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#362269 - 05/15/11 04:27 PM Why do people become pedophiles?
OrionH Offline


Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 20
It's funny because I hear how they all come from all walks of life but when you see them in the news they are all the same. They don't look normal. You can tell something is wrong with them by looking at them. I have never been 'surprised' to find out that someone was outed as one.
It makes me wonder how they end up becoming the way that they are and what to do with them before they break the law. Do we tar and feather them in the name of the greater good or do we wait until they do something so they can be charged? I wonder what would happen if the guy who molested me went to a therapist and said that he had an attraction to boys and was struggling to control them.


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#362271 - 05/15/11 04:41 PM Re: Why do people become pedophiles? [Re: OrionH]
earlybird Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/10
Posts: 1007
Loc: WA USA
Orion,

I believe it’s a dangerous slope to think we can spot a pedophile, that they all have “a look” that is recognizable. My daughter was abused by a minister. A thirty year old wonderful man. Never in a million years would I have suspected this kind, caring man of such a horrible act - never. But then it came out that my daughter was one of many and I was stunned.

I was raped by two very ordinary looking men. To think I should have or could have recognized something about them runs the risk of somehow I should have known and therefore done things differently. No, as much as I wish one could spot them (abusers of all types) and stop them before they abuse, we can’t. I wouldn’t want to live in a “safe” society that took everyone that someone suspected of a future crime and punished or banished them. The best we can do is be alert and try to prevent but we’ll never be able to pre-spot what a pedophile looks like or how one acts they are much too much like us with an twist that is dangerous.

_________________________
Balanced (My goal)

There is symmetry
In self-reflection
Life exemplified
Grace personified

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#362305 - 05/16/11 09:06 AM Re: Why do people become pedophiles? [Re: earlybird]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6571
Loc: Never Sugar Mountain
I am ALL for behavioral testing prior to anyone being accepted into positions of child-related trust. For example: A camp's insurance company could compel such testing prior to writing a policy with said camp. Same with schools, group homes, sports programs and GOD HELP US...the juvie prisons. But pubilc policy and commercial interests (insurance) are truly in the position to DO something within certain CSA sectors...some of the most notorious sectors.

Currently, you don't know who the perp is until he's acts and is caught. You can't convict and filter-out from society anyone until they actually commit the crime. We just simply can't do that. But our current dynamic with large groups of children (many very vulnerable) attract perps like magnets.

The criminal justice system and medical system can apply testing for mental pre-condition and active pedo-desires. Positive test results will simply disqualify the potential perp (whom will not likely even show up for the test). They can then be offered constructive help, but be disqualified from positions of child-trust.

Seem unrealistic? Yeah...it may seem that way to some. But tell the raped boy from the town's recreation program that testing was an unreasonable step, and that he had to be the revealing bait.

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#362314 - 05/16/11 10:52 AM Re: Why do people become pedophiles? [Re: Still]
Canuck Offline


Registered: 05/26/10
Posts: 57
Loc: CA, United States
I used to work in an industry that supplied technical services to police departments. They have "Lineup Books" with just photos and an identifying number. The number can be used to look up the person's identifying information and crimes committed. We used to spend lots of time playing "identify the crime type." We'd look at the photos, and call out Violent, Sex Offender, White Collar, etc... On the whole we were usually right probably 65% to 70% of the time (just a guestimation) We talked to cops all over the United States. They ALL said that if they could arrest people on their looks alone, the violent offenders would mostly be in jail.

I'm certainly not saying that it should be done that way. But I'd also disagree that profiling or relying on instinct is not a valid technique for people to be on higher alert.

God gave us instincts to protect us out there in the wild, including from each other. It wouldn't hurt if people who *Suspect* that someone might be a molester or other violent criminal would be discretely more vigilant about that person.

Incidentally: There were cops and dispatcher photos in the books too, in order to allow lineups with ""red herring" photos. We often picked some of them as violent offender types, probably as much as you'd expect to find in the general populace. Not surprising, really.


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#362321 - 05/16/11 11:28 AM Re: Why do people become pedophiles? [Re: Canuck]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1372
Loc: kansas
i have mixed emotions about this....

part of me agrees that if you feel "suspect" about a person to protect yourself and your children is upmost important.

HOWEVER, reporting people for being pedophiles/sex abusers without concrete proof, to me, is wrong...

look at guys like robbie that are getting falsely accused of things he did not do, or will do, because others were reporting him as such?

my folks were another example of this. someone called the authorities on them claiming that they were sexually abusing me, my brother and sisters. TOTALLY UNTRUE!!!! my folks have NEVER done anything like that to any of us... however, after extensive searches and questioning, coming very close to my brother, sisters and i, being taken away from my folks, have proved that did not happen... still didn't matter to the people in town... my folks got branded that for life, because of someone else falsely accused them of it.. no apologies were given.. nothing.. basically were ran out of town because of that...

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#362322 - 05/16/11 11:31 AM Re: Why do people become pedophiles? [Re: Canuck]
earlybird Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/10
Posts: 1007
Loc: WA USA
I wish it were as simple as a “look” that would determine the bad guys from the good. I just cannot accept that this is a legitimate formula to use to protect oneself and society as a whole. I do agree we have some instincts and never would suggest we not listen to those internal concerns edging us to be high alert. But to think one “can know” by a certain look or subtle behavior that “feels” odd to us is a huge error and a set up to be catch unawares as to the perp that knows how to “look” safe.

Plus

I was raped by a teacher. So for years I suspected every teacher and most anyone who had any instructional power over me. I watched them like a hawk. Kept my family safe from them. But I also belong to a church where I felt safe because everyone there looked just like me. I let my guard down and the minister there molested and raped my thirteen year old daughter along with others. My child I’d never put in harm’s way yet I drove her to his house and left her there. He simply looked okay.

My point is twofold.

1) I/we can misjudge others because of our own histories so we must be on another form of high alert - our own bias in our judgments of others
2) We CANNOT spot them (sexual abusers) and to think we can is dangerous to ourselves, our loved ones and those that we spot as predators that are not.

I’m not saying we should not be on alert or not to watch for suspicious actions and keep awake to the dangers. My only contention is to think we can just ”know” is a set up for injury either to ourselves or others.

_________________________
Balanced (My goal)

There is symmetry
In self-reflection
Life exemplified
Grace personified

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#362323 - 05/16/11 12:09 PM Re: Why do people become pedophiles? [Re: earlybird]
risingagain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/10
Posts: 597
Loc: Vancouver, BC, Canada
Wow guys
Seriously you think you can judge someone on the way they look? That is wrong on so many levels.

Pedophilia, in my opinion, is related to a wounded inner child. This is based on my observations of my perps, my mother and father. Their childhood was stolen by war and by other abusers. They never dealt with it, in fact their whole psychological profile has been to deny the past and blame their children. My mom once pulled down her pants and pointed to the c-section scar where I was born and said, "you see this, YOU DID THIS TO ME." Tears were streaming down her face.

Their choices to bury the past, and their insistence on using their kids to FIX their pain, combined with their own abuse history, in my opinion is what brought them to sexually abuse me.

Looking at my parents, most people would probably not see abusers. Not at first, anyway.

Be careful.


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#362324 - 05/16/11 12:12 PM Re: Why do people become pedophiles? [Re: risingagain]
risingagain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/10
Posts: 597
Loc: Vancouver, BC, Canada
To quote the famous Jewish spiritual text, the Talmud:

"We do not see the world as it is.
We see the world as we are."


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#362531 - 05/19/11 08:38 AM Re: Why do people become pedophiles? [Re: risingagain]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2469
Loc: UK
I agree with the others- you certainly can't tell if somebody is a paedo by how they look. It is true that often the newspapers show photos of some "weird looking" guys who have been convicted, but in general you can't tell by how people look.

As others have said people can look completely ordinary and act outwardly ordinary but may be paedos. If people start thinking that you can tell by how people look it will result in strange looking people being under suspicion and all of the real ordinary looking paedos will have free rein. As it stands organisations with children rightly monitor all of their employees, no matter how they look or what their level of respect or trust is. That way Paedos can know that there is no freedom by hiding behind stereotypes. Paedos are generally quite clever, if they think we are looking for somebody with spectacles with 2 inch lenses and messy hair then they will certainly go to specsavers (buy different spectacles). If a person did go to find help i think there is limited help out there, but some therapists do specialise in helping perpetrators, and i believe there are books on that topic. Ken Singer who is on this site would have more information on that.

Why do people become paedophiles, there are many possible reasons- the first and most popular reasoning is that abuse is about power (of course no single reason can be the whole story- there must be a whole list of things that intertwine, power can't be a reason of its own- there are many ways to have power- and many forms of abuse that people can inflict on somebody to gain a sick feeling of power, like physical and emotional). A person wants power over something (maybe they have no power anywhere else in their life), and they can have power over a child. They can totally dominate and control a child. Another idea is the sexual gratification, which although part of it clearly isn't the whole picture. People would agree that children can be beautiful- but paedos somehow have distorted this into a sexual picture. Some paedos may do it because it is a taboo to an extent, and because it is dangerous. Maybe that is their high in what is a pathetic life. Another is the idea that by abusing a child it is almost like stealing their innoccence and other qualities that the abuser may feel he/she lacks or have lost or had stolen. An abuser may want what the child has, perceived beauty and qualities, and again it relates to sexual satisfaction. However abusers should know that you can't steal those things, only destroy what you "love". Which brings me to that- some paedos feel they love the kids, this whole "boy love" business, but children are children, not adults, so that kind of equal partnership can never exist. It is abuse, however you cut it. Some abusers have low intelligence and mistakingly see children as being sexual- they may misinterpret a childs attention, but children do not have sexual desires like adults. They may want affection, but that is different.

There is obviously a lot more to say about this subject but i need to get going.

But a quick note, profiling a paedophile can be very varied, you can have a power hungry highly intelligent person at the head of a successful world-wide business or you could have some old guy in the shack down the road. Actually police officers fit the profile quite well- especially higher ones, the need to pursue law and get power is something that fits in there- seems very counter-intuitive doesn't it.

Lewis

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


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#362597 - 05/20/11 10:13 AM Re: Why do people become pedophiles? [Re: king tut]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 733
Loc: NJ
It has been mentioned here many times that the majority of abuse comes at the hands of people within or with trust from the family....the majority of cases is not by "crazy" pedos out there..although that certainly does happen...but most perpetrators are known to the victim/survivor.

No need to perpetuate myths that hurt us.

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My posts can self destruct at any time..read them while you can.

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