Iíll try to make this as short as possible. Bottom line is my mother has been verbally abusive all my life, and still is today. In a way it was a lot like my sexual abuse when I was younger. Anyway, she always seems to call me when she wants to fight with someone, and like a dumb ass I always let her do it. Iíve talk to my t about it and he tells me to NEVER talk to her again. He says mothers donít talk to there kids that way and you are not a kid, you are a grown man. I have the power to change that, and a lot of people in your situation divorce there family and find a new one, one that will respect you.
After thinking about it, I donít talk to my kids that way nor would I ever! And I wouldnít let my wife talk to my kids that way, I would leave her and take the kids so she couldnít ever do that again.
With that said, my mom continues to call and do this to me. So the other night I finally told her she is not to talk to me like that. Iím 44 years old and if she canít respect me as an adult then you donít need to call me and take out your frustrations on me.
I want say what she says to me, ether it hurts to bad, or Iím just ashamed! But after I sad that - she told my to stop acting like a little boy. And to grow up. As if I wonít let her verbally abuse me, Iím somehow being childish! With all the work Iíve been doing on me for my csa that really seemed to hurt!
My wife gets upset every time my mom calls because she has herd with her own ears what she says to me and canít believe I let her say things like that to me. If anyone else said those things I would woop there ass.
But despite alls the shit my mom puts me through, and its a lot, every now and then she will say I LOVE YOU! and as crazy as it sounds I think thatís why I let her do this to me. This might be one of the times she will say that she loves me.
Know that I told her she canít talk to me like that anymore she said she will never call me again. There is a part of me that felt great to stand up to her. To know she will never do that to me again. It felt just as good when my sexual abuse ended. To know I was not going to let it happen again.
So why does it hurt so bad deep down inside!!
All I ever wanted from her is to here her say I LOVE YOU! and now I know, for the abuse to end, thatís the way its going to have to be!!
I Fell crazy inside, and it hurts like hell! I just donít understand. WHY!!