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#368637 - 08/21/11 10:11 PM I miss my old friends here
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5942
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
When I came to MaleSurvivor 20 months ago, almost 21 months now, I loved chatting with sono, blacken, Silly, k4, Obi, Donnie and trucker51 to name a few, and the rest of the survivors that helped me overcome the abuse and were individually responsible for supporting me in various parts of me recovery.

As I attempt to re-integrate myself into MaleSurvivor after the facilitating the Round Table, I am finding new names and new support. I am anxious, for I have issues I am only just beginning to be aware of, and re-immersion is a difficult process.

I long for "my class" of MS, the "'09'ers" maybe. I miss you guys, I am sad and hope you are thriving where ever you are.

Sam

_________________________
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#368641 - 08/21/11 10:50 PM Re: I miss my old friends here [Re: SamV]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1341
Loc: kansas
still here from time to time sam.

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#368643 - 08/21/11 11:28 PM Re: I miss my old friends here [Re: Obi]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5942
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
Thanks Todd,

The old gang was very comfortable, they hung well, a good fit, you remember. It is difficult knowing they have moved on, I depended on them, and you, dear brother.

While I am sad, I am here. It is a new MaleSurvivor, Todd. I have not been keeping up with the guys in chat, nor some of the shares. I have some homework, and I am among fellow survivors,
Sam

_________________________
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#368659 - 08/22/11 08:46 AM Re: I miss my old friends here [Re: SamV]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1341
Loc: kansas
sam,

a lot of that is because those are the guys that you and i came to ms at about the same time. a lot of us at similar stages in our recoveries....

there are many reasons that a lot of them/us have moved on. i would tend to think is that because we are farther along in our recoveries...

yes, it's a new ms... however, it's the same. the only difference now is that we are in positions to be more of help to the new guys here. i feel that i should pay it forward, ya know? pay it forward to all the new guys here because we were once the new guys too... we got help from the guys who've been there before us and bonded together because we were in the same stages of our recoveries...

now it's our time to pass that on.. the new guys here will form their bonds with each other, just like we did, because they are in similar stages with each other. they will look to guys like us to help them through the early, and most crucial, stages...

sam, i know you remember, when you first got here at how scary it was. how scary it was to share your story. how scary it was to trust anyone. how scary it was to finally get real and deal with our issues instead of ignoring them, etc. how much pain there was at the beginning and how easy it is to just quit instead of dealing with it...

that's where guys like you and i come in to help them through those early stages. so that they don't give up. so that they keep fighting the good fight because they are worth it!

those early stages are the most difficult and scariest time... that's why those bonds get formed so strongly with others who are going through it at the same time as they are.... they become brothers like we did.... similar to those guys who've been through wars together...

yes, ms is changing, but that's because we're changing too sam.. we're making progress in our recoveries and we hope and pray that the new guys here will make their progressions as well...

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#368660 - 08/22/11 09:03 AM Re: I miss my old friends here [Re: Obi]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6500
Loc: Terminus
Sam,

I was about to post the very same thing. The dynamic here at MS when I joined was entirely different than now. Things were much more...well...'dynamic' then. Not complaining about these days, its just entirely different from back then. The active-user count was much higher for example.

Its actually very sad (as you've said Sam). I had strong friendships with many, many guys here from all over the world. I met MANY of them face-to-face during my days of continuuous travel. There are many I worry about and many I just really need to talk to on occasion.

I do know they are either "further along" in their healing, or at least in a different mode of healing right now.

One risk, as it seems, here at MS, is making strong emotional contacts, only to see them fade when we may not be prepared for it. But we have to keep in mind that no one is ever actually committed to stay. Freedom to dissapear must hold-fast. Its just sad when it happens.

Its why I enjoy doing some time-travel via old posts.

_________________________
When the phone don't ring, I'll know its you.

The Aftermath Video

My Absolute Hero!

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#368665 - 08/22/11 11:07 AM - [Re: Still]
exhale Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/12/10
Posts: 101
-


Edited by exhale (01/13/13 11:26 PM)

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#368666 - 08/22/11 11:24 AM Re: I miss my old friends here [Re: exhale]
TheBobcatAgain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/10
Posts: 507
Loc: AZ, U.S.A.
My brother Sam,

I understand how you feel; I have also felt some brothers slipping away. I used to receive half a dozen Private Messages a day (when I'd log into my account, I would say to myself, "Okay, let's see if anyone loves me today." lol). Now I receive maybe one PM a week.

Chat was also more populated; I used to juggle 3-6 PMs at once! I remember talking late into the night with caesar14, Obi, Silly, Anomalous, Cruxfidelis, petercorbett, prisonerID, Mulligan, Starman77, Ever-Fixed Mark, GentleSoul, nevragan, Ischyros, earlybird (occasionally), Trucker51, many_mees, Riley, Charlie14, WalkingSouth, FormerTexan, Pete2004, and, of course, sasuva (among numerous others I can't recall off the top of my head).

I don't know if this helps, but I'll share with you what I do occasionally. I send a PM to each of my brothers checking in and asking them how they are doing. Sometimes this reinforces our brotherhood; other times, I find out why they no longer PM me or don't visit MS as often. Some never read the PM, so I assume they are gone; but some brothers who do read my PMs send me a message back saying they are grateful that I cared enough to check up on them.

I'll add that I work 6 nights a week usually, so I don't have as much time to be here at MS. But I do miss my friends.

Just a suggestion, bro. Anyway, this Bobcat knows how you feel, but rest assured - you are MY brother for life. smile

Your loving brother, as always,

Bobcat



Edited by TheBobcatAgain (08/22/11 11:35 AM)
Edit Reason: Added, "I'll add that..."
_________________________
You don't have to be perfect to be wonderful.

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#368667 - 08/22/11 11:25 AM Re: I miss my old friends here [Re: exhale]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11104
Loc: Denver, CO
I can relate Sam. There were several on the board I connected with back in 04. I'm still in touch with a couple of them and we email often, one is a brother to me. A couple others are the occasional touching base, and others have pretty much moved on. Being here so long has given me the privilege to see a new group come in every now and then, a new wave of participants from all walks of life.

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#368686 - 08/22/11 05:35 PM Re: I miss my old friends here [Re: FormerTexan]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Hi, Sam. I can relate to what you say as well. MS is a dynamic place, much like real life where people come into our sphere of being, sometimes for a moment, other times for the rest of our time here on this rock.

When I came here in 2004, there was obviously a very different set of user names about the place, differing personalities, some good and some not so good. I still keep in touch with a few from here, but I think many guys are at differing stages of recovery, some have "healed" (if there can be such a thing), and others have probably slipped back into isolation. Whatever the reason they're no longer here, I wish them well and hope their recovery continues. There's a few here that I have met face to face, and even went on a private retreat that we organized together in the Rockies back in 2006 (wow, what a great time!). Some of them I still see face to face occasionally, others I haven't seen since then. But I still talk to some of them and keep up. I think it's just the fluid nature of life.

By the way, that Andy guy right ^^^ above me ^^^ here is a pretty incredible friend. laugh

_________________________
Eddie

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#368689 - 08/22/11 06:19 PM Re: I miss my old friends here [Re: EGL]
Riley Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/11/09
Posts: 597
Loc: USA
Hey Sam,

lol, it's so funny you mention this and so many relate. I was thinking about that the other day, the good ole days at MS!!

Don't get me wrong, I love many of the new guys, but it's kinda weird, kinda like being a senior and looking back at the freshmen. I think Todd said it the best.

I still check MS about once a day, but if you ever need to PM a fellow veteran, feel free.

Ryan


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#368705 - 08/22/11 10:08 PM Re: I miss my old friends here [Re: Riley]
ACLover94 Offline


Registered: 06/18/11
Posts: 40
Loc: EAST COAST USA
Sam, I guess I am one of the "new" guys. Even though Ive been slowly dying on the inside for over 40 years. To be honest, its a Goddamn sin that we are here at all. A fucking disgrace of humanity that we need to be here. But on the other hand, I wouldnt know what to do somedays without MS. I have a few dear friends that help me in my healing and I would welcome you as well. Its hard to explain....I guess if what happened to us had to happen, thank God for you all....Love all my brothers...and you too Sam...

George

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George!

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#368706 - 08/22/11 10:44 PM Re: I miss my old friends here [Re: ACLover94]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2439
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, my fraternal brother, George.

Yes, how would have known what to do if it weren't for MS & our friends here?

I don't know how much of a friend that I've been in helping you.

But, you are rightI/we miss our old friends here.

I've been here for three years this month. A lot of my fraternal brothers, yes, I call them my brothers, have come & gone.

Faceless names on a computer screen. But you all are more than a faceless name. You are my fraternal brothers, a part of my fraternal family. A part of my being.

I have a piece of your heart & soul in me. As I hope that I am that for you all.

My old friends (new ones too) have been with me when I'm in the infinity of the heavens. When I was standing at the gate of hell (suicide) & everywhere in between.

We share our compassion, understanding & love for one another.

We share our hopes & dreams. We share our triumphs & failures.
We share in our sadness, fears & tears. We share our darkest secrets.

I miss them too. I welcome my new ones too.

Heal well, my fraternal brother, George, heal well.

"I will take that lost boys hand, and I will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity>" As he is me.

Pete..Irishmoose




Edited by petercorbett (08/22/11 10:48 PM)
_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#368707 - 08/22/11 10:45 PM Re: I miss my old friends here [Re: SamV]
Czaesar72 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/10
Posts: 211
Loc: California, USA
Sam When I first came here, you were one of the first ones to make me feel welcome, so you are one of those people that one never forgets, plus, you were so supportive when I was having a serious crisis and you were so supportive.

I wish I'd have the privilege to some day meet you in the future and shake your hand. I was fortunate enough to be able to meet some of our fellow survivors at the Sequoia 2011 WoR and I keep in touch with a handful of them (one of them is like a brother to me now, heck more of a brother than the one and only biological brother I have). Now I'm looking forward to seeing some of them again as well l as meeting new ones at the Advance WoR, next month.

But I know what you mean, there is a sense of loss when people move on and you're left thinking I wonder what's going on with them (whoever they may be)....

Just know that even though I have not met you in person, you are very dear to me.





Edited by Czaesar72 (08/22/11 10:47 PM)
_________________________
Alejandro
A very grateful Alumni of the Level I WoR Sequoia 2011, Ben Lohmond, CA, USA
and Advanced WoR Alta 2011, Alta, UT, USA.

The strength of a man isn't in the weight he can lift; it is the burdens he can understand and overcome.

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#368708 - 08/22/11 10:51 PM Re: I miss my old friends here [Re: FormerTexan]
Czaesar72 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/10
Posts: 211
Loc: California, USA
Andy,

I'm looking forward to meeting you next month. When reading your posts, I can sense you have a lot of wisdom and humanity in you; it will be a great pleasure meeting you. You're like a friend I would've like to have had when I was growing up.



Edited by Czaesar72 (08/22/11 10:53 PM)
_________________________
Alejandro
A very grateful Alumni of the Level I WoR Sequoia 2011, Ben Lohmond, CA, USA
and Advanced WoR Alta 2011, Alta, UT, USA.

The strength of a man isn't in the weight he can lift; it is the burdens he can understand and overcome.

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#368728 - 08/23/11 06:54 AM Re: I miss my old friends here [Re: Riley]
Aberrant30 Offline


Registered: 01/29/10
Posts: 139
Loc: I live on the Emerald Coast, F...
I've always found it hard, to be cloes to people. I miss Silly...he saved my life. I miss Shane, we ues to call each other clone, caues we where so much alike, like differnt vershions of the same person. I swear to god, shane if you ever read this, or if you ever come back, know your missed and loved.

_________________________
"The beginning of eternity
The end of time and space
The beginning of every end,
And the end of every place."
Hint: It's in front of you right now.
(Formerly known as Aberrant30

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#368828 - 08/24/11 08:54 PM Re: I miss my old friends here [Re: Aberrant30]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5942
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
This outpouring of acceptance and support warms my heart, dear brothers, thank you.

I will spend the next few weeks getting acquainted, and re-acquainted with you,

Much appreciation,
Sam

_________________________
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#368858 - 08/25/11 02:10 AM Re: I miss my old friends here [Re: SamV]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Hi Sam

I cant be an old friend but I can certainly be one of your new friends. Thanks for all the effort you put in here, the advice and gentle encouragement that you are so good at delivering.
I for one am happy that you decided to stay on.

Heal well Brother
Martin

_________________________
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

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#368861 - 08/25/11 07:58 AM Re: I miss my old friends here [Re: whome]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2582
I hear and feel your Sentiment Sam!

For me, almost all those that I got to deeply know have completely gone and moved on. If I was still here for myself and my healing, I'd feel very lonely, if I stayed at all and didn't just leave like the others have.

But I've healed a lot, and my life and purposes are vastly different now, but yes, at times I wish for those feelings of closeness and camaraderie that I no longer find here, but then I realize that while I don't get that here any longer, I've managed to get it out there in the real world, with real live human beings.... I know, scary right????? But utterly worth it!


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