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#367726 - 08/08/11 08:19 PM Re: Anti-Disclosure Reality [Re: CruxFidelis]
Alex22 Offline


Registered: 01/16/11
Posts: 15
"Iíve had time now to read many stories here and talk with a lot of you and Iím feeling a little more comfortable sharing some of my story. During my time here Iíve learned that we can focus on the abuse, but that wonít get us anywhere, we learn the most from stories of survival and growth, itís about how we got away from it all to a better place that is important not where we came from. So here goes nothing as the saying goes, but in reality this is everything.

I had just moved away from home and started my first semester at University. I was having a blast. New friends, new environment, new experience. But something dark kept surfacing in the back of my mind, I knew what it was and was curious why it was managing to break out of that cage Iíd manage to keep it in all these years. I thought maybe I was just having a bad day, Iíd manage to shove it back there. But I didnít.

Only a few of my friends from high school ended up at the same University with me. 5 to be exact, only three of which I am close with, Throughout high school many of my friends were girls, I didnít get along so well with guys, all my relationships were forced and fake. Never really could manage to go hang out or go play hockey, it just never clicked. Looking back I realize how much that caged animal in the back of my mind was controlling my life. But then I met Mike. We were in the same math class, in grade 9 and both ended up playing on a school sports team. We were in History together the next year, then chemistry and society class. As the years went by it got to a point where my fake friendship was almost starting to feel real, I didnít realize this right off the bat but I was almost able to trust him. I felt safe around him. I donít know what it was about him, Iíd tried to be friends with countless other guys but it never really worked out. But back to the beast that was slipping out of its cage.

It was a persistent son of a bitch, clawing constantly at its confines. It was getting to the point where it was managing to throw thoughts into my conscious mind, I guess you guys all call that ďbeing triggeredĒ. So youíve got this battle between my conscious mind and sub conscious creature and now this friendship, my first real friendship with a guy; Two very emotionally unstable events. So Mike in his flawless innocence decides now would be a good time to mention how much our friendship means to him. And the cage broke.

It all came out, I told him everything. I was expecting the worst, I thought the one male friend I had was going to be scared off. But I couldnít have been more wrong. I will never forget the moment I was finished talking and he looked at me and said ďI know Iím not really an emotional person but I really am so sorryĒ as he gave me a hug.

Many of us disclose to a Therapist or Counsellor but fewer of us have disclosed to friends or family. We are afraid of what they will think of us or how they will react. Mike has been the greatest driving force behind my healing, he recommended Counselling, told me he could walk me there if I wanted. He checks in on me and is always there if I need to talk. We all have someone like Mike in our lives even if we canít see them. I recommend searching them out, they are a great asset to our healing and really can show us a different side to things. Find your Mike. Itís worth the risks."

That was one of my posts from a few months back and some things have changed since then. I've broken many of your Do Not Tell rules and have found support and love. I've told my parents. One of the hardest things I have ever had to do. It wasn't fun and it wasn't easy but I don't see them looking at me any differently then before, if anything I think the understand me more for who I am now then ever before.

I know that it hasn't been as easy a ride for everyone here but I really do believe everyone has someone close to them who will trust, love and offer support to them for who they are and what has happened in our past.

_________________________
"If we want to cross
over to the other
shore, we cannot
just run on the same
side of the river."
-Anonymous

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#367727 - 08/08/11 08:26 PM Re: Anti-Disclosure Reality [Re: Alex22]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
I encourage you to read this poem Alex wrote on the man he references above. Read it knowing it is about how a freind he disclosed to has helped him in recovery. Awesome shit really.

And yes, like any true friend I know Alex has his bud's back too.

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=351822#Post351822





Edited by kb8715 (08/08/11 08:37 PM)
Edit Reason: I type like crap......
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#367751 - 08/09/11 01:38 AM Re: Anti-Disclosure Reality [Re: Still]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1179
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing


Edited by lapchinj (03/18/13 06:39 AM)
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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#367773 - 08/09/11 11:42 AM Re: Anti-Disclosure Reality [Re: lapchinj]
Logan81 Offline


Registered: 01/28/11
Posts: 42
Loc: Lubbock, TX
Just tossing in my two cents here, the first person I ever told about my CSA was a pastor at my church. He is more than just a pastor, though; he and I have built a pretty strong friendship over the last few years. As we talked, he disclosed to me that he had been molested once as a child as well. Since then, he has been a huge supporter of me whenever I needed it.

The second person I told was a close friend, followed by a few other friends over time. Some have been understanding and supportive, while some have wondered why I can't just "get over it." Those who I am closest to have been a huge support for me, though; one friend actually confided in me that he was a CSA survivor as well.

Family-wise, my sister is the only one who knows. Most likely, I will never tell my parents. My situation involved an older cousin, who was also abused, and who my parents have been very supportive of. I'm not afraid they would doubt my story, I'm more afraid that they would believe me and begin to see my cousin in a different light. The more I've progressed in healing, the more I've seen that he was just another victim himself, and I really hold no animosity toward him whatsoever. I would hate to do anything that could interfere with his own healing journey.

I hate to hear what happened to you, and from my limited time on this board, I've seen that the same has happened to quite a few others as well. I've wondered a lot how different things would have been if the first person I told (after 23 years of hiding) had shut me down in the way you described. I honestly don't know that I would've had your strength to continue moving forward. Hang in there, brother. It does get better (or so I've heard).


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#367993 - 08/12/11 11:06 AM Re: Anti-Disclosure Reality [Re: Logan81]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Last night a man from here I listen to told me he had successfully disclosed to a good friend who acts like a big brother to him.

I made him read Alex's post above on disclosing to a friend first. It went exactly as it did with Alex, right down to his friend offering to take him down to meet a T when ready.

I also told him to read this post a bunch of time and think of his friend when he read it:

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=351822#Post351822

There are good people all around us willing to help. you just need to look.

Real proud to know ya Chris. Real Proud to know ya Alex.

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#367995 - 08/12/11 12:02 PM Re: Anti-Disclosure Reality [Re: kb8715]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6397
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
Originally Posted By: kb8715
...There are good people all around us willing to help. you just need to look.


I'm not replying in a shove-back or in 'argumentative' mode, but just to state my reality. I have in fact "looked." I've looked throughout churches, one really strange place being 'my family,' men I was close to in church and bible studies where "we could tell each other 'anything.'"

I even told one person with whom I exchanged vows of support and love.

Yes, the good and supportive people are out there...just not here....and I've really eliminated a ton of the pain that comes with dissapointed expectation. I've been here (alone) for a long time before now. I don't like it, but I can handle it.

_________________________
Wish You Were Here!

The Aftermath Video

The Water Buffalo Song

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#368006 - 08/12/11 04:07 PM Re: Anti-Disclosure Reality [Re: Still]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
But you see Robbie I've said to you before you are one of those good people and I'd bet you've helped many here and many in all aspects of your life.

After spending time here you see what a collection of really good men we are. I'm just hoping as ever something releases your undeserved pain and that of everyone here.

Keith

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#368010 - 08/12/11 05:21 PM Re: Anti-Disclosure Reality [Re: kb8715]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1179
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing


Edited by lapchinj (03/18/13 06:39 AM)
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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#368199 - 08/15/11 10:53 PM Re: Anti-Disclosure Reality [Re: CruxFidelis]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6397
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
Re Seeking help from clergy and requisit disclosure:

An interesting story. Might be good for a chuckle...

At least THREE times now I've been told by church resources via email to: Avoid temptations of the flesh...yadda yadda yadda.

I've just told you fk-tards that I was raped as a very small child until I was 14 and you tell me to "avoid temptations of the flesh??"

One source was a christian rock station on KCMO who asked anyone with life-damaging issues to email-in and they would counsel and pray. It was an annonomous disclosure I made while on a biz trip.

_________________________
Wish You Were Here!

The Aftermath Video

The Water Buffalo Song

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