i felt your pain. i too have been plagued by SSA my whole life; until, i got help from a competent and great therapist, read a lot of books on csa, and gotten words of encouragement from the posts here at MS.
but, also, i came to the realization that my thoughts dont have to rule my life. now, i can listen to the SSA thoughts and then acknowledge them as a part of my imprinting, but then i know that i dont have to act out on them.
i have never acted on them in the past and i dont have to act out on them because i dont think they would be a healthy thing for me. i am a heterosexual man with SSA, and i have come to grips with that. so, it no longer messes with my mind. although there are times when i get down that it bothers me, but not at all to the degree that it did in the past.
you have to do what works for you. but, you come across as a manly man and i would never have known that you are bothered by this if you hadnt shared it.
thank you once again for having the courage to share your story in this area. i am sure that others will benefit from your thoughts and experiences.
take care bro and continue fighting the good fight.
If you cannot control what happens to you, you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.
~ adapted from: Sri Ram