I wanted to write a post about a recent disclosure I did with a new MD, I went to see.
Some may know, others donít, that I got very sick about 5 years ago and had to have surgery on my colon...SO I was supposed to go for a Colonoscopy, to make sure everything is allright, and for a while have put it off....Not a really fun experience to be scoped from both ends, as I need an endoscope too.
My surgoen, whom was super dooper, is in the city, and I had a good ref from a trusted Dr to this new guy in our area.
To go back a little in time, I have since working in recovery , decieded I will disclose to most, if not all MDs I go to see. It started with my dentist...I am a bad dental patient, and we joke about it...I happen to really like my dentist, and we have built a nice comfortable relationship over the past couple years. A year ago or so, I had a dental appointment right after a T session and I was talking in a strange post T kinda way, about life, the universe ect...they were looking at me a bit funny LOL....But I had mentioned that I was considering getting a very special tattoo, and that when I got it I would show him. He was interested in the type and style and was interesting to me....So I confront, I get my tatau, I have a dental emergency, and he sees me as the last patient of the day... I showed him the tatau and disclosed to him the true meaning behind it, he was very moved, and said all the right things to me....It was a tough yet wonderful moment.
The next Dr. I disclosed too was my new Urologist..again it went very well..he was very understanding, and felt for me, offered a book to read ect....another great experience as far as disclosures went.
I disclosed to a new Internist, and while I still donít see her, she was very nice when I disclosed and was also a good experience.
So...I typically like to get Dr. reccomendations, from people who know them, and my new endo came from the dentist, who is also a patient...Right from the beginnning I decided I was going to disclose to this Dr...My wife, who will fill out paperwork for me, put down some of the meds I was on, that I normally leave off the paperwork, but this time I was like fine whatever...So I get to the office, I know were gonna talk about scoping me ect, and I make it into the exam room, with a very short wait....So I start to give him my history, and he gets to the part about the meds and asks why Iím on them...and I said simply..I have a minor case of PTSD, that resulted from CSA. (I was talking about me so I used CSA instead of SA) We continued talking for a few, finished my history, and he said he would ablidge me request for dual scope..LOL...it was a bit humerous
However here is the really important thing...He said as close to perfect words as he could after this disclosure....at the end he told me he was so happy that I was working on an issue that has been in the closet for so long, and taking the steps to make it better for myself, and that he would take care of me....To me these were perfect words, and I could see in his face he ment it...and I believe he will do everything to make the proceedure (which im not really worried about) go smoothly with me being comfortable.
I know I hurt myself for years by avoiding some Drs, that I def should have gone to see...I know that my physical well being was put to the side because of fear shame ect...I rememebr saying years ago to myself, Iíll regret not going to see some of these Drs earlier, and I do.
What I have found, is that the Drs that I have gone to see, and disclosed too have always been wonderful care givers whom really get it and understand what it takes to disclose...I have found some of the most understanding from people who see so much, might not have time because of insurance issues, that force them onto another patient....But there is hope out there...Take the chance with a DR...the more you disclose the easier it gets, and its necessary to talk about theses things to heal....I canít say you will get the same treatment, words, that I have...but every DR. I have disclosed too, have shown me great compation and understanding. take the chance, and allow yourself to heal...Donít put off self care because of bad messages your hearing inside...youíll regret it later and you might endure more pain than you really have too...they care and understand...give em a chance.
Taking my toys, and heading home.