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#366159 - 07/18/11 09:23 AM Re: don't know what to do anymore [Re: mickeyg1375]
kb4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/20/09
Posts: 43
Loc: Saskatchewan,Canada
John,

Ive been off MS for the pasy while and just now read the string of posts you made this past while. This is so huge..I know you well enough to know that this is an amazing step you are taking.
Like castle said...John comes first..Good luck..

Kris


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#366160 - 07/18/11 10:05 AM Re: don't know what to do anymore [Re: john22]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1736
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Hi John

Its a difficult one, and to me depends on your anonymity. If your CSA is only known to a few people, then I would approach the Police and ask them if I could testify in camera, or in closed court or whatever the term is there.
I am very open about my abuse, and personally don't care who knows. This is a choice I made to raise awareness in my country about CSA.
I do gain a certain amount of pleasure at the fact that my abusers don't get to much sleep in fear of me outing them at any time. It is a perverse pleasure I enjoy.
Most survivors prefer to keep it private, nothing wrong with that. My only fear is that, your testimony, might be the proverbial "Nail in the coffin" that stops this man from doing it to another boy. If I could get hold of a few of my abusers names I think I would out them.
I appreciate that this is a personal choice, and again only you can make that decision.

Thinking about it, isn't it ironic that we do finally have a choice as to whether we want to expose them or not. I don't remember having that luxury whilst I was a child being abused? Quite empowering don't you think

Heal well and God Speed
Martin

_________________________
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

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#366335 - 07/21/11 01:59 PM Re: don't know what to do anymore [Re: john22]
john22 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/16/06
Posts: 192
Loc: Europe-Belgium
Hi guys

An update to the situation I mentioned above:

I've got no respond to my mail to the sex-unit of the police, So that's negative. I'm not gonna ask them again, I gave up on that track.

Now I've asked the same question on a law firm. I guess the chances are bigger to get an answer from them. But I still think the perp isn't culpable for his actions then, due to the fact he was underaged at that time.

But I'm back at being frustrated again, the rollercoaster probably. But still,...

I can't believe they released that pedophile on a preliminary base, although under strict conditions. It just feels like all his known victims don't exist in the eyes of the law. And I get a bit of a murderous mind at this moment, just by thinking about it.

John


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#367076 - 07/31/11 05:21 PM Re: don't know what to do anymore [Re: john22]
john22 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/16/06
Posts: 192
Loc: Europe-Belgium
A new update

Tomorrow I'll know what my options are regarding this guy.As I have an appointment at the law firm. I'm still rather calm at the moment, I just hope I will keep my calm the whole day tomorrow too. Or at least till after that meeting. I have no idea what to expect of that meeting, but I guess I don't care, I just want an answer so I can move on, instead of being stuck in wondering about it all.

Wish me luck

Later guys and thx for listening.

John


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#367157 - 08/01/11 08:59 AM Re: don't know what to do anymore [Re: john22]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
You do not need luck.

You need guts and strength and you have plenty of them each.

Go do it.

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#376318 - 11/21/11 01:17 PM Re: don't know what to do anymore [Re: john22]
john22 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/16/06
Posts: 192
Loc: Europe-Belgium
A new update

I said in older posts here that I didn't got an answer on the mail I sent to the Police, that was wrong. I did get an answer, rather late, almost a month later, but still I got one. (The chief was on vacation and no-one else from the unit had answered it, so I just got an answer when he got back)

I don't know if I ever said what the result was from that appointment I had with that law firm, so in short, the lawyer said I should make a complaint against the perp. Even if I can't prove it, and even if no further steps would be taken because of lack of evidence. The fact I complained could be something extra when he is confronted with an other victim. Because for each complaint with evidence there are often a lot of others without the evidence. But it shows that the perp makes much more victims and that will mostly result in higher punishment.

And today I found the energy to finally take that crucial step and go to the police to file my complaint. It had lingered my mind for the last 4 months. I had to do it before my 28th birthday, otherwise he isn't culpable for what he did anymore due to the limitation. And because I'm gonna become 28 in +/- one month, I didn't had the luxery anymore to wait and prospone that hard step.

I'm rather content to have found the strength to do that today. Even when a new headache accompanies me since, I'm still happy I did it.

I will get back to you guys, when I know what they will do about it.

Till later and please accompany me on this trip.

John


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#376324 - 11/21/11 01:47 PM Re: don't know what to do anymore [Re: john22]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5947
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
Hello John,

Consider yourself accompanied, I would be proud to call you my travelling companion. The contentment is our goal, and you have made a leap in that direction. Enjoy the peace it brings, this good action of yours, and find others that will celebrate with you.

Congratulations,
Sam

_________________________
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#376370 - 11/21/11 06:55 PM Re: don't know what to do anymore [Re: SamV]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2452
Loc: TEXAS
Hi my fraternal brother, John.

Congratulations on your determination to stick with it.

Overcoming our fears and anxieties sure isn't an easy task for sure.

You are very courageous.

You are not alone on this journey and like Sam above says we are all proud to have you as a travelling companion on this journey to recovery.

Wishing you the best on your healing journey my brother, John.

"I will take that lost boys hand, and I will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity>" As he is me.

Pete..Irishmoose.

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#376371 - 11/21/11 07:12 PM Re: don't know what to do anymore [Re: petercorbett]
Drop Offline


Registered: 04/16/11
Posts: 121
im proud of you, great job!

_________________________
Broken eyed and shutdown
Running down the road
Send me straight to hell
Watch me burn, watch me burn

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#376500 - 11/22/11 04:57 PM Re: don't know what to do anymore [Re: Drop]
john22 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/16/06
Posts: 192
Loc: Europe-Belgium
Thx Sam, Pete and Lucas.

It's really appreciated to know I'm not alone in this thing. Because even when I did had the guts/strength to file the complaint, the stress related to that filing isn't completely gone. Now I'm questioning myself what the outcome will be. Even if I really think nothing can be proved and I try to ready myself to that news. At the same time I do hope they can prove it. So at one way I don't want anything coming out of this, but at other side I do want a "good" outcome. I just don't know what I want. It just made all of it more complicated then it already was to start with.

I have to think everything over again. I hate this new turmoil.


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