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#363972 - 06/10/11 11:46 PM Re: My Lost Kids *****TRIGGER WARNING******* [Re: hopeandtry]
Keeptrying Offline


Registered: 04/07/11
Posts: 50
I've thought about your posts for days before replying to them. Just don't seem to be able to find the words to comfort you nor reasons to ration with you so that you wouldn't feel this bad. What hope4him said is true: children can be manipulated for some period of time, but they always seem to find the truth about who loves them and who just uses them. The pop culture convinces us that everyone needs to have a happy family and anything short of that is a flaw, even a shame. But life is both resilient and fragile. We could endure many years of tortures but also could lose our loved ones in a blink of eye. Some lucky people have it all. But you and I, and our children have to live the imperfect, through struggles and pain, but somehow find it to have made us special.

The evil in CSA is that the crime doesn't just take one victim at a time. It takes a toll of chain reactions around that victim, affecting many people in his lie. I couldn't condemn more enough on such evil, especially when it's coming after my own kids. I have no choice but to do everything that is within my control to protect them. Once we made the decision to become a parent, we have no choice but to do our best under any circumstance. I'd be depressed and do nothing before having children. Now no matter how stressed I am, I tried to find ways to make me feel better so that I could get them through the day.

Try to find a good Chinese traditional doctor specialized in acupuncture to treat anxiety and depression. I'd recommend to all of you who have anxiety and depression issues. Acupuncture is very effective than pre>

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#364031 - 06/12/11 10:27 AM Re: My Lost Kids *****TRIGGER WARNING******* [Re: hopeandtry]
Rusty563 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/11
Posts: 200
Loc: Anywhere, USA
Robbie,

I have to agree with H4H. As long as you continue to show love and respect to your children and never bad-mouth your ex-wife in their presence, then one day they will see the truth and turn on her for treating their father so cruely.

It may take years for this to happen but one day it will. Just like H4H said "don't play the game" you could force them to choose sides and lose.

When you have them with you it has to be a wonderful time when you do because you speak so highly of them, so when you have them, make the best of it. Set aside all of your issues and make the time you have all about them. I'm not suggesting spoiling them with anything they want or planning a stream of constant "fun" activities. Then you become nothing more than the stereo typical weekend dad that tries to win over their love. Just find ways to show them that they are the most important people in your life. Use your imagination. We all know you have one. smile

We love you Robbie and want you to have a relationship with your children that will grow stronger as the years go by. Give them proof that you're a man worth loving and respecting and they'll come to see the truth despite what they're being told by your ex. You're going to have to persevere and fight the good fight.

Rusty

_________________________
There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you - Maya Angelous
Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed - Martin Luther King
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5qF_qbaWt3Q
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDOkMSf-F14

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#364119 - 06/13/11 08:09 PM Re: My Lost Kids *****TRIGGER WARNING******* [Re: Rusty563]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6400
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
Thank you Rusty. I wish you could have been the judge in the case. I'm so burnt-out by it all.

_________________________
Wishing You Were Here!

The Aftermath Video

The Water Buffalo Song

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#364129 - 06/13/11 10:21 PM *Trigger warning to ROBBIE* [Re: Still]
Disappointed Offline


Registered: 08/11/09
Posts: 540
Loc: U.S.A.
Dear Robbie,

Your thoughts in this thread are ironic. Understandable, but ironic. I've spent countless hours, countless hours, reading posts of the men here. A recurring theme by survivors is the despair and repeated regrets that their parents, their mothers, their fathers, did not care for them, did not notice them, or neglected them, or abused them, or abandoned them. In some cases, actually tried to kill them.

You yourself recounted the truth that even though you had been beaten by a parent, you wanted that parent to give you attention, and you didn't get it. That you lost interest in baseball because a parent couldn't be bothered to spend time with you in a single activity: watching a baseball game.

You craved love and affection even from a parent you KNEW was cruel, and who did not deserve the time of day from YOU. Do you really think your children are any less human than you or any of the men here? Do you really think your children, when they are older, will be unaffected by pain and regret if you aren't a loving and attentive parent to them now?

You know your parents behavior towards you has hurt you for your entire life. Your children may seem thankless now, but you know from your own experience - as do the other men here - that how a parent treats you when you are a child, stays with you for your entire life, and affects your own feelings of self-worth - rightly or wrongly.

You have really been dealt a raw hand several times over. But if you love your children, you will not declare the relationship "dead" and forget what you learned in the hardest ways imaginable. Relationships with parents - no matter how outrageous the parent - are never dead.

I know I dish out tough love. But your kids deserve it.

The other posters are right: don't lower yourself to the level of your ex-wife by criticizing her. As the kids get older, and your innate nature of being loving and safe is repeatedly demonstrated to them by your actions, they will realize their mother unfairly maligned you, and their view of you will improve. The evidence of their own eyes will eventually win out.

Be strong for your children. You know they need you now, more than ever. Think about baseball tickets.
D.

_________________________
Female.

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#364138 - 06/14/11 12:41 AM Re: *Trigger warning to ROBBIE* [Re: Disappointed]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6400
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
Originally Posted By: Disappointed
Think about baseball tickets.


Why does that still hurt like hell? I mean really hurts like hell.

He and I never got to a single Red Sox game. I was giddy when I was able to buy the tickets myself and announce it to him that we were finally going to a game. I always thought that the rather wealthy man just did not want to spend that money...so I made it into a non-issue. He then had no interest in those tickets I bought.

Shit! Its a wonder I didn't turn into a drug-taking, hyper-promiscuous, sex-toy-boy! Oh wait.......


I may not have learned a heck of a lot from him about how to raise children, but I sure learned a lot about how NOT to raise them.

_________________________
Wishing You Were Here!

The Aftermath Video

The Water Buffalo Song

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#364170 - 06/14/11 10:53 AM Re: *Trigger warning to ROBBIE* [Re: Still]
Disappointed Offline


Registered: 08/11/09
Posts: 540
Loc: U.S.A.
Exactly my point, Robbie my man.

Exactly my point.

Oh, FYI, you might find this article VERY interesting. And she's NOT talking about survivors. Remember that.... Specially the last paragraph.... But don't skip to the end!

http://www.wnd.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=310961

Safe and loving hugs,
D.

_________________________
Female.

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#364184 - 06/14/11 02:26 PM Re: *Trigger warning to ROBBIE* [Re: Disappointed]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6400
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
Originally Posted By: Disappointed
Oh, FYI, you might find this article VERY interesting. And she's NOT talking about survivors. Remember that.... Specially the last paragraph.... But don't skip to the end!



That was a very hard article to read. Its 110% true. I was a victim of abuse of the divorce laws and everyone in any proximity to the case knows it. I'm too discouraged to even talk about it.

_________________________
Wishing You Were Here!

The Aftermath Video

The Water Buffalo Song

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