Sorry to LOL.. but as l pondered a smart reply, because l relate to the change in personality, l remembered last year at my older brothers home.
I said something pathetic and Ol Danny said, "What happened to the old Doug, the one who was always doing something and wanted to kick my ass all the time!"
l told him back something like o'kay l'll kick your butt if you think it'll make me feel better.
We had a good laugh then kinda quiet.
I think it was the massive depression and sorrow that dented my ego, esteem and self- image. I felt and looked awful. Wasting is the medical term and l had gone from 205lbs to 150's in three years. Doctors accused me of being on meth/crack, plus l was homeless. I moved over 34 times that second and third year, vacant homes and empty churches too.
This is the fourth year after disclosure and the gooder days outnumber the worser days. Still a lot of Nite Owl habits and PTSD events, but when l challenged the depression l began to sorta glow.
Friends noticed and so did casual daily contacts. l'm up to 184lbs and eating good. But like once a month l get loose and need adjustments. Seems like too much for anyone to see and off to the lockdown again.
Just two weeks ago l had a bad one.
So now what??? Does it ever end, l hope so and l am willing to do whatever to maintain happiness.
Decided to move to Orchid Land Hawaii on the Big Island. Fly out ofPortland Oregon tomorrow morning in the 19th.
Was there for three weeks a month ago. l met a crew of Veterans there and have a little jungle hut off grid.
If it's not fun, l'm done.
Doug>ASA Survivor (1x)
ECV 6001/MaTuCa Chapter 1849
E Clampus Vitus
"What Say the Brethren"
"Hang the Bastards"