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#363081 - 05/27/11 06:53 AM my mom
sidestep Offline


Registered: 05/12/11
Posts: 34
Iíll try to make this as short as possible. Bottom line is my mother has been verbally abusive all my life, and still is today. In a way it was a lot like my sexual abuse when I was younger. Anyway, she always seems to call me when she wants to fight with someone, and like a dumb ass I always let her do it. Iíve talk to my t about it and he tells me to NEVER talk to her again. He says mothers donít talk to there kids that way and you are not a kid, you are a grown man. I have the power to change that, and a lot of people in your situation divorce there family and find a new one, one that will respect you.
After thinking about it, I donít talk to my kids that way nor would I ever! And I wouldnít let my wife talk to my kids that way, I would leave her and take the kids so she couldnít ever do that again.
With that said, my mom continues to call and do this to me. So the other night I finally told her she is not to talk to me like that. Iím 44 years old and if she canít respect me as an adult then you donít need to call me and take out your frustrations on me.

I want say what she says to me, ether it hurts to bad, or Iím just ashamed! But after I sad that - she told my to stop acting like a little boy. And to grow up. As if I wonít let her verbally abuse me, Iím somehow being childish! With all the work Iíve been doing on me for my csa that really seemed to hurt!

My wife gets upset every time my mom calls because she has herd with her own ears what she says to me and canít believe I let her say things like that to me. If anyone else said those things I would woop there ass.

But despite alls the shit my mom puts me through, and its a lot, every now and then she will say I LOVE YOU! and as crazy as it sounds I think thatís why I let her do this to me. This might be one of the times she will say that she loves me.

Know that I told her she canít talk to me like that anymore she said she will never call me again. There is a part of me that felt great to stand up to her. To know she will never do that to me again. It felt just as good when my sexual abuse ended. To know I was not going to let it happen again.

So why does it hurt so bad deep down inside!!

All I ever wanted from her is to here her say I LOVE YOU! and now I know, for the abuse to end, thatís the way its going to have to be!!

I Fell crazy inside, and it hurts like hell! I just donít understand. WHY!!


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#363111 - 05/27/11 12:20 PM Re: my mom [Re: sidestep]
risingagain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/10
Posts: 597
Loc: Vancouver, BC, Canada
Don't blame yourself. Every child depends on their parents for love, affection, shelter, and protection. Of course you're gonna be attached. But from the sounds of it your mom is not treating you with common respect and courtesy. I'm happy you are doing what you need to do to love and protect yourself. I know it hurts, as I'm there myself.


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#363114 - 05/27/11 12:38 PM Re: my mom [Re: risingagain]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Hey Sidestep
Got the same Problem and it is really tough. all Ive done is cut myself off from her and I rely on the love of my wife and kid. They don't judge me or what Ive been through and in order to recover Ive found it important not to take her crap. My moms 80 and Ive realized she ain't gonna change. So better for me to not listen to her crap. I wish she would once say I love you, but she doesnt, never a well done or a proud of you. Hey I have better love around me now.
GOD SPEED
Martin

_________________________
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

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#363136 - 05/27/11 07:21 PM Re: my mom [Re: whome]
Letourski Offline


Registered: 03/15/08
Posts: 302
Loc: Canada
Hey Sidestep,

It has been said before but it's worth repeating. We all want the love and affection of our parents. You are not crazy for wanting that of your mom. It was their job to protect us and keep us safe.

I am glad you are taking the necessary steps to protect yourself from the hurtful words of your mom. It might hurt like hell now, but you deserve to be loved for who you are. I think it's absolutely normal to want that from our parents. Even to the point where we might allow ourselves to be stepped on just to catch a glimpse of what we so badly need.

Thanks for your honest post. You are not alone in this.

Cheers,

Letourski

_________________________
I am the warrior.

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#363158 - 05/27/11 11:23 PM Re: my mom [Re: Letourski]
sidestep Offline


Registered: 05/12/11
Posts: 34
Thank You All for your support. you make me feel better knowing i have your support in a personal matter that defies that natural way i feel and want to feel but i know logically its like poison to my soul. i know many of you have had to make this decision and its one i wish we would never have to make. but i know its one that has to be made in order for me to move forward. as my t says' its long over due, and its time to heal!

Thanks for listening and being there when it really counts!!!


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