Newest Members
BCtejas, JHNebraska, mike42069, JACKL, Personman
12491 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
kb8715 (114), rom2057 (57), terrapin (51)
Who's Online
3 registered (Tiger1982, wollensak, 1 invisible), 28 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12491 Members
74 Forums
64158 Topics
447708 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#366313 - 07/20/11 11:14 PM Not a casualty
hopeandtry Offline


Registered: 07/28/10
Posts: 476
Years ago I'd have called myself a casualty.
That's before I learned that I am ultimately responsible for my life.
I can't help what anyone did to you, nor what you did to me.
I can only help what I did to myself, you, and others.
So now I'm picking up the pieces.
I've said my apologies.
I've allowed myself to grieve...
but I'm walking on.
I am not the woman I was three years ago.
I have my moments when I crumble,
but I am stronger in the core of my being.
I will not be bitter.
I will not put you down.
But I also will not excuse your actions.
I know the reasons.
I feel the pang of sadness knowing your pain.
But it is time for me to fully take care of myself.
I tried.
Maybe I tried too hard sometimes.
I cannot fight the battle that is yours to fight.
It was my mistake to try.
I hope with all my heart that you find healing and happiness.
I hope that you find this place.
I am still proud of you in many ways and always will be.
I am not a casualty.



Edited by hope4him (07/20/11 11:18 PM)

Top
#366322 - 07/21/11 01:09 AM Re: Not a casualty [Re: hopeandtry]
CruxFidelis Offline


Registered: 06/16/10
Posts: 486
Loc: NJ
did you actually send this to him?

_________________________
“If a man wishes to be sure of the road he treads on, he must close his eyes and walk in the dark.”

- Saint John of the Cross

Top
#366323 - 07/21/11 01:14 AM Re: Not a casualty [Re: CruxFidelis]
hopeandtry Offline


Registered: 07/28/10
Posts: 476
No. I have no contact with him. Just helps to express myself at times even if I can't tell him for real.



Edited by hope4him (07/21/11 01:15 AM)

Top
#366328 - 07/21/11 08:13 AM Re: Not a casualty [Re: hopeandtry]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1736
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
I feel the pain, But mostly I hear a victory, and that is refreshing. In the midst of the pain there is healing, and you have come to realize that this was not your doing, but also that, it was not your undoing.
Moving on can be hard but not as hard as staying put in an abusive situation. I want to say well done but it is bitter sweet, but one thing I know is that you will now Heal well.

I hope you find peace and happiness

Martin

_________________________
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

Top
#366350 - 07/21/11 09:31 PM Re: Not a casualty [Re: whome]
hopeandtry Offline


Registered: 07/28/10
Posts: 476
Thanks, Martin.

It is true that it is bitter sweet. I know some times will be easy for me but some (like today) will be very difficult. I am now feeling the fallout from how I allowed myself to be treated and the degradation hurts. For that matter, I degraded myself...it isn't just in how I allowed HIM to treat me.

I will heal. It is going to take some time but I will make it through this.



Edited by hope4him (07/21/11 09:43 PM)

Top
#366408 - 07/22/11 03:39 PM Re: Not a casualty [Re: hopeandtry]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1736
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
H4H
Spot of advise. Before, if ever you get into another relationship, Make sure you have studied your Co dependance books to avoid a similar relationship.
You deserve to be loved and treated well.

Martin

_________________________
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

Top
#366464 - 07/23/11 11:55 PM Re: Not a casualty [Re: whome]
hopeandtry Offline


Registered: 07/28/10
Posts: 476
I am learning how vigilant I have to be in reminding myself that I cannot save him, cannot fight his fight, cannot let myself get caught up in his problems so that I forget myself. It's so hard because I hurt so badly for him. It is refreshing and empowering, though, when I stand up for myself and make sure my needs are met...whether that means walking away or whatever.


Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, peroperic2009 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.