Newest Members
lilac, The Wife Of, smusab, whiteflag, North101
12287 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
adam319 (46), Bellemaman (36), Bob G. (58), S D Witwicky (38)
Who's Online
2 registered (Shyshark, 1 invisible), 23 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12287 Members
73 Forums
63226 Topics
442125 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >
Topic Options
#363485 - 06/02/11 06:50 PM Rectal bleeding *may Trigger*
Logan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/05/03
Posts: 1205
Loc: NY
SO I had been put this off for a while now and finally it was time for my yearly Physical with my Physician/Internal Medicine Specialist. In The UK they call this type of Doctor a GP, I think.

Anyway, I thought this was my only chance to face this and bring this up with him (my Doctor).

Now I have never mentioned any of my trauma history with him before. There was no medical reason to. I have told a dentist once before that "I was molested as a kid" and that is why I fear going to the dentist. But, this Time I knew that I would have to go into more detail and let him know that I was Raped (I hate using that word cause it makes me think of women for some reason), or Penetrated and on a lot more than one occasion and I was terrified that that was the cause of my symptom of bleeding from my rear and pain in the region after having a BM.
I have had 2 friends that had such bad scaring and damage from their childhood experiences, that they have both had have surgery, one to remove part of his colon because it had necrotized/died and become cancerous and the other to have surgery to correct the shape of his rectum because of extensive trauma to that region of his body.
Just the thought that this problem of mine could be related to my past made me feel further damage, this time physically damaged by by the abuse and again a lot more shame.

That day, last Friday when I had my appointment, I had to fast for 12 hours starting the night before, for the normal blood tests and therefore couldn't take any PRN's/anti-anxiety medications.

So I went to see him and began to tell him some of my history. I first told him of my symptoms, and that when I went to wipe, there was almost always blood on the tissue.
I said that I was sexually abused when I was 12-14 yr old and that I had bled for about the first 25 times, some times so badly that i would wear my sisters tampon pads in my underwear, so that the blood would not soak through to the outside of my pants at school. I told him of my fears that this is being caused now by some injury from that time period.
When I was telling him this in his office, I was looking down a lot and teary eyed but I did not break down and cry. I also suggested that it maybe hemorrhoids that is causing it because I found out that my biological father suffered from them and had to have surgery to remove them. I was secretly praying it was hemorrhoids causing this, because by comparison, the past Abuse being the cause seemed so much worse in my mind to me.
He said that he would examine me to make sure that everything was alright with me. I don't remember exactly what I said but his response was a gentle reassurance that he does digital rectal examinations all the time and that he would not think of me wile preforming the examination but rather just another examination and this comforted me some.
When it was time for the rectal examination, instead of lying on my side, he told me to kneel on the table with my bum in the air and my chest pressed flat against the bench. I had been abused in that position so my heart rated soared as I did that, but to my amazement, I did not disassociate, like I expected to.


So he checked me out and told me that he felt some scar tissue, but not enough to be causing these symptoms. He said that he saw some dry skin where I told him I had had pain during BM's and he told me that it was a medication making me constipated and wrote me a pre>
_________________________
"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption
WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009
"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"
-Blade Runner

Top
#363491 - 06/02/11 08:36 PM Re: Rectal bleeding *may Trigger* [Re: Logan]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6376
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
You did well dude! You are brave! I still cannot even handle the dentist. The anual prostate exam has been refused for the past 3 years as well. Aparrently, my objections are worse than I thought and they insist that they DON'T do the exam without putting me under...and that won't happen either.

You are brave!

_________________________
Jesus Loves The Hell Outta Me!

Still's Globs

New Video

Top
#363505 - 06/02/11 10:28 PM Re: Rectal bleeding *may Trigger* [Re: Still]
TJ jeff Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3362
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
am glad that you told the doc and got this problem taken care of (somewhere's back in this forum I have a thread talking about my trip to the doc for the same problem) - I know it's a great relief to know that it was not caused by the abuse

I congradulate you for the bravery it takes to walk through the fear and take care of your body

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

Top
#363515 - 06/02/11 11:30 PM Re: Rectal bleeding *may Trigger* [Re: Logan]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6818
Loc: USA
Logan

Good going!

Sounds like you also have a good doc!

Allen


Top
#363626 - 06/05/11 12:12 AM Re: Rectal bleeding *may Trigger* [Re: pufferfish]
Shadow+Walker Offline


Registered: 04/16/09
Posts: 287
Loc: desolate foggy nights, USA
WhoHOOO-whoHooooo!!

Great job taking caring of yourself - glad to hear all is well!!

You are very brave and we are proud of you, Logan.
Peace,
Shadow+Walker

_________________________
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, love and self discipline. (St Paul, 2Timothy 1:7) NIV

Check out a cool song by a hot band..."Unbreakable" by Fireflight: official video at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWRJAHaOrYg

Top
#363686 - 06/06/11 11:50 AM Re: Rectal bleeding *may Trigger* [Re: Shadow+Walker]
ShOHIO Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/24/10
Posts: 45
Loc: Central Ohio
Logan,

Good for you!! Brought tears to my eyes to know how much fear you were in and then to know that you made it through it and that you felt so good the rest of the day!!

Our journeys are hard but each step we grow strong!

Way to go and thank you for sharing your story to help others!

You are a hero!

Scot
aka:shohio

_________________________
WOR ALUMNI
Hope Spring 2011

GROW MY BROTHERS AND STAY STRONG,FOR YOU ARE YOUR STRENGTH!

Top
#363721 - 06/06/11 10:52 PM Re: Rectal bleeding *may Trigger* [Re: ShOHIO]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2433
Loc: TEXAS
Howdy, to my fraternal brother.

Logan, I congratulate you on going through those medical exams. I know just how difficult it is to walk through a doctors office door, let alone let him do things to you.

I just went through 2 procedures, an upper GI scope & the colonoscopy. Little Pete & I were also proud of ourselves. It was a giant step for both you & me.

So, again my congratulations, on facing your fears. Heal well, my fraternal brother, Logan, heal well.

"I Will take that lost boys hand, and I will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity." As he is me.

Pete..Irishmoose.



Edited by petercorbett (06/06/11 10:53 PM)
_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


Top
#365302 - 07/02/11 06:08 AM Re: Rectal bleeding *may Trigger* [Re: Logan]
mike13 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/11
Posts: 419
Loc: California USA
Way to go Logan!
I have been having some minor tailpipe issues since my gangbang at 13. I am afraid of my first colonoscopy, next year is the big 50. I hope I am as brave as you are Mike


Top
#365310 - 07/02/11 10:24 AM Re: Rectal bleeding *may Trigger* [Re: mike13]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Hi Logan,

I'm a little late to this thread as I must have missed it when you first posted it, but wanted to tell you Hurray! for what you did for yourself. I think taking care of ourselves like this is a monumental step forward in recovery as it attaches worth and value to how we see ourselves. I'm glad everything came out good with the diagnosis and that the abuse wasn't the cause of the symptoms, too. I went to have a colonoscopy done back in December because of bleeding issues and was afraid it was a result of the abuse in some way or possibly cancer. I was heavily sedated during the procedure but still awake, so when it began I started yelling (can't remember what!) and freaking out so they immediately put me all the way under. But everything came out ok, and glad that I had it done.

Thanks for sharing your victory with us here! Good going!

_________________________
Eddie

Top
#370551 - 09/20/11 05:45 AM Re: Rectal bleeding *may Trigger* [Re: Logan]
ANDREW63 Offline


Registered: 08/27/11
Posts: 164
Loc: Australia
Hi Logan, i realise that it over 7 months since your original posting, i had to see my GP today to get the results of my MRI that i had last week , everything is ok with the MRI results my DR asked how i am coping with my depression plus was there anything else to needed to discuss i explained that i have been having problems with bleeding with bowel movements ,he said he would do an examination ,i was about to explain my concerns with this problem and my CSA but couldn't i am still having some problems discussing my past (i know there shouldn't be any concerns discussing this with a GP) ,my DR explained the examination prior to doing it ,he told me that i have 4 hemmaroids that are bleeding ,he pescribed a suppository and said if things don't clear up i will need surgery to fix things,cheers Andrew.

_________________________
LOOK AT ME NOW I AM A SURVIVOR !My inner child and I are now doing this together !

Top
#376497 - 11/22/11 04:21 PM Re: Rectal bleeding *may Trigger* [Re: ANDREW63]
JaapVisser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 57
Loc: The Netherlands
I didn't see this post before or maybe didn't want to see it. I am crying like a madmen now, but thank you so so much for posting this.

I am suffering bleeding and pain there every time I go to the toilet for so long now and I am so freaking scared to go the doctor, but your post gives me hope, so much hope and inspiration to make this step.

Thank you for being so brave and sharing it.

_________________________
Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent.

Top
#376761 - 11/25/11 09:08 AM Re: Rectal bleeding *may Trigger* [Re: JaapVisser]
mike13 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/11
Posts: 419
Loc: California USA
Good Luck on the Doctor


Top
#379315 - 12/13/11 05:13 PM Re: Rectal bleeding *may Trigger* [Re: ANDREW63]
Incognito Offline


Registered: 04/17/11
Posts: 105
Congratulations! You broke a huge barrier. Be very proud of yourself.

_________________________
"If you're willing to carry the weight, feel the strain, push past the pain, and give more of yourself than others expect of you, the world is yours." - Dave Tate

Top
#383548 - 01/26/12 03:38 PM Re: Rectal bleeding *may Trigger* [Re: ANDREW63]
Daniel_forgotten Offline


Registered: 02/07/09
Posts: 479
congrats logan. I know this is an old post but still, i wanna tell you i feel proud of you too laugh

i had a similar problem. in my case it was because of abuse. like your friend, a portion of it had to be removed. but i dissociated for weeks. i was admitted in the psychiatric ward after the surgery.

you are brave dude.


Top
#383557 - 01/26/12 04:25 PM Re: Rectal bleeding *may Trigger* [Re: Daniel_forgotten]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6818
Loc: USA
Probably a lot of survivor guys have this kind of problem. Usually bleeding is from hemorrhoids which can swell and exude a little blood.

http://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/hemorrhoids-topic-overview

Most survivors have IBS (Irritable bowel syndrome) which means that the colon gets irritated by a combination of emotional stress and irritating foods.

The conditions of IBS and hemorrhoids are often related.

Part of the answer is to start making a list of which foods you have eaten and cause the irritation. Often they will be spicy foods with a lot of hot pepper sauce. Caffein will also increase the problem.

http://www.webmd.com/ibs/default.htm

sometimes the physical trauma of being abused anally will cause actual physical damage to the rectum. If the wall of the rectum is torn or broken, it usually must be corrected surgically. It won't heal by itself if it is torn all the way through. If the wall is damaged but not torn then it can cause pain and bowel dysfunction for years.

Puffer


Top
#393565 - 04/15/12 06:16 PM Re: Rectal bleeding *may Trigger* [Re: Logan]
Logan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/05/03
Posts: 1205
Loc: NY
I just want to say THANK YOU ALL SO VERY MUCH!!!!!

By re-reading the posts and threads they help me when I am feeling extremely NOT-Brave, and scared, with panic attacks occurring daily and nightmares at night.

I have been going through my own mini hell as of lately and it helps so, so, so much to read that just a short yr ago, I was this brave and all of you guys supported me!

Thanks again for your all of your reply's.

I am teary-eyed because of it.

Lots of love to all of you,

Logan
_________________________
"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption
WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009
"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"
-Blade Runner

Top
#393580 - 04/15/12 10:36 PM Re: Rectal bleeding *may Trigger* [Re: Logan]
Geeders Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 1901
Loc: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
Nice to see you again Logan. I've been absent on and off for a long time myself due to a variety of issues. See you in November maybe?

Jim
_________________________
My name is Jim
WoR Mysthaven 2008, Level 2 WoR Alta 2009, Kirkridge 2010, 2011, Oprah 200 men

Top
#393670 - 04/16/12 06:59 PM Re: Rectal bleeding *may Trigger* [Re: Logan]
Logan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/05/03
Posts: 1205
Loc: NY
Yes, Jim, I really hope that I can make it and be there.

It would be nice to see you again.

I hope that your issues are not that serious and no matter what that you are moving in a good direction and feeling good!

PM me if you wanna talk further,
Logan
_________________________
"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption
WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009
"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"
-Blade Runner

Top
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >


Moderator:  ModTeam 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.