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#362708 - 05/21/11 10:10 PM What is the BEST THING we can do to protect kids?
risingagain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/10
Posts: 597
Loc: Vancouver, BC, Canada
I want to ask my fellow survivors this question. What can we do as people, as a society, to protect this generation of kids from sexual abuse? What do you think?


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#362721 - 05/22/11 05:24 AM Re: What is the BEST THING we can do to protect kids? [Re: risingagain]
well-intended Offline


Registered: 04/15/11
Posts: 124
Loc: Belgium
I can't but notice that sexual abuse goes hand in hand with emotional poverty. Therefore I believe we, as people, as society, have a duty to develop our emotional intelligence to its full potential.

Because walls can be climbed, and rules can be breached. Ultimately a healthy gut feeling is the best defence against a foe so elusive, and so adaptive.


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#362722 - 05/22/11 06:35 AM Re: What is the BEST THING we can do to protect kids? [Re: well-intended]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11113
Loc: Denver, CO
I was a friend of a family that lives in my area, and knew the two kids from age 1 and 2 up to the present, when they are now 19 and 20. When they were young I would give them general tips on going to their mom if someone tried to hurt them. I also helped with their emotional needs, to an appropriate point for my relationship with them, so as to help minimize emotional deficits that they might otherwise have sought to fill elsewhere.

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#362731 - 05/22/11 09:07 AM Re: What is the BEST THING we can do to protect kids? [Re: FormerTexan]
ren42 Offline


Registered: 03/26/11
Posts: 54
.


Edited by ren42 (12/29/12 10:25 PM)

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#362732 - 05/22/11 09:32 AM Re: What is the BEST THING we can do to protect kids? [Re: ren42]
trb1345 Offline


Registered: 03/09/11
Posts: 73
Loc: NY
Well put Ren, I couldn't have said it better myself!

-Tommy

_________________________
Inside all of us there's a wild thing.

-My favorite book.

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#362745 - 05/22/11 03:09 PM Re: What is the BEST THING we can do to protect kids? [Re: trb1345]
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
If you notice suddence changes in behaviour or appearance, check if everything is ok.

There may not be a problem, but if there is it will probably show in the kid's face when you ask.

Best wishes - Rik

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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#362802 - 05/23/11 12:34 PM Re: What is the BEST THING we can do to protect kids? [Re: RICK57]
risingagain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/10
Posts: 597
Loc: Vancouver, BC, Canada
As I read your responses I am filled with purpose and sadness. I still feel disempowered by my abusers. I am considering organizing a walk across Canada for survivors and allies. This would be a walk of healing, of facing the shame, doubt, and fear that so many of us carry around. The past week I have been training, walking 20 km a day. The walking itself is OK, but the emotions that are plaguing me are so intense. I feel like a little boy, and that any minute, abusers could come out of the woodwork and revictimize me.

But I want to raise awareness and hopefully, not walk alone. I wish I could see all my allies. I wish to understand this better, to understand our journey, to protect kids.

Please keep responding ... what can we do? either in our personal circles or in a more public way?


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#362808 - 05/23/11 02:54 PM Re: What is the BEST THING we can do to protect kids? [Re: risingagain]
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
Education, of both children and adults about the issue of sexual abuse and what to do about it if it happens to you. That may sound wimpy to some compared to suggestions like tougher jail sentences for sex offenders (which I strongly advocate) but why focus strictly on dealing with a problem after it has happened rather than being equally pro-active about prevention? When I speak of education I mean so many things. For kids, they need to be told that if it does or has happened to them in no way was it their fault and that is OK to talk about it with trusted adults. They also need to be given direct and accurate information about their bodies from a young age in the form of sex education so that they develop ownership of their body and gain the strength to say no if someone tries to touch what isnít theirs. For adults they need to be educated to re-enforce this message to children that their body is their own and no one elseís. They also need to be educated to believe a child if he or she alleges sexual abuse, no matter what. Finally, surprisingly a lot of adults still lack the understanding that sex offenders arenít generally strange, creepy men in raincoats who hang out in playgrounds. On the contrary, they can just as well be women, and as we know are far more likely to be close to the child in the form of a family member or a friend of the family than the stereotypical stranger. Shocking so many adults donít understand that yet but hence the need for continuing education.

_________________________
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And weíll change the world.


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#362846 - 05/23/11 08:55 PM Re: What is the BEST THING we can do to protect kids? [Re: jls]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5780
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
Quote:
why focus strictly on dealing with a problem after it has happened rather than being equally pro-active about prevention?


I Googled "child assault prevention" and got over a million hits. Check out some of the programs around Canada that might help sponsor your walk. You might also find other volunteers to accompany you on this mission.

Another resource is www.stopitnow.org. While it is important to find resources to help kids who have been abused, it is better to prevent it from happening in the first place.

Good luck with your efforts.


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#362852 - 05/23/11 09:34 PM Re: What is the BEST THING we can do to protect kids? [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
risingagain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/10
Posts: 597
Loc: Vancouver, BC, Canada
"Survivors Lead the Way on Prevention"
that quote from stopitnow.org says it all...

that's how I feel. i have an opportunity to heal not only myself but to help our society heal from this larger issue.

thanks Ken


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