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#367362 - 08/03/11 11:39 PM Re: A Man? [Re: whome]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6573
Loc: Never Sugar Mountain
I returned to the scene of the attempted recovery. I dealt with a lot of my alien status by sailing and being a true member of the forest. I spent tons of time and years in Maine trying to "be this" or BE that." Trying to be anything that was acceptable to others and also seeking acceptance from some type of humanity.

The quest for manhood is fkg rediculous for me. I hate any of it. I hate all of it. What I discovered in this return was traces of a disgustingly unfortunate 'thing.' And good Lord, they never accepted me back then one bit.

I took 1033 pics of the kids and I. I'll see what I'm allowed to show.

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#367843 - 08/10/11 12:26 PM Re: A Man? [Re: Still]
bbdslc Offline


Registered: 06/10/11
Posts: 1
I totally relate to this thread.

I have never been comfortable calling myself, or for that matter, thinking of myself, as a man.

I'm 53 years old, I've been married for 26 years, I have 5 children and one grandchild, yet I still don't consider myself "a man".

Amazing so many of us share that messed up perception.


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#367847 - 08/10/11 12:57 PM Re: A Man? [Re: bbdslc]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6573
Loc: Never Sugar Mountain
Originally Posted By: bbdslc
Amazing so many of us share that messed up perception.
Stick around bb, there's a lot more amazingly messed-up perceptions to discover.

Welcome to the site if you want to hang around.

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#367850 - 08/10/11 01:04 PM Re: A Man? [Re: Still]
TheBobcatAgain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/10
Posts: 507
Loc: AZ, U.S.A.
I have this same problem as well.

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#368572 - 08/21/11 07:51 AM Re: A Man? [Re: Still]
Aptrick Offline


Registered: 06/26/02
Posts: 65
Loc: Nashville,Tennessee
I relate so well. What is a "man"? How do i become one? I am not confused about not being a woman but it just feels like I am not a man either because of what has been done to me. I try to figure out how to make sense of it. It is not a sexual identity thing either. I just do not recognize myself as a 'normal" male human being....but i can not figure out what thaat makes me. I have trouble saying my own name as well, not for sure who i am suppose to be, I am the jr. to my Sr. abuser so i have never really figured out who i am...I don't want his name becuae i can't stand to be reminded of him. So I am not-a-man with no name (because he names me after him) and mirrors do not hold any appeal for me either. i have to willfully look in the mirror to check appearance and i still do not make eye contact because i do not want to see what's there.


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#368574 - 08/21/11 08:41 AM Re: A Man? [Re: Aptrick]
Darkheart Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 331
Loc: Illinois
It's taken all my almost 40 yrs to accept myself for who I am and what I am...I still struggle...

Am I a man? A whore? A faggot? I don't know yet. But, I do know one thing...I simply am...and for now, that is enough

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http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...8711#Post348711

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#368644 - 08/21/11 11:30 PM Re: A Man? [Re: Darkheart]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5945
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
A man... of mystery, not because I am dashing or cavalier, but because I am not who "I am".

Robbie, this is a fascinating topic, thank you.

I want to be this supportive, empathetic and direct person, but the impulsive child in me demands his 15 minutes, and that usually leads to awkward moments at the least, and jail time at the most. Now, he is a better with recovery, but he still "conversates" with his son for an hour and a half, while his 16 year old son rolls his eyes and his wife shakes her head.

So be it, I am better today than I was yesterday, and maturing a'pace.

Sam

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#368650 - 08/22/11 12:37 AM Re: A Man? [Re: Darkheart]
Sailboat92 Offline


Registered: 02/21/11
Posts: 79
Loc: Ct
Darheart,
you nailed my thoughts and feelings perfectly,....45 here, mrrd, 2 boys at age of abuse, and I don't now how I am to shape these amazing creatures to be the men of tomorrow, not done so bad yet, kinda do the opposite of my upbringing and it works:), but it's fucking hard raisin two boys to be men , when I never once felt like one myself....

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#368652 - 08/22/11 01:31 AM Re: A Man? [Re: Sailboat92]
Darkheart Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 331
Loc: Illinois
It is hard...I can't imagine raising sons...

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http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...8711#Post348711

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#368668 - 08/22/11 11:45 AM Re: A Man? [Re: Darkheart]
1lifenow Offline


Registered: 03/07/11
Posts: 411
Loc: west coast
Its funny, i find myself now in this recovery process moving along and yet i have to agree, i find the whole concept daunting. I know for the longest time, i never felt the same as "others", I did not get the instant car recognition gene. It was more like i was trying to play a role, but i was always the understudy.

Maybe I overcompensate by going to the gym and looking the part, trying to deepen and slow my vocal response when around guys. I nod at neighborood parties when the sexes segragate and the conversation turns to pursuits i dont give a sweet f for and think wtf am i doing here.

But for my boys, i want to consciously show them that being a man is about doing the right things as best you can. Following your own heart and being true to yourself - not an easy task when yourself has been hidden from you for so long. If I can accomplish that, it will have all been worth it.

Maybe I just don't care about how i compare to the "others" any more. Its a pursuit that is fruitless, I can only be me whatever that looks like. The cool thing is seeing the journey from the outside now and having let go of all that weight of expectation, I can finally look in the mirror. Something that was not possible my whole life and i just turned 51.

We have had to deal with so much that has made us all feel so separate, culled from the flock and readied for slaughter. But we dont have to go down that shute like i always thought was the inevitable path. There are ways out that take time to see, cuz we have those animal blinders put on us.

Mostly its just finally knowing we are not alone in how we feel, what we did to cope(usually not very well), the horrible things we participated in that robbed us of our souls but ultimately knowing we dont have to stay stuck. Finding a way out in spite of such insurmountable odds. Maybe thats what being a man is - Perservering in the face of something so monstrous, and overwhelming and still finding our humanity. Ironically maybe thats what we all are, not men, but ubermen.



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The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. Dalai Lama

WoR Barrie 2011

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