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#36346 - 01/21/03 08:58 PM Dentists
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
I hate dentists... I hate have dental work done... did I mention that I hate dentists and dental work? A lot of this stems back to my abuse and some of those things I have identified and some of them I think remain hidden.

I do have a good dentist that I started seeing in Nov because I have neglected dental work for so many years. After several visits of getting fillings done, I still have two more to go. Of course I got to have a root canal through all of this which they have to do the mold and put the crown on... Can't ya tell I'm excited.

But every time I get out of the dentist, I am either full of a lot of anger and rage or feel very depressed. And that is after taking Xanax. Don't know what I would be like if I tried to go to the dentist without the Xanax... but I do know that I've passed out many times before trying to get into a dentist office.

I just really want this dental work to be done and over with but I've got another 4 visits yet.. If I wasn't scared of losing my damn job and being laid off, I would spread this out. However as long as I've got insurance, I want to get this stuff done.

Oh the joys of life... ah right now, I say screw life... of course I will most likely feel better by morning,,, but right now, I'm just in a pissy mood.

Don

_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

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#36347 - 01/21/03 10:03 PM Re: Dentists
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5776
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
Don:
My guess is that some of the abuse you experienced was oral in nature. It's real common for survivors to have reactions to any intrusions around areas that were penetrated or touched abusively way back.

We've (MS board) talked about putting together a booklet for physicians and dentists about being more sensitive to survivors' issues around examination and touch. One of the suggestions we've heard a number of times is to talk with the dentist or physician about your abuse. Not in total detail, but something that says, "I had some bad experiences involving my mouth when I was a child. I get very uptight whenever someone puts anything in my mouth (anus, touches me in the genital area, etc.). I would really appreciate it if you can be sensitive about that and give me a sense of control over the situation."

The solution may be to get him to stop when you raise your hand or some other signal. That can give you a sense of having some control over a procedure. They learn to do that in dental school regarding pain management. Unfortunately, they don't know about doing that for abuse survivors.

Having a discussion with the dentist or physician about giving you a sense of control can go a long way in cutting off that sense of being at the mercy of the more powerful person. If the dentist or physician won't do it, find another who will. You are the consumer.

Any other ideas?
Ken


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#36348 - 01/21/03 11:16 PM Re: Dentists
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
Ken,
Thanks for the insight and response. Actually going to a dentist is easier than it was a few years ago but it isn't easy at all for me.

I think on my first visit the dentist asked me what my fear came from and I told him that I had some very rough things in my childhood that have created it. I didn't know him and so I didn't go any further. I will say he has been very good and gentle and patient with me. He has a very good chair-side manner about him which is helping.

Part of the reason all of this is taking so long is that I can only handle so much in a visit. He does realize this and so he only goes so far and then stops. We do have a method worked out that if at any time I need him to stop, I just raise my hand. He does continually remind to breathe through my nose and keep breathing and relaxing as these things I need to be reminded of.

I'm not sure if it will ever get any better than this. Hopefully but I just can't predict that. The thing that really bothers me now is the "anger" that I experience after a visit. It is pretty intense anger and I can't quite pinpoint where it comes from. Hopefully I can work with my therapist through some of this which may be some of the anxiety that I have.

I do know that Yoga and my massage classes as well as getting actual massages are helping me to relax more. I find it more easy now to focus on my breathing and let my breathing help relax me than I once could. Still not great in this area but it has definately improved.

Don

_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

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#36349 - 01/22/03 12:15 AM Re: Dentists
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Quote:
Sorry for the double post. I tried to edit a word out and wound up with two. Anybody tell me how to do an edit?

Thanks,
Ken
Ken, left click the paper & pencil icon on the upper right of the post. This will take you to a copy of your post that you can edit by simply deleting or adding or changing whatever words you want. Then click the "make changes" (or something like that) button below the edit-copy, and your post should come back up, edited. I hope. \:\)

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#36350 - 01/22/03 07:58 PM Re: Dentists
blacken Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/13/01
Posts: 1207
Loc: Northern Ohio
MrDon,
I HATE going to Dentists too. I have not been to one in Five years.
There are two clear reason for this...
1) SA
2) A couple of terrible dentist encounters.
The only Fricken thing going in my mouth besides food is my own toothbrush!
Blacken

_________________________
Everyone is a genius! If you were to judge a fish, by its ability to climb a tree,
it would think it was stupid all of it's life.
~Albert Einstein

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#36351 - 01/23/03 01:03 AM Re: Dentists
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
Blacken,
I know what you mean and in fact sometimes putting a toothbrush in my mouth is a big enough trigger in itself... that's about as hard for me as going to the dentist....

Don

_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

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#36352 - 01/23/03 06:52 PM Re: Dentists
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Men, I'm unable to talk about this much except to say I relate to it, I've even posted about it, over in the Member forums, but it's just now really starting to hit me hard.

**********MAY TRIGGER, ORAL SEXUAL ABUSE*********
I don't know what happened, have no particular memories, but I do know that I've always had a bad gag reflex, dryness, trouble breathing, even a kind of panic, whenever a dentist puts something in my mouth, tho mostly only when it starts going down the throat. Now I think I may know why but I don't want to think about it...

I don't need anymore bad memories; then again, maybe I do, if I'm gonna deal with them & how they affect me...

Ouch!

I also know that I have always liked & had a strong desire for *ral s*x, which is almost always in my sexual fantasies & acting out, usually as a dominant factor.

Gotta stop...

*********TRIGGER WARNING ENDED******************

No wonder I keep putting off calling to reschedule my tooth cleaning...

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#36353 - 01/24/03 12:43 AM Re: Dentists
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
Victor
Hey you should have seen me a few years ago... I had to have a friend help me walk in the door of the dentist office after being on Xanax...

I still struggle with it and slowly I am reclaiming more of it....

But it didn't happen over night... and it didn't happen all at once.

It took time

Don

_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

Top
#36354 - 01/24/03 01:33 AM Re: Dentists
Les_Angry Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/06/02
Posts: 195
I was so paranoid about being put under by the dentist in high school, I had a root canal and had my wisdom teeth taken out while I was awake. They both refused to do there work without it, but I insisted and got my way, I had to argue with the root canal guy for like a half an hour I remember listening to Howard Stern on the radio, and he was talking about how his mother made him get dental work with out anesthetic at all . I remember thinking when I had those procedures done, that local doesn't really work much at all.


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#36355 - 01/24/03 02:06 AM Re: Dentists
Chey-Wy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 241
Loc: Cheyenne, WY
Don,

I am very fortunate to have a very good and understanding dentist. I went to school with his "significant other" so that made it a lot easier to go the first time I went to see him.

My problem is that because of the S A I grind my teeth. I have worn them down by half. Mark (my dentist) asked me what was going on and I finally told him the truth about the S A. Actually, he was very cool about it. Since that time I have told most of my doctors. I just tell them if I start to freak ... to bear with me. They all have been very understanding. I did have to see a Ear, nose, and throat specialist the other day. He was using his stethascope and started to unbutton my shirt. I freaked, but I quickly caugh myself. I told him that I was s survivor of S A and he said ... Oh sorry. I can listen without you unbuttoning your shirt.

I realize that i for many of us it is hard to tell a complete stranger about the S A .... but I am finding it easier and easier to tell a new medical professional about the S A. I find that the earlier I tell them the easier it is for my treatment.

Also, today I had to see my regulat physician. He knows about the S A. I told him that I have not had a complete physical since my S A and that I don't know what I will do when he has to do one. Also, I am 46 years old. I get a regular PSA. They always come back "normal" but I know I should go in and have the " recomended followup" done. I just know that I am going to freak when I have to have it done. I was almost in tears today just telling my doctor that I know I should have it done. I know no one likes the " rubber golve" exam .... but for me it has specail meaning. It was how my Perp "tricked" me into removing my clothing. He was a PhD. and convinced me that since he was a Dr. ( Ph.D gives you that Priviledge) that is was O K for him to "examine" me.

I like what The Dean said about the possibility of publishing a handbook for us to give to our doctors. Not only would it help with the awarkwardness of telling your doctor .... but possiblily it could give the doctor some questions to ask to help them to treat us and make us more comfortable.

Good luck with your remaining treatments

John

_________________________
From the Song MOUNTAINS by Lonestar.

Yeah, the good Lord gave us mountains,
So we could learn how to climb

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