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#367129 - 08/01/11 01:36 AM Re: It's all falling apart and I've got no one... [Re: Fissy Tsickens]
tarheel Offline


Registered: 04/16/09
Posts: 13
John,

I have nothing to say that will make you feel better. I don't face the same kind of abuse you're feeling from your family. My wife continues to point out to me that I am no longer reliable, that I contribute little to our lives in comparison to what she brings. She's trying to make me see reality as she sees it. I can't say she's wrong. I wish I could.

I've taken to driving without my seatbelt in hopes that someone will hit my car and I will be allowed to die. My children are young, and I am convinced that leaving or killing myself would do them harm, so I don't. But I wonder how long it will be before they start to realize that I'm not like the other dads and begin to hold me in the contempt my wife feels for me.

All I can say is I feel the same desire for a way out of a situation from wihch there seems no legitimate escape. The only thing that helps me is distraction. I try to keep my mind occupied and off my sad thoughts. When I can actually do that I can go minutes and maybe even hours without wishing I was dead.


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#367132 - 08/01/11 01:53 AM Re: It's all falling apart and I've got no one... [Re: tarheel]
Sailboat92 Offline


Registered: 02/21/11
Posts: 79
Loc: Ct
Your allowing the abuse to win, and this is the fight of your life. You are too beautiful, incredible, loving, funny, smart, and unique to let the bully win this- fight, fight fight...feel, feel, feel ,feel!

There is light, I know- don't let that fucking bully beat you, your too strong, believe me, we all are, more than we ever knew.

_________________________
I don't have one

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#367133 - 08/01/11 01:55 AM Re: It's all falling apart and I've got no one... [Re: Fissy Tsickens]
Sailboat92 Offline


Registered: 02/21/11
Posts: 79
Loc: Ct
Get some oil and start figuring it out, so you can get out from the rock and hard place.

_________________________
I don't have one

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#367137 - 08/01/11 02:15 AM Re: It's all falling apart and I've got no one... [Re: Fissy Tsickens]
tarheel Offline


Registered: 04/16/09
Posts: 13
I lived in Bristol for two years. I still live in the rural South. I understand your situation.

I think Sailboat gave you some sound advice when he told you to start talking to the younger kids. Don't leave them without at least an acknowledgement that they are living in chaos. Give them something to hope about. Don't let them imagine they are the fault for the horror show.

My wife's mother said her only regret about her divorce settlement was that she didn't get a Jewish lawyer who could have caused her ex more pain. I know I'd face the same loss of kids ifI pushed for custody, too. It was a learned behavior. What amazes me about my wife, though, is that in all her hostility and fear, she is also capable of tolerance. She wants to have hope, and that gives me a little tiny bit of hope.

She married an executive with a six figure salary. Within a year of our wedding I had begun the downhill slide. It was gradual, but now, 12 years later, the descent ihas left us kiving nothing that resembles the loives we thought we would have together. She did not get what she bargained for and it's been very hard for her. That doesn't excuse some of her tactics and cruelty, but it helps me understand. And so I guess I'm saying that while everyone is saying ditch your wife, I understand it's just not that simple.


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#367162 - 08/01/11 10:07 AM Re: It's all falling apart and I've got no one... [Re: tarheel]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Tarheel put your bloody seatbelt on man!

Right now Tar, John and Boat are posting very similar threads about abuse & family effect. Stings like a Son of a Bitch for sure.

Don't accept it. Want to make a list of what is wrong with us, our wives, our kids, our dogs, our jobs our neighbors? Ok, go at it. We will all fill up pages. Abused ot not any human being can do that.

Do the opposite. Ask what is right instead. Our lists are long.

Man I would love to see each of you in this post come back and acknowledge to each of us what we have done right in life.

I will but you all need to first.

The real deal for us all is here and today. The shit that happened to us all as kids is done.

But we own now......

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#367198 - 08/01/11 10:33 PM Re: It's all falling apart and I've got no one... [Re: tarheel]
Fissy Tsickens Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/23/08
Posts: 466
Loc: Bassett, Virginia
Tarheal, I know that feeling. The only thing that stopped my attempt a couple of years ago was it ruled a suicide, my family would not get my life insurance. I don't want to hurt them anymore than I already have. But I walk around hoping I'll keel over from an aneurism or something. (sigh)

Peace,

John

_________________________
Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home Iíll never see

It may sound absurd...but donít be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but wonít you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
Itís not easy to be me

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#367202 - 08/01/11 10:53 PM Re: It's all falling apart and I've got no one... [Re: Fissy Tsickens]
Fissy Tsickens Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/23/08
Posts: 466
Loc: Bassett, Virginia
cry



Edited by Fissy Tsickens (08/06/11 07:05 PM)
_________________________
Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home Iíll never see

It may sound absurd...but donít be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but wonít you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
Itís not easy to be me

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#367206 - 08/01/11 11:11 PM Re: It's all falling apart and I've got no one... [Re: Fissy Tsickens]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11182
Loc: Denver, CO
John, Those are amazing accomplishments. It's amazing to me what some wives do not appreciate in a man.

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#367219 - 08/02/11 08:11 AM Re: It's all falling apart and I've got no one... [Re: FormerTexan]
ACRoberts Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/10
Posts: 242
Loc: New Jersey (recently moved fro...
John,
My heart goes out to you. You are a good man with so much to offer. I understand your thought process on protecting your family, but you are part of the family that needs protecting. I agree with many of the others here that you need to take a stand and not let other's disfunction rule your life.

Until my wife was the victim of a pedestrian hit and run two years ago which has left her disabled, she ran the house in every way. It only appeared that I was the one in control. I was forced to step up and take over when this all happened and through couples counseling since then, we have found a more equal balance of power in our relationship.

Being abused as a child left me unable to stand up for myself, only others. I have started to stand up for myself and not feel the guilt. This has caused a major change in my family structure with my two sons and their wives. But they are adjusting as I am.

Your support has always helped me in the past when I was going through dark days. I only hope that you hear all of your brothers here and know that we are with you in your struggle.

_________________________
Allan
________________________
WOR Sequoia 2011--it has changed my life!

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#367222 - 08/02/11 08:30 AM Re: It's all falling apart and I've got no one... [Re: ACRoberts]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
John the work you do with school kids alone says you are one hell of a man.

I refuse to believe your kids do not see that. I say they do. You more than others know how tough teens and young adults can be on us Dads.

No long ago I heard my middle kid (she kicks my A$$ constantly) say behind my back "I give my Dad shit, but he's always there for me and I always listen to him". Trust me, it was the last thing I expected to hear.

I hope it is the same in your home. Its hard but sometimes its really better than our survior brains let us see.

Be well.

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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