Newest Members
BCtejas, JHNebraska, mike42069, JACKL, Personman
12491 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
kb8715 (114), rom2057 (57), terrapin (51)
Who's Online
4 registered (dan_in_newengland, pittsburgh, myrlin, 1 invisible), 22 Guests and 6 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12491 Members
74 Forums
64158 Topics
447715 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 2 of 3 < 1 2 3 >
Topic Options
#36733 - 10/27/06 09:08 PM Re: My story....
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
Daniel - I don't know how it is that we find this place, but we do find it.

The people here are the best you will find anywhere, and we all have concern for each other.

Ultimately we can read what is written here, seek advice and even give advice.

When it comes to our own recovery, we have to make up our own minds, what is best for us. None of us can tell another what they must do., so you are the one that must decide what your next step is in recovery - we will support you as you do that, whatever it is.

Best wishes ...Rik

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

Top
#36734 - 10/30/06 06:03 AM Re: My story....
Grunty1967b Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/28/05
Posts: 823
Loc: Australia
Daniel,

Welcome to MS. Iím glad you are already getting the support of fellow survivors. As has been said already, whether you confront your sister or not, it sounds like not much will change in her response to you anyway. Isnít she still Ďabusingí you by using the toilet and leaving the door open in full view of you? Thatís known as covert abuse. I donít see her changing that behaviour just because you confront her.

You mention that you want to let it all out for your sake and thatís fine for you. Just donít get your hopes up that she will change as a result of the confrontation. It seems unlikely.

You mention that you Ďonlyí have to see once per year. My abuser was my older brother. If I can read between the lines here Daniel, it seems that even this once per year gathering is still pretty upsetting for you. I know that it is or was for me. I made a decision many years ago that I would no longer attend the annual family gathering if my brother was going to be there. I needed to do that for myself. I havenít confronted him nor told my family. I donít feel to yet and donít know if I ever will. Thatís a separate issue for me. More important was how being in my brothers presence made me feel. I needed to take care of myself.

I know youíll make the right decision for yourself.


Top
#36735 - 10/30/06 07:02 AM Re: My story....
Daniel Singer Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 9
Loc: Texas
Grunty,

Hey thanks fo responding. I wanted to send this back as a private reply but don't know how to navigate here as I am new. Know how to send a private one? Please instuct me.

My sis?? My T and the books talk of taking the power back. Well that is my intention. Knowing her and her abuse she will immediately try and lock me into the thousandsth toe for toe abusive fight.

THis time for the first time my ideal is to say my piece and walk away. I want to set the lines. I wonder if she will close the bathroom as this does get me nauses as it reminds me of the dirt or stain she made me feel for 3 decades.

But hey I had a question. Is it possible abusers can just learn on their own.. In other words it could be possible she was not abused herself?? I am new to this recovery stuff so I have loads of questions. For ex. if she was done by my dad or step uncle what are the chances she will reveal this? When does this revealing if at all occurr. What percent rounghly of abusers are sexually abused themselves.??

peace Daniel...


Top
#36736 - 10/30/06 10:03 PM Re: My story....
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Daniel,

Quote:
I wanted to send this back as a private reply but don't know how to navigate here as I am new. Know how to send a private one? Please instuct me.
If you want to reply or communicate privately with someone, look for that line of icons at the top of his post. Click on the middle one, the one with the envelope and the image of one figure passing something to another. That will open the box for a PM, or private message.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#36737 - 11/03/06 09:26 AM Re: My story....
Grunty1967b Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/28/05
Posts: 823
Loc: Australia
Daniel,

I sent you a PM. Did you get it OK?

Bruce


Top
#36738 - 11/04/06 07:57 PM Re: My story....
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
Daniel I hope you are doing ok, talk to you soon.

Hugs

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

Top
#36739 - 11/06/06 04:11 PM Re: My story....
beccy Offline
Member

Registered: 05/28/06
Posts: 449
Loc: england
Daniel,

my bf was SA by his sister at a very young age 4 or 6, he can't remember. He decided to confront her by email. She had a bit of therapy, then told their parents, which was initially what he said he needed to happen. Since then, he has chosen to only communicate with his parents by email and no communication with his sister. Turns out she was abused first by a babysitter. This did confuse the feelings for bf initially. The whole fact of communication/confrontation does seem to bring with it all kinds of confusions and distractions from his own healing. But, at the same time, I think he's relieved he no longer has to pretent everything's fine. He no longer feels obliged to visit/join in family get togethers. The secret is out.

His sister did acknowledge the abuse. She did appologise to a satisfactory degree. All by letter. But still, he does not want contact with her, which I support him fully in choosing. It is all very hard, but I continue to support him in honouring his own feelings.

He has felt very relieved by the fact his parents have decided to seek therapy for himselves. But still these family situations are so emotionally draining and complex.

I wish you all the best in whatever you choose to do.

peace
Beccy


Top
#36740 - 11/07/06 05:47 AM Re: My story....
Daniel Singer Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 9
Loc: Texas
Becc.
Could you send me a private reply? I am interested in what you say but I don't know how to send a private reply.
thanks daniel


Top
#36741 - 11/07/06 06:49 PM Re: My story....
Koveri Offline
Member

Registered: 11/07/06
Posts: 80
Loc: Dallas, TX
DS,

I was raped by my older sister. She literally grabbed my penis and forced it into her. This when on for about two years until she left home. I was 12-13 at the time and still 5 years away from puberty. Later, in my 20s I confronted her about it, mainly because I wanted to confirm in my own mind that it really did happen. She confirmed it, but said I was just as much to blame because I had an erection at the time. I now regret having even brought it up. However, although there was no apology, I did get confirmation that the events happened. And that is worth something.


Top
#36742 - 11/07/06 06:54 PM Re: My story....
Koveri Offline
Member

Registered: 11/07/06
Posts: 80
Loc: Dallas, TX
Actually, the context/reason why I wanted validation was that I was trying to understand my homosexual orientation. I had thought that this and an incestuous relationship with my mother was the 'cause' of my orientation.


Top
Page 2 of 3 < 1 2 3 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.