I understand Mike - Happened to me in the Navy in 1981. Finally caused so many physiological problems that I couldn't run away from it. 2008 I attempted to end my life and by 2009, I started having seizures so bad that I didn't know what was happening. I finally got help at the VA Pgh Hospital. 2 months inpatient and still in counseling. Some days, like today, I just wanna give up. Never feeling I'll ever be the man and husband my wife deserves. I sometimes don't know why, but I continue to push forward, hoping that tomorrow I can shake this. I am sorry for what happened to you.
Forgiving does not always mean everything goes back to the way it was. There are still natural consequences for what was done.