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#363389 - 06/01/11 06:15 AM Re: Selling sex [Re: exhale]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Jesper you are doing it now by coming here and letting people help you. That shows you want help and want to heal.

Keep doing that. Keep talking to Anthony39. That's a very good start.

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#363435 - 06/02/11 12:27 AM Re: Selling sex [Re: exhale]
1lifenow Offline


Registered: 03/07/11
Posts: 393
Loc: west coast
Its tough to understand why we do and say things sometimes. It just sort of seems to happen without us really being able to comprehend why. I think sometimes like a kid going down a familiar trail , we take a road we know because it is the way we have been before. We think there may be other paths, we just don't know where they are or if they are real. You know you have to stop, you already know there are other ways to get home. Your not a lost kid anymore.

Like Tony said, there are people here that can share your feelings of shame and guilt and truly know your anguish. They'll be the light to help you to a safe path with unblinking compassion.

I too can relate to what is happening to you, i did things that afterwards made me winge deep inside, and you wonder how it was possible you got to that place. You know you won't let it happen anymore but somehow there you are again on the floor.

The fact you are aware of it says your brain is ready for a change too. So give yourself some latitude, its not going to be clear or obvious to begin with, but just take a step - just one.

_________________________
The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. Dalai Lama

WoR Barrie 2011

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#363490 - 06/02/11 08:30 PM Re: Selling sex [Re: exhale]
Jim1961 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/10/09
Posts: 1121
Loc: Pa, but likely traveling...
Originally Posted By: exhale
I know it's self destructive. I don't know why i do it. I know i have to stop. But i don't know how.


Been there, done that....Still do it on occasion...

The way out is not by "stopping it", but by replacing it with something better. Perhaps start by looking in the mirror every morning and saying "I am a worthwhile person worthy of love and respect" Say it even if you don't believe it. Just say it!

And then each day choose to do just ONE thing that is good for yourself. Like, get ice cream. Or take a hot bath. Something that you enjoy, and when you are doing it, feel how good it feels and think "I deserve this".

Just a few thoughts. Take care, and know that many have walked the path before you. You are in a good place here.

Jim

_________________________
Loneliness is a power that we possess to give or take away forever. -Yes, Starship Trooper

My Story

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#363516 - 06/03/11 12:46 AM Re: Selling sex [Re: Jim1961]
Shadow+Walker Offline


Registered: 04/16/09
Posts: 287
Loc: desolate foggy nights, USA
Exhale,
I am so sorry that you have been hurt so badly. Please know we really care about you and that we wish you to be kind to yourself.

Would you hurt the little boy down the street? I really dont think so; in fact I suspect that you would fight to protect him. There's a little boy in you that needs you to protect him and be nice to him. Together let's love and protect that boy that lives on your inside. He's asking you, "Will you be my friend?"

Peace,
Shadow+Walker

_________________________
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, love and self discipline. (St Paul, 2Timothy 1:7) NIV

Check out a cool song by a hot band..."Unbreakable" by Fireflight: official video at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWRJAHaOrYg

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#364659 - 06/20/11 06:29 PM - [Re: Shadow+Walker]
exhale Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/12/10
Posts: 101
-


Edited by exhale (01/13/13 11:24 PM)

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#364660 - 06/20/11 06:57 PM Re: Selling sex [Re: exhale]
philistine Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/27/09
Posts: 209
Loc: Oregon
Jesper,

This is my opinion.
What you are looking for at this stage is harm reduction.

"Harm reduction is a set of practical strategies that reduce negative consequences of drug use, incorporating a spectrum of strategies from safer use, to managed use to abstinence. Harm reduction strategies meet drug users "where they're at," addressing conditions of use along with the use itself."

http://www.harmreduction.org/section.php?id=62

This is usually associated with drug use but has been helpful for harmful acting out, for me. This is not the site I got the information from, I talked with my therapist abut it and worked on basic strategies for me.

Personally, I would call it a re-sensitization, as opposed to desensitization. It is all about acknowledging the facts and dealing with them one step at a time.

You are worth the time it takes to make sure that you are not contributing to harm of yourself.

Treat yourself gently, like you were your best friend.

My thoughts are with you

_________________________
Mike

"No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself" - Nietzsche

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#368266 - 08/16/11 07:56 PM Re: Selling sex [Re: philistine]
CheerfulJohn Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/22/10
Posts: 140
Loc: England (at the moment)
Dear Exhale,

As you know I was also a "whore" and have been trying to deal with that all year.


I just wanted to add my voice to this selling sex topic topic.

Be very well
cj




_________________________
Wolves will live with lambs. Leopards will lie down with goats. Calves, young lions, and year-old lambs will be together, and little children will lead them.

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#368273 - 08/16/11 09:48 PM Re: Selling sex [Re: CheerfulJohn]
Logan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/05/03
Posts: 1205
Loc: NY
This is very hard for me to admit but I am a survivor of CSA that ALSO went down that path for a long time.

I guess I just wanted to feel "Loved" and wanted, even if it was only for 15-20 minutes. I learned later that it is too big a price to pay and one can feel truly loved without having to have sex with someone first.
I didn't know that when I was a teenager.

I did not even learn that until I was in my mid 20's And, I would always feel severely Ashamed after I did that. Every single time!

Exhale, you don't have to do this to feel loved. Trust me brother, you don't.

Like CJ, I wanted to add my "voice" to this topic that many, many of us here at MS have been though and "walked down that path."

Sincerely,
Logan

_________________________
"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption
WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009
"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"
-Blade Runner

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#368310 - 08/17/11 03:03 AM Re: Selling sex [Re: exhale]
overcomer4life Offline


Registered: 02/25/09
Posts: 198
My advice is to tell yourself every day that you DESERVE to be loved. You DESERVE to be respected. You DESERVE to smile. Let these things be your guide to finding a healthier, happier you. Trust me, you really do deserve more than to be somebody's convenience. I allowed myself to be that to somebody until I realized that I deserved so much better.

Hope it gets better, man...we're here if you need us!


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#368352 - 08/17/11 07:26 PM - [Re: overcomer4life]
exhale Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/12/10
Posts: 101
-


Edited by exhale (01/13/13 11:26 PM)

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