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#363751 - 06/07/11 05:54 AM Dating
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1555
Loc: New Jersey
Ok over the past month or so I've been thinking about dating someone. If you read my posts you know that I've never been out on a date before. I'm going to be 33 on Friday and i feel like I'm missing something. My big thing is I seem to equate sex with friendship and maybe that's what I'm looking for. I've tried to approach one of my coworkers but she ended up being married with a kid, so that turned out to be a dead end. Im now thinking about asking one of my close friends. Unfortunately for me I don't really have any real romantic ambitions it's just friendship and sex and maybe that's what it's all about how do I know Ive never been in a relationship. Maybe its just that way and if it clicks it becomes serious.

There are some pros and cons to this relationship.

Pro
1. We are already friends and I knows what she thinks of me
2. She knows about the abuse and that I'm having some issues
3. Shes safer because she already knows me
4. She is a warm kind caring person

Cons
1. She is overweight (though she was in the process of loosing weight when I saw her last. Though I am overweight too)
2. She lives fairly far it would take me a good hour and a half to get to her
3. Im not sure I'm doing this for the right reason (I think I am doing this for the whole girlfriend thing and the possibility of sex)

Ok, thoughts??

Jason

I don't know I'm

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#363783 - 06/07/11 11:52 AM Re: Dating [Re: onlyakid]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1626
Loc: Minnesota
I was terrified Of dating in my twenties-fear of intimacy and feeling sexual around someone I liked And knew kept me isolated in this department.

Only when I forced myself to date did things change. Taking it literally one date at a time and risking rejection and being honest if I liked them enough to ask them out was difficult, but I made progress and found someone I loved being with and eventually wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

I think you are taking too high of a gamble with your choice to date this person so far away. Maybe not-it's only a movie or dinner or even lunch for crying out loud! I suggest you make a goal of three different dating partners this summer-just invite them to a movie, bro!

We learn by doing.

_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#363829 - 06/08/11 01:30 AM Re: Dating [Re: Mountainous Buck]
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1555
Loc: New Jersey
Here's the deal Ive isolated myself for so long I don't have any friends that I hang out with on a regular basis so I don't know alot of people, I work in a hospital 90% of the women are married 5% are old enough to be my mother and 3% are way way out of my league. so the choices are limited even if I include the people I wouldnt be attracted to in the least

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#363831 - 06/08/11 01:51 AM Re: Dating [Re: onlyakid]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1736
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Only a kid
Don't focus on so much, you'll overload your brain. SMALL steps. phone the girl you spoke about, try a date, a movie, a dinner. treat here like a queen, and see what the experience brings.
Don't set yourself up for failure, all you are doing is going on a date, no expectations, no sex, no long term out come.
Then next time ask one of those out of your league ladies at work to go to dinner with you, Talk to them treat them like queens, pull out the chair, open the car door, order them a special treat, and don't expect anything. just show them what a gentleman you are.
What you are doing is building your own confidence and your own self esteem. If you feel you are overweight, work on that, work on your humor, and work on your listening skills, ask these girls about them selves, don't judge just listen.
Slowly take things one step at a time and build your own self esteem.
Remember that people cant see the fact that you were abused in your eyes, so you don't have to hide from the world, but instead the world should say watch out here comes only a kid!!!
Dont put so much pressure on your self, you are young, a survivor, HAVE FUN.

GOD SPEED
Martin

_________________________
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

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#363966 - 06/10/11 08:02 PM Re: Dating [Re: whome]
Letourski Offline


Registered: 03/15/08
Posts: 302
Loc: Canada
Hello onlyakid,

I am going to echo what Martin said. Ask one of these women on a date. The very action of asking can be very rewarding and can build confidence. Have some fun and let your true self shine through. You deserve meaningful interactions with people. Set your expectations to zero and give yourself to the moment. You will learn as much about yourself as you will the woman you are with. Heal well brother.

Cheers,

Daniel

_________________________
I am the warrior.

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#363983 - 06/11/11 07:25 AM Re: Dating [Re: Letourski]
looking2heal Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/15/10
Posts: 100
Loc: pa
i agree with everyone else, but what id like to add is this....you say that a % of them are out of your league....why? some of those women are single because guys think that way.....nobody goes up to them because they dont feel they qualify so noone asks them out and they like us are single....maybe some of them will turn you down but what if by asking just one of them says yes?.....just a thought

_________________________
taking the steps to healing inside

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