John,

I'm sorry everything is going the way it is. It seems sometimes it is so hard to catch a break in this life.

Andy

Ok, back up, stop paying for college, get the daughter some help, leave your wife until you know you, and love your other two as much as possible..perhaps they, your kids, are acting that way because they feel that they don't know you, and you don't know them?
Until you are authentic and true to yourself, which will help clear a lot up, no one else knows who you are.
That being said..40k college and tantruming, it's called boundaries, establish some, wife yelling at you, leave you deserve more and believe it or not so does she. The other two, whatever and whoever you truly are needs to respond to them and tell them that it's a bit crazy right now, but Daddy loves them and nothing will ever change that.. If your therapist ain't workin, get another..grow some balls and get going, stop getting kicked...for gods sake, there is joy, happiness,love,excitement, passion, laughter all out there and what you have allowed yourself to become is not the person you are..GET GOING!! And any "other" way out, is an awful legacy for your kids, plus, ITS NOT THE ANSWER!!
I know, bend there dome that, and sometimes relapse....get going, get going get going

Wow, Andy. Just read "If I could meet myself..." I was really touched by it. How I wish it could be so. I felt so alone then, and feel so alone now. It was a powerful piece of writing. Thanks for sharing it.

Peace,

John

I hoped it helped in some way, John.

John,

My heart really went out to you when I just read this. My initial reactions match up to what Sailboat92 wrote to you. If your daughter is going to throw things at you with one hand and still extend the other for money I would cut her of. She can get a job, save money and then take a course here and there. This entitlement mentality is not going to do her any good in the long run of her life. You do not deserve to be treated this way and she is no longer a child. I advise holding her accountable for her behavior. If you feel she needs help then that is a good idea. It does not sound like she is ready for college.

Your wife's behavior is simply showing the kids it is acceptable to abuse others no matter who they happen to be. I do not know if she would be willing to go to marriage counseling in order for someone from the outside to show her this damaging behavior.

I know it is easy to feel guilty for setting boundaries with others - especially family members. But it is necessary to not only maintain but actually learn to live our lives more. You deserve solid boundaries like anyone else does.

I am so sorry for the pain your are in right now.


Daryl

John our families are co dependents to our recovery. I know as much as you feel pain you realize some in your home are acting out too.

If you observed this in one of your students at school what would you do? My hunch is some family based counseling would be suggested.

Keep at it. You know that you matter. You know they do as well.

Keith

John,

I appreciate your sharing more in-depth about your family situation. It sounds very complicated with many factors involved that have nothing to do with you. You do have much to consider with whatever you do. I hope your therapist becomes more helpful and can offer some suggestions or insight. In the meantime as you offer understanding to these family members I hope you remember that it is okay for you to keep your boundaries intact.

You certainly are in my thoughts.


Daryl