I never had a friend in my life that
involved me getting so close that was only
to third base ; but only when i was drunk!
I think my therapist is right when he said
to me " i think you just want to play around
". I didn't think so at the time.
I always depended on her, i don't know just
i guess i was so desperate for companionship
,but she may want more....i am unsure.
I have always opened up to her... It was not
till recently i told her that i want more
friendships both female AND male!
But the female part - i really want a woman,
to have fun and date.
I don't know if she wanted more. It wasn't
till last week she started calling me less.
And i would be polite and call her.
We got together a few times since. But i am
concerned ( only for me , however) that now
it is forever that she wants to distance
herself period. I am loved by her, but
i never got anywhere with a woman. She has
difficult( Y) opening emotional stuff.
We are not perfect , but she would always
put this out " We are perfect for each other
!"
I have her t.v. . i want to say i am sorry
, but why would i be sorry. She is wonderf
-ul, FREEDOM. If i want this , it has to
be like this. She can't have me. Anymore
i can have just anyone. I dont have a daddy
, my mom can be a BITCH! I got smacked alot!
Rejected , raged at, beaten. I never fit
anywhere! I feel like i dont have friends...
all i wanted was to be loved, accepted.
If she cant be ,,i guess things are the way
they are. I just wish i could say , dont
ever say goodbye, ill see you soon, i hope..
. i have her t.v. ... i have no money,,
i dont know what it is worth. And what if
she wants no contact from me? Thanks for
listening you guys! smile