i finally got around to reading an article on this site that was recommended to me some time ago. it was written by Ken Singer, one of the site's leaders/founders, i believe. check it out if you too feel you suffer from doing the same old useless things to try and cope with your pain like i do.
here it is: http://www.malesurvivor.org/articles/singer2.htm.
it is really great and includes an exercise that we can use to help us make healthier choices in our recovery. good luck men and God bless. sincerely,