationship. I refused but we continued to see each other romantically - no sex (I didn't want to because I knew he would be sleeping with other women) but we would kiss and cuddle and he would say, I love you to me.

The last time I saw him, he held me in his arms for 7 hours. He seemed really needy and vulnerable that time, and I felt like he was emotionally exposing himself to me. We didn't talk much, but he told me he lied. When I asked him why, he said because he could. Since that night, he won't see me or even talk to me - this is the part that's hurting the most - and is that survivor behaivor? I've contacted him a few times but he emailed me just a few cold lines - basically saying goodbye and good luck - with no explanation.

Is he just a player? Or maybe players often have CSA in their past, which is why they are acting out. When we were together, my gut felt the love between us. But it's so confusing and hurtful that he won't even talk to me now. I'm accepting it, but I'm trying to make some sense of his behavior for my closure.

As for me, I am staying single and focusing on my self-love, so I find a healthy, loving relationship when I'm ready smile That's been my lesson.


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#368683 - 08/22/11 05:18 PM Re: Is this survivor behavior? [Re: rainbow]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Hi rainbow

Without to much more info, yes he sounds like a survivor. Dont know what else I can tell you, beside Dont do it again. I think the experience once should have taught you. LOL I know some of survivors can be really charming.

Heal well
Martin

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