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#36484 - 01/23/03 04:20 PM Obsession with abusers
Archnut Offline
Member

Registered: 10/26/02
Posts: 343
Loc: United Kingdom
OBSESSION WITH ABUSERS

I am now a year and two months into my counselling and I seem to be making process as I was told a few weeks back that my obsession with my abusers was gradually falling into the background instead of being full in the face 24/7. Unfortunately due to the upsurge in celebrity arrests of suspected paedophiles here in the UK including The Who's Pete Townshend and a fair few others in the UK music industry who were actively involved in the abuse of adolescent boys during the early 1970's. Since Operation Arundel has come back into active investigation and a lot of my abusers are coming under the media spotlight by way of the national press. Because of this my head is set to fast forward and the abuse that was inflicted on me and one f/b leaps directly onto the next one. The positive attitude I did have appears to have deserted me. I am now indulging in obsessive bathing again and my bulimia has also returned (it makes me feel in control of my body) and my anger has returned with a vengeance. Especially being continually reminded of my main abuser who is actively involved in a PR campaign from his prison cell by way of his personal web site. Apparently his website is being updated from the USA so there is nothing the criminal justice system in this country can do as he does not have direct access to a computer he just rings his editorial through. I have to load his web site every night just out of pure obsession. Especially as he see us survivors of his sexual perversion as like those who flew those three aircraft into the WTC and the Pentagon. I have extremely trouble getting my head round that one .

If this makes any sense check out the postings in Foreign News with the subtitle of "nowhere to run" for the whole story that's going on over here.

And all that was left was hope ;\)

Archnut.


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#36485 - 01/23/03 05:10 PM Re: Obsession with abusers
Mark S Offline
Member

Registered: 08/25/02
Posts: 130
Loc: England
Archnut.

It must be so difficult, constantly being reminded of your abusers. My last trigger was when a South African family moved into the flat above mine. My abuser was South African and I was convinced they had been sent by him. It really set me back, but in time and with counselling I got back on track.

When you are feeling down and vulnerable it's so difficult to remeber that the abuse isn't still happening. Whilst it was painfull, it was in the past and in the scheme of life for a relatively short period of time. Your abusers can no longer hurt you. You are a different/stronger person to the one who was abused. You may not feel strong but having read your posts I believe you are.

I fully understand where you are coming from regarding the bulimia. It is something I have struggled with. When you are feeling so out of control and powerless it seems to be the one aspect of your life you can control.

As for trying to understand your abuser re "Especially as he see us survivors of his sexual perversion as like those who flew those three aircraft into the WTC and the Pentagon". It's not just you who has a problem getting their head round that. He is a sick, evil man who doesn't deserve your time thinking about him. He can no longer hurt you.

I will send you my email address via Private Message. Feel free to contact me.

My thoughts are with you, Be good to yourself.

Mark


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#36486 - 01/23/03 05:29 PM Re: Obsession with abusers
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
Hi Kirk,

Sorry to see that the crap is bothering you so much again. When I was in treatment I was asked to write down some things on a card that I could either read myself, or if in group, someone there would read it to me. They were brief, statements that help ground me: e.g.

I am _____years old, I am NOT a kid!

I am in_______,not in _______(where you were violated)

I am a strong adult.

I have great power, way more than _______ever had. I can crush______if I choose to.

I am completely safe here. This is my safe place.

I have friends who will see to it that I am never harmed again.

Maybe these would help you. They sure helped me.

Bob

_________________________
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

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#36487 - 01/23/03 08:15 PM Re: Obsession with abusers
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Kirk
I know it's a bad time, and Friday will be bad. But it will never be as bad as it was.

jk will hopefully stay where he is. I hope the Judge and the lawyers see the hate on his site and keep him behind bars.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#36488 - 01/25/03 03:23 PM Re: Obsession with abusers
michaelb Offline
Member

Registered: 04/21/01
Posts: 211
Loc: cincinnati, ohio
Sorry for the constant pain....i understand because us guys here in the US have been enduring it for quite awhile now with all the priests pedophilia cases...i know i had to just stop watching the nightly news, it was just too upsetting on a daily basis...

best of luck to you...if i can be of any help, please let me know....take care....michael


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