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#366968 - 07/30/11 02:27 AM -
exhale Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/12/10
Posts: 101
-


Edited by exhale (01/13/13 11:25 PM)

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#366970 - 07/30/11 03:03 AM Re: fuck this [Re: exhale]
Thad Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/28/01
Posts: 1752
Loc: Oakland, CA
there is no way to answer such a painful place except to say I've been there and it passes. Right now the most important thing is to make it through the day.

Take a little step toward healing however small it is.

_________________________
"..this place isn't a discussion forum..it's a portal..." Lupin
"The truth will set you free, but first it will probably piss you off." dwf's AA sponsor.

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#366978 - 07/30/11 06:30 AM Re: fuck this [Re: exhale]
well-intended Offline


Registered: 04/15/11
Posts: 124
Loc: Belgium
Actually, that your behavior would have been stupid is not the first thought that pops up in my mind. My first impression is that I'm reading about a young person, who's surrounding himself with people who might be exploiting and manipulating him, and who is driven desperate. My apologies if I'm reading too much into it, but this is my first intuitive thought, not that you're stupid.


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#366979 - 07/30/11 06:47 AM Re: fuck this [Re: well-intended]
CheerfulJohn Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/22/10
Posts: 142
Loc: England (at the moment)
You were not made as a "basic pleasure model"

I know the feeling......even though I'm 47 and on the "scrap-heap"


We are not that. And I really don't expect or want you to suck mine.

CJ

_________________________
Wolves will live with lambs. Leopards will lie down with goats. Calves, young lions, and year-old lambs will be together, and little children will lead them.

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#366981 - 07/30/11 07:06 AM Re: fuck this [Re: CheerfulJohn]
StAiNeD Offline


Registered: 06/27/11
Posts: 17
Loc: The Bronx
Jesper

Hey. I give a shit. I really really do. Don't give up on yourself cuz I sure as hell haven't given up on you.

Stay strong. Work smart.

T

_________________________
"At any given moment you have the power to say this is not how the story is going to end."

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#366992 - 07/30/11 12:15 PM Re: fuck this [Re: StAiNeD]
Anthony39 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/15/07
Posts: 345
Loc: Montreal, Canada
Hey Jesper,

A lot of angers in your words. Good. Anger is a genuine emotion. You cannot expect people to behave differently given the situation you put yourself in. You are a strong man, because you come here. Nobody is laughing at you, and if they are tell me which ones, we will have a talk. If you need to vent or to share how you feel , do it. Say what you have to say. I told you that trust and friendship take a long time to develop, it doesn't happen overnight. We all share something in here, something terrible from our pasts. We made choices afterwards based on our needs to survive. You and I made the same choices. Don't expect to find answers with those people. Everyday is a new day Jesper. A new day to look forward. Don't know if i told you but this, but the cage i am/was in is/was very comfortable. If you take an animal in a zoo that's lived all it's life in a small space and you build him a large beautiful natural area to live in. He will still choose to stay in his cage , because it feels safe. Eventually he will habituate himself to the new space but it takes time. I still am comfortable in my cage, but i go out and explore more and more.
You can get all the support, real support, constructive help from guys in here. You have to ask man, no shame in it. Anytime you want to talk as i said before i will listen, always.
Anthony

_________________________
Look up and not down; look forward and not back; look out and not in; and lend a hand.
E. E. Hale


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eM213aMKTHg

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#366993 - 07/30/11 12:20 PM Re: fuck this [Re: exhale]
john22 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/16/06
Posts: 179
Loc: Europe-Belgium
Hey Jesper

I'm sorry you have to experience these worst sides of life. But please don't give up. I can relate that whenever things go from bad to worse, it seems we can't get out of the swamp anymore. But we can. You are not alone in this, even if you feel it sometimes, You're not.

I give a lot about you. So it's not stupid to come here to seek some consolation. Don't close this door to you. As in isolation nothing can be gained. By reaching out some help will come along. You're no "fucking pathetic whining whore" as you entitle yourself at this time. You're just Jesper, a cool guy who's going through a very rough time.

Be kind to yourself

John


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#366996 - 07/30/11 02:38 PM Re: fuck this [Re: john22]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1626
Loc: Minnesota
Jesper
I'm sorry you see yourself that way-and that you can't see how things CAN gt better bit by bit-pits of people here support you and are here for u on his journey- make those detours off the path of healing less frequent and less damaging.

I had to stop having alcohol and non-loving sex in my life, btw.
They caused me more despair and shame and I found help to face life without these false solutions.

_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

“It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#367009 - 07/30/11 06:28 PM Re: fuck this [Re: Mountainous Buck]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Jesper,

I was clicking through some YouTube things a few minutes ago and ran onto a video of Daniel Radcliffe speaking when he was accepting the Trevor Hero award. One line in his speech jumped out at me. It was this:

"Remember that yours is a life worth fighting for and know that when you're going through hell, keep going!"

Now I don't know what Daniel Radcliffe's experiences have been but I know I and most of the other guys here have been where you are at one time or another and in some way. I know that what Daniel said is true. It'll never improve for us if we don't keep going, so just hold on tight!

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#367038 - 07/31/11 01:00 AM Re: fuck this [Re: WalkingSouth]
Tedure Offline


Registered: 04/17/09
Posts: 203
Loc: Utah
Everybody's comments here have given you nothing but love and respect and some good advise. I hope you can see into their hearts and feel all of our deep concern and love for you. I know it is hard but it WILL get better! Please Take care,

Ted

_________________________
When you change the way you look at things the things you look at change.

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#367044 - 07/31/11 03:38 AM Re: fuck this [Re: Tedure]
TheBobcatAgain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/10
Posts: 507
Loc: AZ, U.S.A.
Jesper,

Buddy, you have a voice in the back of your head telling you lies and bad things about yourself. I know, because I have that same voice, as I'm sure many other guys here do too.

The trick is to stop listening to it. Tell it to get lost. Tell it to stop beating you up. Tell that voice, "Fuck this!" and go listen to someone else...like one of your brothers here who loves you.

Try to listen to us, bro. Listen when we tell you that you are GOOD. Stop listening when that voice tells you that you are bad.

In time, that voice will fade to silence, and you will understand that its control over you was merely an illusion.

God bless you, buddy. Take care, okay?

Your brother,

Bobcat

_________________________
You don't have to be perfect to be wonderful.

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#367328 - 08/03/11 07:32 PM - [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
exhale Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/12/10
Posts: 101
-


Edited by exhale (01/13/13 11:25 PM)

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#367333 - 08/03/11 07:54 PM Re: fuck this [Re: exhale]
Darkheart Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 331
Loc: Illinois
Jesper...the voice still talks me sometimes too. But over time, the good voice gets louder smile

You are good...and you are loved smile

_________________________
My Story...

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...8711#Post348711

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#367411 - 08/04/11 03:17 PM - [Re: Darkheart]
exhale Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/12/10
Posts: 101
-


Edited by exhale (01/13/13 11:25 PM)

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#367425 - 08/04/11 08:54 PM Re: fuck this [Re: exhale]
rcm Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/07
Posts: 156
Loc: Boston, MA
Hey Jesper, does it help to chat? Look me up if you need.
Raul

_________________________
______________________________________________
Prince Zuko: [looking at a map] How am I going to find the Avatar? He is clearly a master of evasive maneuvering.
Sokka: [cut to him, looking at the same map] You have no idea where you're going, do you?

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#367539 - 08/06/11 06:37 AM Re: fuck this [Re: Tedure]
Aberrant30 Offline


Registered: 01/29/10
Posts: 139
Loc: I live on the Emerald Coast, F...
i am sorry jesper i know how you feel.

_________________________
"The beginning of eternity
The end of time and space
The beginning of every end,
And the end of every place."
Hint: It's in front of you right now.
(Formerly known as Aberrant30

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#367776 - 08/09/11 01:09 PM Re: fuck this [Re: exhale]
john22 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/16/06
Posts: 179
Loc: Europe-Belgium
Hey Jesper

I realise people care about you and your well being. As I do too. But it's not a waste of our time. I will be persistent in "wasting" my time to show you that I care about you and love you. You're worth all of that time.

Please be kind to yourself

John


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#367801 - 08/09/11 08:05 PM Re: fuck this [Re: john22]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1401
Loc: California
Jesper,

My heart goes out to you. I've been there. I often don't FEEL LOVED either.

My grandmother taught me something very significant which I didn't realize was profound and true until recently.

REAL love is a verb. It is something you do, not something you feel.

When a person takes the time to listen when they have other things they need to do, that is love. When a person takes ANY time of their day to go out of their way to be polite, courteous, kind, thoughtful, it is with love. it is a choice.

I think we in western societies have been hoodwinked by hollywood into believing that romantic form of love is the supreme form of love. But it is fleeting and temporary. 95% of people who fall in love fall out of love with the person they fell in love with. It's based on a feeling. And feelings always change. Just my humble opinion.

It was difficult for me to choose to change my belief about the nature of love, but once I started taking a look at it, I started to see that indeed there were people all around me who are loving me, even if I can't feel it. I have to choose to look for it, because with my crooked mindset of self hate and loathing, it is hard for me to see.

I wish you well.

D

_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

Loving Kindness Meditation will dramatically improve your spirits; give it a try for just 3 days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7cpV7ERsM

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#367870 - 08/10/11 04:38 PM Re: fuck this [Re: Magellan]
believe Offline


Registered: 09/06/10
Posts: 1
a certain someone wrote this especially for you..

I have a friend i really care for
how much he'll never know
he carries a burden which is heavy
weighed down by pain and sorrow

I try to make him understand
how can i make him see?
there are people here who love him
love him, unconditionally

I know he's going to make it
so much, it makes me cry
i want him to believe this too
the belief i have in this guy

unspoken thoughts and feelings
emotions good and bad
questions with no answers
the acceptance of being sad

deserted, lonely, all alone
isolated from the main
immersed in a sea of questions
confusion, fear and pain

broken sleep and worry
marbled logic and doubt
stuck fast, trapped inside
wondering if there's a way out

anger, distrust, impatience
in a blur of right and wrong
swimming in a sea of tears
wondering how to belong

its all part of the picture
how can i make him see?
he's not alone, others understand
they understand just like me

a mind that is a box
a heart both empty and full
memories that will not go away
a spirit that will never dull

even if i dont know the answers
i want you to understand
i will be here for you if you need me
even if just to hold your hand

so in case there's any confusion
of this chance Sinead will avail
to say I love you Jesper and
you're a brave little soldier exhale


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