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#364038 - 06/12/11 02:17 PM A mother and a daughter to win a fathers love?!
cureav Offline


Registered: 08/10/10
Posts: 21
How to explain this dynamic?
Incestuous family? Yes! Definitively. But how to open their eyes?

I am the youngest in our house and there is so sick dynamics.
My mother and father do not speak each other. They are pretend that everything is OK.
My mother ones told me that my sister is seeing her like a competition.
Today, my sister said the same thing about my mother.
I am just standing here and watching what is happening.
Am I the same bustard as my father who is enjoying their fights and disagreements between each other, and while doing that they are watching him as a God?
Yes, he abused me when I was 9. My sister is still silenced about it even I have spoken about it in front of all of them.

Am I in the same situation of psychological complex (Oedipus) cause I cannot talk with my father?
Anyone ideas what to do with them?


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#364101 - 06/13/11 12:09 PM Re: A mother and a daughter to win a fathers love?! [Re: cureav]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Cureav

Ive been thinking about this for a while, What age are you? The answers will differ depending on your age and your abilities, what age is your sister, this would also make a difference.
Let us know these questions and we will all be able to give you a bit off guidance.

Stay strong brother
God Speed
Martin

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#364159 - 06/14/11 09:29 AM Re: A mother and a daughter to win a fathers love?! [Re: whome]
cureav Offline


Registered: 08/10/10
Posts: 21
I am 29, my sister 33. Both of us are single, no relationships.
Living with parents. They were recently retired, 2 years ago.
Whome... my abilities...?
For the last 2 years I am colecting all the stuff about CSA, exploring family dynamic. I have finished medical school, physiotherapist, my sister economy... we arent some jungle book kids...
I am just too angry about fathers MEGA role for a decades, shutting us down and making everything on his own.
His father, my grandfather, was an alcoholic and physical abuser. But now he is a mouse... and my father slowly becomes cause I am breaking his circles.

Hoping for some answer...



Edited by cureav (06/14/11 09:32 AM)

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#364178 - 06/14/11 01:08 PM Re: A mother and a daughter to win a fathers love?! [Re: cureav]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Cureav
This might sound like a cop out, but you need to understand that your father will not change himself but will let this develop in his mind like a cancer.
You however have a lot going for yourself. There is a website www.asca.com and this site has a 21 step program that you can print out and start working on. Your sister also needs to work on her own healing. Try and find a MS meeting around your neighborhood and go for therapy, preferably with a therapist that knows about MS or CSA, they don't all. You also need to talk to someone, this thing is hard and if left untreated it will fester.
Remember that above all THIS WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. you did not ask for it, did not want it, invite it, or provoke it in any way. You were a CHILD a small helpless child looking for love, normal love.
PM me if you want, but mostly ask questions of the wise on this site, there is a world of information here, and it all helps
Heal well
GOD SPEED
Martin

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#364196 - 06/14/11 06:12 PM Re: A mother and a daughter to win a fathers love?! [Re: whome]
cureav Offline


Registered: 08/10/10
Posts: 21
Thanks Whome for your words, this world of information helps a lot!
This site you have mentioned, asca, I guess it is not a dot com, cause it opens some fannat dot com site about cars, on Arab language... so I guess, as the Google Search said, it is asca dot org dot au, but I cannot find a 21 step program...
Ill try harder to find it. Hope it is free...
Thanks,
"Curing my past to secure my future"
Stay strong


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#364218 - 06/15/11 12:21 AM Re: A mother and a daughter to win a fathers love?! [Re: cureav]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Sorry It is a www.asca.org site My apologies. There is a lot of helpful info there. Try find a group though this will help you a lot.
You can PM me if you like

God Speed
Martin

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#364640 - 06/20/11 12:52 PM Re: A mother and a daughter to win a fathers love?! [Re: whome]
cureav Offline


Registered: 08/10/10
Posts: 21
Finally I have found it; that 21 step program;
its www.ascasupport.org page, article named "Survivor to Thriver".
Just in case someone else needed.


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#364653 - 06/20/11 05:12 PM Re: A mother and a daughter to win a fathers love?! [Re: cureav]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Sorry Man didn't mean to send you on a wild goose chase. I pray it works for you
Heal well
Martin

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