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#364464 - 06/18/11 01:24 PM I sometimes feel as though my sexuality was affect
robertpattinson Offline


Registered: 06/18/11
Posts: 15
I usually like just girls. I have experimented with guys. I liked it but I could never let the touch me or see them undressed. It totally makes me lose a little control. I know I'm bisexual. But it's like I can't even really acknowledge it because of what happened. I was wondering like not that it changed what sexuality I am just what my reaction to it is?



Edited by robertpattinson (06/18/11 03:05 PM)
_________________________
the shame of what's happened is unimagineable. Pretending it never happened just seems to make it worst.

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#364470 - 06/18/11 04:16 PM Re: I sometimes feel as though my sexuality was affect [Re: robertpattinson]
h.beat,h.break Offline


Registered: 06/05/09
Posts: 124
Loc: New York
Sexuality is tricky and very wide too. I can't really understand what you are trying to ask, but sexuality is a tough subject for survivors and answers don't come right away.

Your reaction to men and women may stem from the act of the abuse. I struggled with my own sexuality for a long time before finding out that I'm gay. Therapy helped a bit for me but my own feelings eventually led me to my conclusion. Hope this helps you.

_________________________
Hey, if "black sheep" means you're the only non-douche of the family, take that with some pride.

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#364581 - 06/19/11 06:23 PM Re: I sometimes feel as though my sexuality was affect [Re: h.beat,h.break]
robertpattinson Offline


Registered: 06/18/11
Posts: 15
I was just wondering thlike I am so unsure around the same sex that it makes me wonder if I am actually gay but I totally block it. It seems.

_________________________
the shame of what's happened is unimagineable. Pretending it never happened just seems to make it worst.

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#364607 - 06/19/11 10:34 PM Re: I sometimes feel as though my sexuality was affect [Re: robertpattinson]
jevin Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/30/10
Posts: 44
Loc: somewhere on the Red Road
Even without the effects of CSA clouding the picture, it can take a long time to figure out your sexual orientation. I was almost 21, and still a virgin, when I finally accepted my sexuality. If I hadn't had a supportive, loving community around me it probably would have taken me a lot longer.

Be patient. Give yourself time to sort through what's reactive and what's real in you. Lean into trusted friends who won't judge you. Answers probably won't come quickly, but they will come.

Peace.

- Jev

_________________________
"Whatever is rejected from the self appears in the world as an event."
- Carl Jung

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#364616 - 06/20/11 05:24 AM Re: I sometimes feel as though my sexuality was affect [Re: jevin]
robertpattinson Offline


Registered: 06/18/11
Posts: 15
btw I have a gf of 2 years and have a family... But I sometimes wonder if none of it had happened land I'd have grown up normal. If I'd have the family I have. I wouldn't give it up for anything. I just guess have always been curious. Belut it's always been shut down. Maybe there's no real need to know idk.

_________________________
the shame of what's happened is unimagineable. Pretending it never happened just seems to make it worst.

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#364636 - 06/20/11 11:42 AM Re: I sometimes feel as though my sexuality was affect [Re: robertpattinson]
cris40ky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/20/11
Posts: 188
Loc: KY, US
You've asked the questions, don't discount them. I was married for 7yrs and loved my wife and family. As part of accepting the abuse, I had to accept my sexuality as well. Afterwards, I felt more whole and that I had better understanding of myself.

I'm not saying you're gay, or bi, or anything but human. Love yourself. Accept the questions for now as part of the journey.


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