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#363192 - 05/28/11 02:48 PM How Do You Teach Kids about Grooming?
Keeptrying Offline


Registered: 04/07/11
Posts: 50
I've viewed a lot of posts here and realized a lot of the CSAs started with grooming. My mother-in-law has done that successfully with my 4yo twin boys. She's ready to take them to the next stage who knows what, given that she has likely CSAed my husband and his brother when they were young boys. My brother-in-law is virtually her surrogate husband even her own H is living with them.

But how can I teach my kids about the devastating consequences of grooming and what comes after? All they can understand is that grandma let them eat all the cookies and candies they want while I restrict those unhealthy sugary at home instead giving them healthy snacks (they do get cookies and candies at home, but on limited occasions and amount). And grandma never disciplines them for anything they do wrong. When she took off their pants and let them play and nap bare bottomed in her bed, how much fun it was for them. Then she began to wash their bottoms every time they visited her because they were itchy down there as she said. And they actually believed it was true that their bottoms were only itchy on Sunday afternoon at the same time in her house (for all the other time they never complained any itchy including one time that I went with them there). And they believed she was caring for them as she told. If she does more touching them and they touching her, she will make them believe it's just fun. And if she tells them not to tell mommy because mommy will be upset, I think they'll follow.

All the past two years that we were away from this wicked woman, my sons and I have a very trusting relationship. They tell me everything even though they know that I'd be upset if they did something wrong. They got a time out, but after that I always assure them that I love them, and they're great boys. Everyone makes mistakes. The time-out is for them to learn from the mistakes. Now she's using grooming to break that trust. How can I teach my kids that their grandma uses sweets to groom them in order to harm them? How can any kids resist such seductions?

I bought all the books (age appropriate) that I could find to teach children about inappropriate sexual aggressions (seductions) against them - My Body is Private, Those are My Private Parts, etc. But yet to find any age appropriate video cartoons on this subject. If anyone could recommend those video cartoons to me, I'd really appreciate it. Young children can relate to motion pictures better than words.


Keeptrying


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#363197 - 05/28/11 04:27 PM Re: How Do You Teach Kids about Grooming? [Re: Keeptrying]
SpideySense Offline


Registered: 05/24/11
Posts: 25
Loc: USA
If I truly suspected this was happening....I wouldn't leave the kids with her. You are their protector and this is NOT something one can UNDO.

IMO....Prevention is key!!!

The more I think about it....You don't teach a 4yo about grooming!!!!
They lack the concepts of such things!!! They have not mentally developed enough yet!!!
THEY ARE INEPT AT THIS AGE TO DISCERN SUCH THINGS

THAT IS YOUR JOB!!!!!



Edited by SpideySense (05/28/11 04:33 PM)
_________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fMvWo6KxKeQ

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#363198 - 05/28/11 05:13 PM Re: How Do You Teach Kids about Grooming? [Re: SpideySense]
Keeptrying Offline


Registered: 04/07/11
Posts: 50
Hi, Spidey,

If you had a chance to read my previous posts, you'd know that I've tried everything possible, with the help from many friends here, to protect them. The brutal reality is that I had to have a surgery which went terribly wrong and I ended up in the hospital for three days. My mother-in-law came to my house and was with my sons even I was strongly against it. My husband let her even I told him that I don't want her around my kids without my presence. The kids told me very little about the three days they were with her, and I'm taking them to play therapies now to find out more. I have no other family members here who can watch them if something like that happens to me. That's why I'm posting this question here to find some help. Or let me rephrase my question:

If you were CSAed through grooming, what do you wish your parents had taught you about what to do in that situation?

Keeptrying


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#363199 - 05/28/11 05:29 PM Re: How Do You Teach Kids about Grooming? [Re: Keeptrying]
SpideySense Offline


Registered: 05/24/11
Posts: 25
Loc: USA
I'm sorry I did not read your previous post before I posted!!!!

I do feel that a 4yo has little concept of what grooming means...other than maybe through a parody of some sort, maybe little red ridinghood. You know, things are not always what they seem.
That is a terible situation!!! :o\

Again, I apologize!

_________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fMvWo6KxKeQ

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#363441 - 06/02/11 07:03 AM Re: How Do You Teach Kids about Grooming? [Re: Keeptrying]
une.vie.d.espoir Offline


Registered: 12/06/10
Posts: 106
Loc: Quebec-Canada
Maybe I am going to be hard on my comment. Hope you can be able to deal whit it. What I understand is there is a lot of feelings going on whit you, your mother in law and your twin sons. I think first you have to deal whit your one feelings.

What also I read about you, you hare also talking about POWER, here we all as men being victims of sexuel abuse strogling.

You need and have to take all the POWER you have to protect your son's. Yes you have to protect them that is for sure of what ever danger or hurt they can have.

It must be hard for you to try to "buy peace" but it is not possible. I also see you relly care for your sons. Take care, I will pray for you and your son's.

Jean-Pierre


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#363442 - 06/02/11 07:14 AM Re: How Do You Teach Kids about Grooming? [Re: une.vie.d.espoir]
didi Offline


Registered: 07/12/08
Posts: 165
Loc: USA
Hi Keep Trying,

Knowledge is power and you need to soak it up like a sponge. There is no "politically correct" when it comes to protecting your children. I walk right into a mens room if the ladies room is full. I really do not care and the men in there "get it" when Mom is hanging by the door constantly talking with my child.

Have you tried any of these sites for more information?

http://www.yellodyno.com/

http://www.thesafeside.com/?gclid=CNrXxMuLl6kCFYLc4AodYTVFtQ

Didi

_________________________
Raising children who have been loaned to us for a brief moment outranks every other responsibility!

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#363488 - 06/02/11 07:32 PM Re: How Do You Teach Kids about Grooming? [Re: didi]
Keeptrying Offline


Registered: 04/07/11
Posts: 50
Dear Didi,

You're really resourceful and with such a big heart always to help. I have tried absolutely everything that I could think of and advised of from many friends here - children's play therapy, legal consultations, spy devices (I think a kid's spy watch works the best, but can't find any after having searched the net for days. Plenty of spy watches for adults, but none for kids), and talking to them about unacceptable sexual behaviors as best as I could to keep my sons from her. But NONE of the professionals or authorities could help me with anything. They only told me that what my mother-in-law did with her two sons and two grandsons should be a huge concern for me. But UNTIL they're further sexually abused by her, there's nothing they could do. What has tortured me the most is that my husband, the father whom my sons love so much, has tried everything he could (threatening to take me to court for divorce which I'm not afraid of but also threatening me about putting my sons to testify which I think it's too much for them to handle both their abuses as well as tearing their family apart at such a young age) to let his mother gets what she wanted. I think what she did with her own sons is to control them so that they can serve her instead of having their own lives. She is trying to use the same method to get my sons controlled by her through sexual ways as well.

I'm buying Yello Dyno DVD to give it a try. That's exactly the kind of educational material that I'm looking for. Thank you SO much, Didi.

KT


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