I am 51 and married (happy) for 26 years with 4 children. My father died at 70 when I was 13. I do not remember ever being abused by him but have always "felt" that I was. I have had very vivid thoughts of him coming into my bed but cannot actually recollect it happening. I have had many of the issues mentioned elsewhere in these pages, SSA to elderly flacid men where I love to be "girly and submissive with them, but never followed through, crossdressing in private since I was a kid, huge sexual attraction to my mother (even now) again never acted on.
Is all this an indication that I might have been abused or am I making it up in my mind.
What you are describing could be the result of many different things--including sexual abuse of some sort. however, without move vivid memories it is unclear.
Whenever I have a client who wonders if they were sexually abused and have some sort of recollection as you do of something unusual happening, I don't see that it is helpful to try and force a memory to reveal itself. Too often you can make yourself believe just about anything. If you were sexually abused and your unconscious wants you to remember then you will without having to force it. If not, I would suggest going with what you do remember and considering that may have been enough to enter your arousal template.
There may or may not have been sexual abuse within your family. Even if there was remembering it or not doesn't necessarily influence the direction of therapy. If you are uncomfortable with these fantasies I recommend you talk to someone about them and sort them through.
Hope this helps.
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