My son had a MAJOR Trigger today and I am feeling like going postal. We were at our Community Pool and my son saw a man that looked like one of the perps that CSA'd him and my nephew. He stood like a deer in the headlights and urinated. He is better now and I am so lost.
I actually had some similar responses when I "remembered" the traumatic abuse when I was 12. We've talked about it before.
I was a respected teacher. When I remembered abuse it was so extremely vivid that it was like watching a movie you could feel and hear and smell. The details of what happened and what was said were very fresh, as a package that hasn't been opened for many years but then when it is opened it looks and sounds and feels just like it did many years before.
That was my mind set. I also felt like I was at the age of the abuse, 12.
But something in me picked out people in my environment who resembled the perpetrator of my abuse. There were 3 such people. There I was, an adult and a teacher. But that something in me was having these extremely strong responses to several people. I actually acted something like a boy in that when I saw those people I would break into tears.
I started seeing a good T. He told me that it was PTSD. Just knowing what was happening and talking to someone who understood helped me a lot. But then he helped me to become aware of how to get over that reaction.
What he said was that when I started having that PTSD reaction I should become aware that I was really NOT BACK THERE at all. That I was who I was and not then. I was in NOW. I had to do was have this little book-mark in my mind. I was not compelled to react that way.
When I realized what I had been through, I started seeing some movies which helped to bring my emotions and feelings under control, in addition to counseling. One of these was Ransom. In that movie the traumatized boy saw the "perp" and leaked onto the floor. That movie showed the boy tied onto a bed. All of that helped to "validate" my emotions and memories.
It was like he was transported back in time
yep' that's how it is. But it can be overcome.
And didi, do you need a little help carrying your heavy burdens?
Thank you for all you do.