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#367440 - 08/04/11 10:48 PM Re: Finally [Re: thefutureorbust]
thefutureorbust Offline


Registered: 04/24/11
Posts: 171
Loc: NC
And oh yeah Logan I'm 36 going on 21 lol I play video games, read comics, watch jersey shore and spike my hair into a Mohawk lol

_________________________
"What does not kill me makes me stronger"

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#367451 - 08/04/11 11:45 PM Re: Finally [Re: Ever-fixed Mark]
1islandboy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 862
Loc: washington
fw...

FREEDOM...!!!

I know how society tries to push us into one category or the other..

Beyond that...I believe the nature/nuture debate to be more complex than most give credit...

There was a time...I got really spun out over this...(I felt that I didn't quite absolutely fit or belong in either corner)...

If there wasn't enough confusion already...there was a time when I thought I was a female trapped in a boys body...(I believe I can isolate this part, relative to my abuse).

I am not exactly sure how I am emotionally oriented...(I have had relationship issuses concerning emotional availability prior to recovery)...

In my travels...I Found the term "Pomosexual"...and it led me to the same freedom.

I think one of the greatest recovery gifts...is to be comfortable in ones own skin...with ~or~ without the answers.



Caught Between The Tigers (TNT)

island

_________________________
Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine ~ M.F. Fernandez

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#367476 - 08/05/11 07:59 AM Re: Finally [Re: 1islandboy]
thefutureorbust Offline


Registered: 04/24/11
Posts: 171
Loc: NC
>>TRIGGERING>>>I agree with your words "freedom". BUT I believe imprinting is BIG when it comes to sexual preferences. Even though my first imprint is excessievly powerful and was percieved by me as "positive", which was my father bringing me to orgasm and constantly telling me it was all 'ok". I loved my dad, trusted him and believed him. So I was imprinted with the homosexual imprint at 6 years old...BUT as I went through puberty I created new heterosexual imprints (extrememly eciting and pleasurable) that I am able to pull up when I want to. So if you aware of these things you can chose your sexual partner. I've been with alot of girls in my life. Sometimes it was me proving my manhood or being straight, other times it was sheer hedonistic, ultra pleasure. I've created multiple imprints and I have taught myself to "tap" into them when I want/need to. Everyone has a subjective perception/experience with all of this and there is no "right way".

_________________________
"What does not kill me makes me stronger"

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#367498 - 08/05/11 02:52 PM Re: Finally [Re: thefutureorbust]
Logan81 Offline


Registered: 01/28/11
Posts: 42
Loc: Lubbock, TX
freshwound, I've reached a similar place myself recently. My CSA began when I was 4, with an older male cousin, so I believe it's had a strong impact on my sexuality. I worried for a long time that I might be gay, but once I laid that fear aside, it became pretty obvious that I'm not.

I'm physically attracted to guys, and have had a fair number of experiences with them, but romantically, I tend to be more attracted to women. In the long run, I'll probably end up marrying a girl (if I marry at all), but I've reached a point now where I'm just as comfortable with the idea of having a long-term relationship with a guy. Not having that stress/worry hanging over me has been a huge relief!


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#367502 - 08/05/11 05:03 PM Re: Finally [Re: Logan81]
thefutureorbust Offline


Registered: 04/24/11
Posts: 171
Loc: NC
That's great man! I know what's hard for me is my family dynamic as well, my parents didn't have true love for each other, but rather old fashion expectations, shoulds, loyalty etc. But my mother abuses my father emotionally on a daily basis. I internalized all their bull shit and I'm afraid of being 100 percent myself with a woman. I cAn rock her world sexually but relationships wise I fall into the same trap my parents are in . A power struggle. My family wrote the book on dysfunction. My parents relationship didn't seem to be about attraction more then lust for each other. And that's how I see women. People or objects to lust over. I want to be with a woman but I have alot of work to do.

_________________________
"What does not kill me makes me stronger"

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#367503 - 08/05/11 05:15 PM Re: Finally [Re: thefutureorbust]
thefutureorbust Offline


Registered: 04/24/11
Posts: 171
Loc: NC
Looking back I remember once my parents sitting me down asking "we aren't getting one, but if we got divorced who would you go with"? My parents were assholes. My brother was also verbally abusive. In my house whoever showed the most anger had the edge. I was good at slamming my door ten times as hard as I could. I hated my family so much as a kid.

_________________________
"What does not kill me makes me stronger"

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#367819 - 08/10/11 03:07 AM Re: Finally [Re: thefutureorbust]
Incognito Offline


Registered: 04/17/11
Posts: 105
I don't have much to add here but wanted to chime in and say I wish everyone continued luck with their progress. My perp wasn't a family member and I imagine that only intensifies the situation when it's someone who is supposed to love and nurture you.

_________________________
"If you're willing to carry the weight, feel the strain, push past the pain, and give more of yourself than others expect of you, the world is yours." - Dave Tate

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#367941 - 08/11/11 05:50 PM Re: Finally [Re: Incognito]
thefutureorbust Offline


Registered: 04/24/11
Posts: 171
Loc: NC
Thanks bro, its been tough but Im getting some clarity on my sexuality, which was the most important issue for me

_________________________
"What does not kill me makes me stronger"

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