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#367218 - 08/02/11 08:02 AM Finally
thefutureorbust Offline


Registered: 04/24/11
Posts: 171
Loc: NC
After such a long time of internal struggles, I have finally come to peace to my sexual identity. I, like most of the people on the planet (who are honest with themselves) is bisexual. I had two sides of my personality fighting each other, each one trying to kill the other. I finally relaxed and realized there is room for both sides of my desires. I may never be with a man sexually and only chose to have fantasies or some day I may give it a shot. My mind isnt closed. I do want children someday and my own family so I will need an open minded woman who will accept me for who I am. My abuse destroyed so many needs that are unmet to this day with males. Maybe as I work on those needs my SSA will disapear, if not oh well. Feels good to breathe again. And I realized I allowed the complete bullshit from the gay and straight community that bisexuals dont exist to completly posion my mind and casue me horrible conflict and anxiety. Now im free smile

_________________________
"What does not kill me makes me stronger"

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#367229 - 08/02/11 12:03 PM Re: Finally [Re: thefutureorbust]
kinghenri Offline


Registered: 05/06/09
Posts: 214
Loc: Tucson Arizona
Congratulations man. :-)

_________________________
"In my life, I have seen,
People walk into the sea,
Just to find memories,
Plagued by constant misery,
Their eyes cast down,
Fixed upon the ground,
Their eyes cast down

I'll keep my eyes fixed on the sun"

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#367232 - 08/02/11 12:48 PM Re: Finally [Re: kinghenri]
kinghenri Offline


Registered: 05/06/09
Posts: 214
Loc: Tucson Arizona
I think I'm gonna do the same. It's just too much emotional distress.
I guess once the pressure is off I won't have as much trouble with women (sexually).
Best of luck

_________________________
"In my life, I have seen,
People walk into the sea,
Just to find memories,
Plagued by constant misery,
Their eyes cast down,
Fixed upon the ground,
Their eyes cast down

I'll keep my eyes fixed on the sun"

Top
#367237 - 08/02/11 01:42 PM Re: Finally [Re: kinghenri]
thefutureorbust Offline


Registered: 04/24/11
Posts: 171
Loc: NC
how old were you when you were abused Henri? and who was your perp

_________________________
"What does not kill me makes me stronger"

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#367243 - 08/02/11 05:23 PM Re: Finally [Re: thefutureorbust]
kinghenri Offline


Registered: 05/06/09
Posts: 214
Loc: Tucson Arizona
4. I was four yrs old
I recorded 3 videos regarding my struggle on my phone. I wanted to try and post them here but I dont thinkvI can

_________________________
"In my life, I have seen,
People walk into the sea,
Just to find memories,
Plagued by constant misery,
Their eyes cast down,
Fixed upon the ground,
Their eyes cast down

I'll keep my eyes fixed on the sun"

Top
#367248 - 08/02/11 07:16 PM Re: Finally [Re: kinghenri]
thefutureorbust Offline


Registered: 04/24/11
Posts: 171
Loc: NC
who was the perp to you? mine was my dad

_________________________
"What does not kill me makes me stronger"

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#367282 - 08/03/11 02:20 AM Re: Finally [Re: thefutureorbust]
kinghenri Offline


Registered: 05/06/09
Posts: 214
Loc: Tucson Arizona
His name was Steve.
He moved in with us.
My parents didn't really care about us or they couldn't I don't really know. Part of me suspects they were once victims that doesn't excuse their negligence.
He was always there when thet weren't. Attention, toys, fun trips. I grew up with steve as my father so I can kinda understand where you're coming from. I enjoyed the abuse but i really didn't have a choice. It's so fucked up.

_________________________
"In my life, I have seen,
People walk into the sea,
Just to find memories,
Plagued by constant misery,
Their eyes cast down,
Fixed upon the ground,
Their eyes cast down

I'll keep my eyes fixed on the sun"

Top
#367291 - 08/03/11 08:18 AM Re: Finally [Re: kinghenri]
thefutureorbust Offline


Registered: 04/24/11
Posts: 171
Loc: NC
yeah, and many people on this board make VERY dangerous claims that abuse cannot CHANGE orientation...maybe not BUT the confusion can be so deep that one can yearen for that "love" that bond that sexual feeling and become convinced they are gay and live there lives chasing the "positive' feelings during abuse. There is a guy on this board who spent 22 years dude 22 years a gay man..Then he went for help for his abuse and made the connection to not only his sexual behaviors but also his feelings...that unmet need the abuse left with him. Hes straight now and with kids, not with men anymore and fullfills his needs by intimate non sexual male bonding. EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT. 22 years is a long time to be "convinced" your gay.

_________________________
"What does not kill me makes me stronger"

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#367292 - 08/03/11 08:19 AM Re: Finally [Re: thefutureorbust]
thefutureorbust Offline


Registered: 04/24/11
Posts: 171
Loc: NC
and no he didnt do repairative theraphy

_________________________
"What does not kill me makes me stronger"

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#367296 - 08/03/11 10:42 AM Re: Finally [Re: thefutureorbust]
Ever-fixed Mark Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/02/10
Posts: 727
Loc: United States
Hey Freshwound,

I'm glad to hear that you have come to a place of peace with your sexual identity.

There was an interesting quote in the Sexual Imprinting book that you referenced earlier talking about male on male sexual abuse that results in a "positive sexual imprint":

Quote:
"It is also extremely important to to stress to survivors in this category (homosexual abuse) that choosing heterosexuality ("I want to be straight and have a family and children and never think about guys/girls again") as a therapy goal is usually impractical, in my opinion. In my experience with hundreds of survivors of this type, the positive imprint is permanent, and if they catch themselves looking at same-sex peers or adults and becoming aroused (...) they will then feel that they failed, both in therapy and in their new goals. It is far better for them to accept the fact that they will always be bisexual (in order to cover any same-sex attractions, thoughts, and fantasies)..."

I know that understanding and aligning my sexual orientation, sexual identity, and sexual behavior has brought me to a similarly peaceful place. The individual is always at the center of the journey and they ultimately decide what is right for them. I'm glad to see you claiming that autonomy fully.

-efm

_________________________

Everybody here's got a story to tell
Everybody's been through their own hell
There's nothing too special about getting hurt
Getting over it, that takes the work

- "Duck and Cover" by Glen Phillips

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