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#36303 - 06/24/02 07:58 PM It's been a while
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
( This topic was started on 23 June by Ed' but his full name appeared and he asked me to take it off. The easy way was to remove the post and for me to replace it. Here's Ed's post.
Lloydy )

I made my way back here to assure you all that I am cured.
I too was raped as a child over a 3 year period.
I don't understand why I left my loving wife, best friend and great sexual partner. I guess maybe she couldn't understand what happened. Yes I told her. And I tried so hard to make her understand that something wasn't right with me. I dont know if she couldn't comprehend or if I wasn't able to covey my pain, but I couldn't get through to her at a time when I needed her so much. At a time when we couldn't have a child. At a time when she needed me most, needed my love and at a time when I couldn't love back. I love my girlfriend, but my wife will always be my first love.

REPLY FROM BROKEN.

There is no such thing as "cured". Only "free". Best of luck to you, new love is hard to nurture, old love is hard to let go of, but in the end it's the stuff of life, and life is good.

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#36304 - 06/24/02 08:42 PM Re: It's been a while
getteddie Offline
Member

Registered: 07/19/01
Posts: 226
Loc: Cub Hill, Md
I have done a lot of thinking about what your wife was saying while you two were breaking up...don't know what was right...just know that I really felt sorry for your wife! She wanted you to get help but you picked up a new love from work and now you are cured...Whatever...it's not for me to say... but get real!!!

Eddie


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#36305 - 06/24/02 10:05 PM Re: It's been a while
edwin garcia Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 02/12/02
Posts: 7
Loc: columbia sc
thanks for the reply but most people here are looking for positive reinforcement. my momma use to say if you cant say something nice than shut the fuck up.


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#36306 - 06/24/02 10:30 PM Re: It's been a while
Cement Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/05/02
Posts: 740
Loc: Southern California
I am not sure that I fully understand the post, or Eddie's response (was there more to the post, about the interaction before Ed and his wife split?), but as always, there is a weird nexus of experience.

First, comments...

Cured? Is there such a thing, cuz line me up for the shot if there is?

I understand the frustration with a significant other. I am feeling like I am at the jump point with my wife. But did that work? It sounds like it didn't. I think leaving is a knee jerk reaction we 'all' have, to protect ourselves the second things start to seem like they might get rough.

In my case, add in that my wife is an abuse survivor, who has been trying to trust me since she met me, and you have the ingredients for an explosive and not very fun mix.

I hope you don't mind if I take the implied advice and try to stick it out with my wife, who is great in bed, gorgeous and only occasionally threatens to leave me.

_________________________
And let the darkness fear our light.

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#36307 - 06/25/02 12:46 AM Re: It's been a while
getteddie Offline
Member

Registered: 07/19/01
Posts: 226
Loc: Cub Hill, Md
Here's someone who talks about a mother who likes his ex-wife and doesn't like the fact that there is a police restraining order against him for being a jerk by sending gross E-mails and phoneing her all night! Here's someone who was cured after a few trips to a therapist. Sympathy ploy...bullshit crybaby!!!...Keep it up the story goes on and on!!!!

Eddie


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#36308 - 06/25/02 05:37 AM Re: It's been a while
Brian B14 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/04/01
Posts: 122
Loc: New York
Eddie,

I have made some very poor decisions and have hurt myself and those who care about me due to the abuse I suffered as a child (and continue to make mistakes even today). I would be willing to bet anything that you have too. Thats the common thread that brings us all together on NOMSV.

As you well know, recovery is a "process", with many steps along the way. We are all at a different step in this process. I can remember making some conscious decisions that I knew were just the worst thing I could possibly do at the time. I did them anyway. It was only years later (about 50 steps further down the road to recovery) that I realized that I did these things because I hated myself and didn't believe that I should have anything positive in my life. It then took another 50 steps down the road, for me to stop doing these things because they were hurting the people who cared about me. Then another 50 steps for me to want to stop doing these things because it was hurting ME. Yes, it is a long process, as you know.

I am familiar with Ed's story but I am even more familiar with the anger and frustration that Ed's wife has gone through due to Ed's decisions (I live 5 miles from her). I feel terrible for the pain that "Mrs. silentnomore" has suffered. But I also understand that childhood sexual abuse has many victims, other than those who were actually sexually abused. I wish her the very best.

With that said, I would submit to you that there is a very good possibility that Ed is not as far down the road to recovery as you or I. The fact that he states he is "cured" is my first clue. He is here on NOMSV to try to deal with his issues at his own pace. I give him a lot of credit for making the effort to recover from the trauma that we are all too familar with. I wish him well in his journey and hope he is able to find NOMSV a "supportive enviroment" to assist him in that endeavor.

Eddie, you and I have talked several times in the chat room. I know that you have a lot of compassion in your heart. I respectfully request that you delete your 2 posts on this topic. We have to try to be supportive of all our members here. If we are not able to be supportive, at the very least we should be respectful enough not to be antagonistic to other members. Please consider my request.

I hope you and Babs are doing well!

God Bless,

Brian
ltb2738@hotmail.com


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#36309 - 06/25/02 07:11 AM Re: It's been a while
Broken Offline
Member

Registered: 03/25/01
Posts: 273
Loc: Huntingtun Beach, CA, US
lets kill this NOW. This isnt the fucking place. Take it somewhere else. I dont want our board filling up with this kind of mudslinging. If you have a problam with somebody, dont respond to thier damn posts, its that simple. Try to be a little more sensitive eddie, i know you have problems but you need to think before you say something. And the other ed, dont snap back at him, dont try and start something, just let it go, or if you feel like saying something, express yourself, dont encourage an argument. Cmon guys, what the hell are we doing here? Relax, let it out, heal, dont lash out.


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#36310 - 06/25/02 12:59 PM Re: It's been a while
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
A French philosopher Voltaire said, "I disaprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it"

But let's NOT get personal about it please.

Lloydy

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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