SO I had been put this off for a while now and finally it was time for my yearly Physical with my Physician/Internal Medicine Specialist. In The UK they call this type of Doctor a GP, I think.

Anyway, I thought this was my only chance to face this and bring this up with him (my Doctor).

Now I have never mentioned any of my trauma history with him before. There was no medical reason to. I have told a dentist once before that "I was molested as a kid" and that is why I fear going to the dentist. But, this Time I knew that I would have to go into more detail and let him know that I was Raped (I hate using that word cause it makes me think of women for some reason), or Penetrated and on a lot more than one occasion and I was terrified that that was the cause of my symptom of bleeding from my rear and pain in the region after having a BM.
I have had 2 friends that had such bad scaring and damage from their childhood experiences, that they have both had have surgery, one to remove part of his colon because it had necrotized/died and become cancerous and the other to have surgery to correct the shape of his rectum because of extensive trauma to that region of his body.
Just the thought that this problem of mine could be related to my past made me feel further damage, this time physically damaged by by the abuse and again a lot more shame.

That day, last Friday when I had my appointment, I had to fast for 12 hours starting the night before, for the normal blood tests and therefore couldn't take any PRN's/anti-anxiety medications.

So I went to see him and began to tell him some of my history. I first told him of my symptoms, and that when I went to wipe, there was almost always blood on the tissue.
I said that I was sexually abused when I was 12-14 yr old and that I had bled for about the first 25 times, some times so badly that i would wear my sisters tampon pads in my underwear, so that the blood would not soak through to the outside of my pants at school. I told him of my fears that this is being caused now by some injury from that time period.
When I was telling him this in his office, I was looking down a lot and teary eyed but I did not break down and cry. I also suggested that it maybe hemorrhoids that is causing it because I found out that my biological father suffered from them and had to have surgery to remove them. I was secretly praying it was hemorrhoids causing this, because by comparison, the past Abuse being the cause seemed so much worse in my mind to me.
He said that he would examine me to make sure that everything was alright with me. I don't remember exactly what I said but his response was a gentle reassurance that he does digital rectal examinations all the time and that he would not think of me wile preforming the examination but rather just another examination and this comforted me some.
When it was time for the rectal examination, instead of lying on my side, he told me to kneel on the table with my bum in the air and my chest pressed flat against the bench. I had been abused in that position so my heart rated soared as I did that, but to my amazement, I did not disassociate, like I expected to.


So he checked me out and told me that he felt some scar tissue, but not enough to be causing these symptoms. He said that he saw some dry skin where I told him I had had pain during BM's and he told me that it was a medication making me constipated and wrote me a pre>

You did well dude! You are brave! I still cannot even handle the dentist. The anual prostate exam has been refused for the past 3 years as well. Aparrently, my objections are worse than I thought and they insist that they DON'T do the exam without putting me under...and that won't happen either.

You are brave!

am glad that you told the doc and got this problem taken care of (somewhere's back in this forum I have a thread talking about my trip to the doc for the same problem) - I know it's a great relief to know that it was not caused by the abuse

I congradulate you for the bravery it takes to walk through the fear and take care of your body

Logan

Good going!

Sounds like you also have a good doc!

Allen

WhoHOOO-whoHooooo!!

Great job taking caring of yourself - glad to hear all is well!!

You are very brave and we are proud of you, Logan.
Peace,
Shadow+Walker

Logan,

Good for you!! Brought tears to my eyes to know how much fear you were in and then to know that you made it through it and that you felt so good the rest of the day!!

Our journeys are hard but each step we grow strong!

Way to go and thank you for sharing your story to help others!

You are a hero!

Scot
aka:shohio

Howdy, to my fraternal brother.

Logan, I congratulate you on going through those medical exams. I know just how difficult it is to walk through a doctors office door, let alone let him do things to you.

I just went through 2 procedures, an upper GI scope & the colonoscopy. Little Pete & I were also proud of ourselves. It was a giant step for both you & me.

So, again my congratulations, on facing your fears. Heal well, my fraternal brother, Logan, heal well.

"I Will take that lost boys hand, and I will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity." As he is me.

Pete..Irishmoose.

Way to go Logan!
I have been having some minor tailpipe issues since my gangbang at 13. I am afraid of my first colonoscopy, next year is the big 50. I hope I am as brave as you are Mike

Hi Logan,

I'm a little late to this thread as I must have missed it when you first posted it, but wanted to tell you Hurray! for what you did for yourself. I think taking care of ourselves like this is a monumental step forward in recovery as it attaches worth and value to how we see ourselves. I'm glad everything came out good with the diagnosis and that the abuse wasn't the cause of the symptoms, too. I went to have a colonoscopy done back in December because of bleeding issues and was afraid it was a result of the abuse in some way or possibly cancer. I was heavily sedated during the procedure but still awake, so when it began I started yelling (can't remember what!) and freaking out so they immediately put me all the way under. But everything came out ok, and glad that I had it done.

Thanks for sharing your victory with us here! Good going!

Hi Logan, i realise that it over 7 months since your original posting, i had to see my GP today to get the results of my MRI that i had last week , everything is ok with the MRI results my DR asked how i am coping with my depression plus was there anything else to needed to discuss i explained that i have been having problems with bleeding with bowel movements ,he said he would do an examination ,i was about to explain my concerns with this problem and my CSA but couldn't i am still having some problems discussing my past (i know there shouldn't be any concerns discussing this with a GP) ,my DR explained the examination prior to doing it ,he told me that i have 4 hemmaroids that are bleeding ,he pescribed a suppository and said if things don't clear up i will need surgery to fix things,cheers Andrew.