I was abused, as best I can guess, from the ages of 5-10 by my mother, and strangers in housing programs we lived in.

Since the age of 13 I began having sexual thoughts regarding "playing out" what had been done to me. I acted out as a child between the ages of 13-16, and came to realize what was happening was wrong.

I am still plagued daily by inappropriate thoughts. I know what was done to me has caused this, but to me that doesn't matter. I used drugs for 17years to medicate this issue and in stopping the (illegal) drugs, I find myself stuck with the thoughts and nothing to do about them.

I have talked to several people about these thoughts, but nobody really understands. I need people who have gone through this and come out healthier on the other side, to contact me and offer support.

I have never acted out with these thoughts as an adult.

Hi StillScared,

I reach out my hand's to you. If i can help I would be glad to do so.My name is Jean-Pierre and I am more french speacking, but I get along in english. Its my wrigting that well not good.

Take care and wen or if you hare ok just give me a sign.

Are your experiences similar?

Hello Still Scared,

my experiences are similar. I was sexually abused by my older brother between 7-8 years old and then between 10- 16 years old. I only recently (almost 4 years ago) really started identifying everything for what it was. Also, I started experiencing very painful emotions (depression, anxiety, very very low self-esteem...etc.

I started acting out the last year of my high school years. I recognize my sexual experiences from that time on as variations of the same abuse that my brother did to me. I have been affected as much psychologically as emotionally (very critical of myself, self destructive by having put myself in emotionally and mentally harmful situations...the list goes on). I have been going through psychotherapy now since February and I have made positive changes as well as being empowered to manage my emotions and thoughts more effectively, rather than acting out in destructive ways as if to "feed the beast", if you know what I mean. I am happy to help in any way that I can as you try to map out the best way for you.

Feel free to PM me whenever. I am glad to see that you are looking for answers and help, because they are there despite how difficult it may be to attain them.

Take care,
Q

U r NOT alone in this,'still scared-

I actually did act out the same things done to me and it made things mug worse-it only made me feel more lost and broken and rejected.

If you search the forums on MS you will find your struggle is not unusual. The answer lies in facing what happened and reclaiming the real you .

How did you manage to get off drugs? I kicked the alcohol thing early on as it was killing me and sendIng me nowhere. The search for acting out sex bcame just as compulsive and escapist and destructive, so I don't recommend that-but if you have made a breakthrough with facing your drug habit, you can walk through the other consequences of the abuse.

sorry you left i wanted to share this with you

http://www.amazon.ca/gp/product/images/0...520&s=books

its a book about healing from this for those not in therapy like you

i have found help, the other guy is Stanton Peele, check out his website, its a good start

i know how you feel bro, its taken me a long time to understand the hell i was in for so many years

take care