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#362708 - 05/21/11 10:10 PM What is the BEST THING we can do to protect kids?
risingagain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/10
Posts: 595
Loc: Vancouver, BC, Canada
I want to ask my fellow survivors this question. What can we do as people, as a society, to protect this generation of kids from sexual abuse? What do you think?


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#362721 - 05/22/11 05:24 AM Re: What is the BEST THING we can do to protect kids? [Re: risingagain]
well-intended Offline


Registered: 04/15/11
Posts: 124
Loc: Belgium
I can't but notice that sexual abuse goes hand in hand with emotional poverty. Therefore I believe we, as people, as society, have a duty to develop our emotional intelligence to its full potential.

Because walls can be climbed, and rules can be breached. Ultimately a healthy gut feeling is the best defence against a foe so elusive, and so adaptive.


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#362722 - 05/22/11 06:35 AM Re: What is the BEST THING we can do to protect kids? [Re: well-intended]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11026
Loc: Denver, CO
I was a friend of a family that lives in my area, and knew the two kids from age 1 and 2 up to the present, when they are now 19 and 20. When they were young I would give them general tips on going to their mom if someone tried to hurt them. I also helped with their emotional needs, to an appropriate point for my relationship with them, so as to help minimize emotional deficits that they might otherwise have sought to fill elsewhere.

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#362731 - 05/22/11 09:07 AM Re: What is the BEST THING we can do to protect kids? [Re: FormerTexan]
ren42 Offline


Registered: 03/26/11
Posts: 54
.


Edited by ren42 (12/29/12 10:25 PM)

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#362732 - 05/22/11 09:32 AM Re: What is the BEST THING we can do to protect kids? [Re: ren42]
trb1345 Offline


Registered: 03/09/11
Posts: 73
Loc: NY
Well put Ren, I couldn't have said it better myself!

-Tommy

_________________________
Inside all of us there's a wild thing.

-My favorite book.

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#362745 - 05/22/11 03:09 PM Re: What is the BEST THING we can do to protect kids? [Re: trb1345]
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
If you notice suddence changes in behaviour or appearance, check if everything is ok.

There may not be a problem, but if there is it will probably show in the kid's face when you ask.

Best wishes - Rik

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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#362802 - 05/23/11 12:34 PM Re: What is the BEST THING we can do to protect kids? [Re: RICK57]
risingagain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/10
Posts: 595
Loc: Vancouver, BC, Canada
As I read your responses I am filled with purpose and sadness. I still feel disempowered by my abusers. I am considering organizing a walk across Canada for survivors and allies. This would be a walk of healing, of facing the shame, doubt, and fear that so many of us carry around. The past week I have been training, walking 20 km a day. The walking itself is OK, but the emotions that are plaguing me are so intense. I feel like a little boy, and that any minute, abusers could come out of the woodwork and revictimize me.

But I want to raise awareness and hopefully, not walk alone. I wish I could see all my allies. I wish to understand this better, to understand our journey, to protect kids.

Please keep responding ... what can we do? either in our personal circles or in a more public way?


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#362808 - 05/23/11 02:54 PM Re: What is the BEST THING we can do to protect kids? [Re: risingagain]
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
Education, of both children and adults about the issue of sexual abuse and what to do about it if it happens to you. That may sound wimpy to some compared to suggestions like tougher jail sentences for sex offenders (which I strongly advocate) but why focus strictly on dealing with a problem after it has happened rather than being equally pro-active about prevention? When I speak of education I mean so many things. For kids, they need to be told that if it does or has happened to them in no way was it their fault and that is OK to talk about it with trusted adults. They also need to be given direct and accurate information about their bodies from a young age in the form of sex education so that they develop ownership of their body and gain the strength to say no if someone tries to touch what isnít theirs. For adults they need to be educated to re-enforce this message to children that their body is their own and no one elseís. They also need to be educated to believe a child if he or she alleges sexual abuse, no matter what. Finally, surprisingly a lot of adults still lack the understanding that sex offenders arenít generally strange, creepy men in raincoats who hang out in playgrounds. On the contrary, they can just as well be women, and as we know are far more likely to be close to the child in the form of a family member or a friend of the family than the stereotypical stranger. Shocking so many adults donít understand that yet but hence the need for continuing education.

_________________________
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And weíll change the world.


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#362846 - 05/23/11 08:55 PM Re: What is the BEST THING we can do to protect kids? [Re: jls]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5778
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
Quote:
why focus strictly on dealing with a problem after it has happened rather than being equally pro-active about prevention?


I Googled "child assault prevention" and got over a million hits. Check out some of the programs around Canada that might help sponsor your walk. You might also find other volunteers to accompany you on this mission.

Another resource is www.stopitnow.org. While it is important to find resources to help kids who have been abused, it is better to prevent it from happening in the first place.

Good luck with your efforts.


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#362852 - 05/23/11 09:34 PM Re: What is the BEST THING we can do to protect kids? [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
risingagain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/10
Posts: 595
Loc: Vancouver, BC, Canada
"Survivors Lead the Way on Prevention"
that quote from stopitnow.org says it all...

that's how I feel. i have an opportunity to heal not only myself but to help our society heal from this larger issue.

thanks Ken


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#362862 - 05/23/11 11:32 PM Re: What is the BEST THING we can do to protect kids? [Re: risingagain]
Darkheart Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 331
Loc: Illinois
To me, i feel that society as a whole, has to become more empathic ...todays society is so cold and uncaring... Everybody lives in a separate bubble. There's no sense of community, unless tragedy happens, and even then, it is short lived ...

Sorry if i sound jaded, i just feel humanity needs to change ...there's so much hate and pain in the world today...

_________________________
My Story...

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...8711#Post348711

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#362867 - 05/24/11 01:34 AM Re: What is the BEST THING we can do to protect kids? [Re: Darkheart]
risingagain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/10
Posts: 595
Loc: Vancouver, BC, Canada
Darkheart, hmm... have you found a healing community ? What if we were to create communities that do 3 things:

1) protect children
2) heal and learn from survivors
3) face abusers, hold them accountable, and also help them rather than demonize them

The only devils in the world are the ones running around in our own hearts. That is where the battles must be fought.

~ Ghandi


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#362868 - 05/24/11 02:11 AM Re: What is the BEST THING we can do to protect kids? [Re: risingagain]
Darkheart Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 331
Loc: Illinois
Hey risingagain...

Nope, except on here ...in 3D life, i live in a typical backwoods midwest community ...

I like your idea for community!!

_________________________
My Story...

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...8711#Post348711

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#363700 - 06/06/11 04:38 PM Re: What is the BEST THING we can do to protect kids? [Re: risingagain]
vachssfan Offline


Registered: 03/08/11
Posts: 58
Loc: TX
i think all of these things are great suggestions and ideas. some of them very very touching to me (wren & rick).
when i was working on my SW degree- one of the things i read a lot on where the incidents of youthful offenders- espcially teenagers. i truly believe you cannot get an adult sexual offender rehabilitated. i just don't. it's like trying to "rehabilitate" me from liking tattoos or loving to ride my bike in the fall. you can't do that to me because its what i LIKE to do.
but, most offenders start doing so in their teens, sometimes early teens. if there's any way to *stop* it, it has to be to intervene with them when they are young, at the first sign of it, before that behavior gets set into habit and then desire. even then i dont know if that would work but it'd be a damned good place to start.

i think raising awareness in general and then doing what we as individuals can in our own lives by *truly* present to the children around us is also the best thing we can do.

on the other hand- despite all the philosophy and theology i studied in undergrad. despite what i believe to be true about the nature of man and the inherent value of the human person and the truth and radical implications of what *free will* really means- i say shoot the motherfuckers. line em up, shoot em. you let one out, they are gonna do it again. and you have more people like us- so fucking hurt and ruined and broken and we ripple out into the lives of others. the societal cost is incalculable. so fuck 'em. shoot em. every last one. every one you take out is another kid who can sleep better at night.

two very diff takes. and while i KNOW there are moral and philosophical problems with my second train of thought- i can't escape the idea that if we were less of a *kinder* or more *advanced* society, there would already be bodies.


"They will hunt again.
With years to plan.
And sharpen their teeth.
To smile, and walk free.
But no one knows.
No one knows.
Free the wolf from his cage.
Watch him hunt.
Stalk his prey.
We let them go.
They will hunt again.
Prey on the simple.
Feast in the temple.
Free the wolf?
We must put him down.
We'll put him down again.
Our protectors hide and grin."
'How are the Weak Free' - Zao

"We live in a primitive time, don't we, Will? Neither savage nor wise. Half measures of the curse of it; any rational society would either kill me or put me to some use. Do you dream much, Will? I think of you often. Your old friend, Hannibal Lecter" 'Red Dragon'- Thomas Harris

_________________________
www.memoryisaghost.blogspot.com/

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#363723 - 06/06/11 11:10 PM Re: What is the BEST THING we can do to protect kids? [Re: vachssfan]
Sterling Offline


Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 269
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada
" WOW"! MI LIKE WHAT YU WROTE. THANK YOU!


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#363765 - 06/07/11 09:58 AM Re: What is the BEST THING we can do to protect kids? [Re: Sterling]
well-intended Offline


Registered: 04/15/11
Posts: 124
Loc: Belgium
One thing that has been a crucial factor in accepting my own abuse, is a paradigm called "psychohistory". It takes what we have learned from the therapeutic, clinical setting, and applies this wisdom to history. The conclusion is that our history is drenched in child abuse. In fact, the history of childhood and the history of child abuse have been, until very recent times, virtually one and the same thing.

The point psychohistory tries to make, is so horrifying it becomes almost incredible. Yet, we need more people in the world able to stomach it, able to become conscious about exactly what kind of foe we're dealing with. The denial has to be stopped, the denial by mainstream history not excepted. Educate yourself, educate others, help the credibility of child abuse stories.


***THE FOLLOWING MATERIALS ARE HIGHLY TRIGGERING***



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