I have been in a MST group in Muskogee for several years . I reacently tried to discuss the fact. That sometimes when I have Sex with my Wife it trigers Flashbacks to when I was raped . I was told by the Group leader that they had neaver heard of such a thing . I was just blown off. This has bothered me because This problem is a real problem to me.
What should I do?

There is definitive examples of this. The same occurs with csa, asa, mst...the whole process is triggering, regardless...

I would do some research, find examples, and present it to the group in a neutral manner...it's been my experience that more men have this, they are just too ashamed to admit....

I don't see why flashbacks would NOT occur at such times-I think they are signs of moving towards healthy and fuller integration of ourselves.

I choose,'however, not to deliberately trigger flashbacks or recall when I am being sexual-my sexuality was marred by the abuse for far too long.

Minds are strange grey matter. It stores all of our data. When trauma occurs, it puts it in the back part of the grey matter. It will spit it out at the worst times. Making love with your wife, when all of a sudden the man who raped you is now in bed with you. Can't tell your wife, she won't understand. so you just work through it eventhough it means you just had sex with your past and your spouse in the here and now.
I had trouble in the Boys Locker room having flash backs and hiding a boner when naked with 40 naked boys. I thought of our many sex acts during exams in Jr High and develop poor grades due to lack of concentration. Later in college I had them but somehow was able to get past them and brought my grades way up. He still comes into my bedroom, and deal with the 3 of us eventhough I have not seen him in years. No one knows this goes on; most people won't understand, my wife would be 1st in line.
It is not totally undercontrol, but I live through it,
Don

I have the same problems. If I understand it, it's not so uncommon, I think it may be the same for everyone here.

I had them a lot. They are very real and very much a problem.

All I can say is that if you can find positions and methods of touch that don't cause the flashbacks as much that's part of the solution.




He should know better!

Mike,

Did your therapist/group leader get their GED yet?
This will, not can soften tour erection which will affect your performance. Many times just a 'lil; then the inability of penetration.
An excellent therapist is crucial!!!!
'ya know the VA has mental health with group therapy, therapy with Psychologists and Pschiatrists. If you have a VA Hospital, Clinic, or Vet Center near you; it is free of charge. This does not have to be a Service Connected Disability. Just your DD214. If you do not have your DD214 I can help you get yours.
Notice: We are all psychologically damaged. We can ger through this. The VA will bend over backwards to eliminate the disability. If you were raped or molested in the Service, the VA will compensate you for that. I know the process; but you must do the work, due to MS is totally anonymous. Still doable.

Don

I have been going to the VA in Muskogee for the last 10 years.
This is the first time that I have had a theropest blow be off.
The theropest that did this Has been runing the MST group for the last 3 years. I did have faith in Her ability to help me with this . Until She did this.
I am at 100% service conected for a combination of Ptsd and Physical Problems . I have lost faith in the system

Sorry 'bout this. I would like to ask the Military Forum a question: I have been communicating along with Darkheart, with lapchinj (Jeff).
He will not tell his family he is a CSA. So his wife of years knows nothing about his abuse.
She also does not know he served in the U S Air Force and has a Honorable Discharge. I told him "Don't you think this is something she might want to know?
Let him know if he should keep all of this a secret. He does need our input; Darkheart and I have written to him and to no avail.

Thank you,
Don
US Army Retired

Don...I think jeff will do what is right for him, when the time is right for him...for us, we are mere observers...we feel the hurt, but it's his heart and his decision...jeff needs love and support right now ...

Just my two cents