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#367297 - 08/03/11 10:58 AM Re: Finally [Re: Ever-fixed Mark]
thefutureorbust Offline


Registered: 04/24/11
Posts: 171
Loc: NC
Thanks mark!

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"What does not kill me makes me stronger"

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#367298 - 08/03/11 11:21 AM Re: Finally [Re: thefutureorbust]
thefutureorbust Offline


Registered: 04/24/11
Posts: 171
Loc: NC
I will need to figure out how to become closer to women without co dependancy and also how to not look at women as objects to get off to. My relationship with my mother was horrendous

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#367307 - 08/03/11 02:17 PM Re: Finally [Re: Ever-fixed Mark]
Lo Don Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/26/11
Posts: 133
Loc: Sacramento
Hey, group.
I watched a program with Oprah's 200 Men, when she asked that direct question to Dr. Howard Fradkin, "Does having been molested as a boy by a man make him Homosexual?"
He said the sexual imprinting had begun far before that occurrance. So, no it does not make them gay or bisexual. I disagree but I only went to graduate school in Sociology and Psychology and on molestation is only a hobby I write about, because I am a MS, have SSA, still happily married with an understanding wife, who has rules: no women, no men! My friends are held to No Women! I have read about several men who's lives changed after the molestation; I believe they would have been straight if there was no male preditor.
I am not an expert; but with talking to others and my own rapes I have to disagree with the founder of MS.
Don

_________________________
The me that nobody knows!
Did you replace me with a younger Boy?Does he bend,squat, beat,say Awwww as well as me?
I still love you & miss you.My Perb referred to me as his
'Dirty 'lil Boy','cause I allowed him to bang on me anywhere, anytime."Bend over you Dirty Boy;we know you can take it!"

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#367309 - 08/03/11 02:55 PM Re: Finally [Re: Lo Don]
thefutureorbust Offline


Registered: 04/24/11
Posts: 171
Loc: NC
No it doesnt MAKE you gay but leaves a POSITIVE imprint which can cause SSA, acting out with men and a longing for closeness with males, love and care from males. Especially if the child was brought to orgasm. I think the author of the article was pointing out OK just accept the SSA dont be upset about them and its OK to label yourself as bi and never act out with men. Its basically the same thing you just said but in different words. You have SSA but wont act on it. For people that dont fullfill those needs they can live a "homosexual' lifetsyle and not realize they arent gay. Like I posted earlier, a man on this board was gay for 22 years, had relationships sex with males etc...he connected what he was doing with his abuse and how he was attempting to fullfill those needs and became or "came out straight". However contrary to popular belief sexuality male and female DOES exist on a contonioum. Most everyone is at least SLIGHTLY bisexual. I have way too many gay friends to think otherwise. Many of them say if they had a few drinks they would bang a girl or suck on her tities lol The impact my abuse that I suffered at 6 years old by the hands of my father was astronomical...I seek emotional comfort and love from men...never acted with men and have been with a ton of girls sexually and relationship wise...saying Im bi shuts up the two voices in my head. Each one battleing for dominance over the other. I probably would have turned out bisexual or straight with SSA without abuse. My mother was insane. Horribly emotionally and physically abusive to myself and my brothers and even my father. My dad was cold, withdrawn and was obviously defeated by my mother. I had crushes on both sexes during childhood with the boy crushes being much stronger after the abuse.



Edited by freshwound (08/03/11 03:16 PM)
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#367318 - 08/03/11 05:25 PM Re: Finally [Re: Lo Don]
Prairie Dog Offline


Registered: 05/20/11
Posts: 19
Deleted myself


Edited by Prairie Dog (06/11/12 01:09 AM)

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#367329 - 08/03/11 07:37 PM Re: Finally [Re: Prairie Dog]
thefutureorbust Offline


Registered: 04/24/11
Posts: 171
Loc: NC
WOW is all I can say Prairie dog. I cant tell you how much I relate to your story. Just when I feel im all alone and the only one going through the struggles, thoughts, guilt, anxieties and frustrations, someone like you comes along and almost mirrors my experiences 100%. My dads abuse was also "love", grooming, kissing and seduction. After the abuse he was cold, withdrawn, miserable. My mother was not all ther ementally,. I would come home from school and she would be sleeping on the couch, if I went to grab a bowl of cereal she would wake up screaming "you little fuck you woke me up on purpose, get the fuck out the kitchen". Or she would slap me across the face. Once she was on the phone laughing saying "let me go im about to beat the shit out of my kid" and she ran over and pulled and pulled on my hair until my head swelled. I also have a horrible feeling she may also have sexually abused me. I am not certain, but sometimes when im having sex with a girl something feels a little twisted and "familiar". My brother was also very abusive to me verbally and I also have a bad feeling he too sexually abused me. The combination of these trumatic events caused me at a younge age to gravitate towards boys more and I was terrified of girls and little attractions. I had a few crushes on some of the older girls in the neighborhood and then a few crushes on girls in elementary school. Girls were like this mysterious thing to me..pictures and images from magazines and tv in real life that I didnt know how to relate to. When you said humiliation I related. My mother humiliated me constantly, emasculating me every chance she had. So now I am left with SSA that is mostly emotional and I have pure lust for girls...porn star style sex...dirty talk etc and have little interest for closeness...the second I attempt to do so it turns into co-dependancy.

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#367373 - 08/04/11 12:48 AM Re: Finally [Re: thefutureorbust]
Lo Don Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/26/11
Posts: 133
Loc: Sacramento
Freshwound, Prairie Dog,

This is great! You both are like twins! I can relate also, both of you are incredible! Both of you had relations with your parents, you are knowledgable about all of this. I have been extremely confused for years. I have been brought to an orgasm by lots of men from 12 on. I have been brought to orgasm by women several times. I have been brought to orgasm at parties with both men and women at the same time, and loved it. I was a dirty boy. I am cleaning up as we speak. I also am bisexual, with SSA tendencies. I can not have a relationship with men; only one night stands; leave before dawn. I am married, with a mind in conflict, but able to keep it under manageable mind set. Just the opposite of the both of you I have lust for men, but can maintain a loving relations with women.
A very stupid statement: Gay, Bisexual, Hetersexual. Are there grey areas? CDA, SSA? Is Gay and Bisexual considered Homosexual!? I do not totally understand what I am, the search is long, I do not know who I am. Your conversation is making a lot of sense. Thank you Freshwound and Prairie Dog! You 2 have helped me find the me that nobody knows.
Peace,
Don

_________________________
The me that nobody knows!
Did you replace me with a younger Boy?Does he bend,squat, beat,say Awwww as well as me?
I still love you & miss you.My Perb referred to me as his
'Dirty 'lil Boy','cause I allowed him to bang on me anywhere, anytime."Bend over you Dirty Boy;we know you can take it!"

Top
#367388 - 08/04/11 08:14 AM Re: Finally [Re: Lo Don]
thefutureorbust Offline


Registered: 04/24/11
Posts: 171
Loc: NC
Thanks Don, I think for survivors labels dont work, they just dont. But for many of us "bi" helps keep our sanity. There is NO conclusive proof that biology, genetics, evviormental cues or any other factors are COMPLETLY responsible for sexual orientation. And sadly and honestly NOBODY can prove sexual abuse cannot alter ones orientation, or at least blur it so badly someone could literally spend thier whole lives trapped in abuse and shut off one portion of their sexuality and gravitate towards the other. From what ive read it depends on the abuse and the subjective experience of the survivor. I've read stories of women who were brutally raped by men, never had an attraction to women before and after rape was suddenly attracted to women. Men who get life in prison not only rape each other but develop attractions and some even fall in love with other men despite never having these feelings before. One can make the logical conclusion that Kinsey and Frued were right about sexuality. Everyone on the planet is born more or less bisexual and various factors cause us to either go in one direction, the other , stay in the middle or shift during our lives. I believe its rare any one of us are born 100% gay or straight. I happen to disagree with Joe Kort's take on sexuality. He talks about straight men that have sex with men. Non abused men that seek out sex with other men for whatever reason, and he comes up with logical conclusions for each. Personally I feel its a slap in the face to bisexuals. Bisexuality is not about even attractions. Even though these guys may be looking for the act vs the person its still not a woman , its a guy. Its a bisexual tendency coming out. Obviously if the man is abused its a different story, but he may have to use the label bi anyway to keep his sanity.



Edited by freshwound (08/04/11 08:15 AM)
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#367421 - 08/04/11 07:19 PM Re: Finally [Re: thefutureorbust]
Logan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/05/03
Posts: 1241
Loc: NY
Hi Guys. My name is Logan and I am 30 yrs old (but emotionally I feel much closer to early 20's).

I just wanted to say that I have been reading all of these posts and have found them to be tremendously helpful and reassuring!

I basically wanted to chime in and pretty much say thank you-to all of you that have contributed to this post! I have struggled with SSA for a while and have acted out with guys before-but I always felt tremendously shameful immediately afterward!!!

You guys have been very candid and honest when expressing yourselves on this post, which I have found happens to be a very difficult topic to discuss, so I will try to do the same.

As far as my sexuality goes..... Well I may as well give you guys some back round info.
I had several Perps: a next door neighbor that basically was just fondling and that was from 7-8 yrs old, and the fucked up thing about that is he groomed me and I didn't even know that what he was doing was wrong at the time.
The other main perps was a teacher and another person. The stuff that happened with the teacher was, in the beginning at 11 yrs old, not that bad--that is until I think it was a bout a year later that he began to threaten me and began to "share" with his sick pedo-ring friends, some of whom were very violent and terrifying and those ones made me do stuff with other kids to which i though was my fault and hated myself for it for the longest time until I spoke about it here on MS and in Therapy. They also made child porn from me.
The last time I was raped I was late 14 or 15--I sorry but I don't really remember.

I could go on but it is painful to think about and besides we all have our own stories of why we are here! The important thing is that WE ARE HERE! And now the important thing now is to try to recover and heal from the immense shame and damage that was done to us that was completely not our Fault or by our creation at all!

I just want to add that although I don't always feel this way, I feel very fortunate to have made it and survived and therefore I can now say it and call my self a SURVIVOR!!!!!

Back to the main topic:
I was suicidal by the time I was 17 because I hated myself so much and thought that the CSA made me Gay. and I continued to think that I was gay until I was around 19-20. Then I had my first GF and all of that changed and I suppressed everything until the nightmares hit when I was around 24 or 25 and I began this journey

Sorry about spilling so much, but I just thought that it would only be fair since you guys have poured out your heart and soul on the issue.

Anyway for the last 2 or 3 yrs now, I have secretly considered my self Bi-leaning more towards straight/hetero.

when I have acted out with other guys in the past, it wasn't because I was sexually attracted to them. I know this because many times I had trouble getting and maintaining an erection. So the reasons for the behavior were several; the main one I think was to have male bonding/intimacy with a male, but I didn't know that at the time.

Again I just want to say Thanks for this post and discussion on a very tough and for me-shame filled topic!

Take good care of yourselves.

Sincerely,
Logan

P.S. I made some posts on the Members side of the Forum about this very topic that some of you may find helpful. I could repost them here if you guys may find it helpful. We are all here to help each other, Right?
Just let me know or PM me.



Edited by Logan (08/04/11 07:22 PM)
Edit Reason: Post Script
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"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption
WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009
"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"
-Blade Runner

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#367438 - 08/04/11 10:27 PM Re: Finally [Re: Logan]
thefutureorbust Offline


Registered: 04/24/11
Posts: 171
Loc: NC
Thanks for sharing Logan. I think everyone here will find this very very very interesting! http://members.tripod.com/~unicorn_rg/imprint_hypothesis.html

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