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#36224 - 06/24/02 01:27 AM I am dead inside
Cement Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/05/02
Posts: 740
Loc: Southern California


I am dead inside. I can only feel hurt and the fear that someone is going to hurt me. fuck them all, get them away from me...why should I put up with this?

my wife can't handle the fact that I screwed around with somebody else. I can't handle it either. I can't handle wanting to do it more, wanting to follow the girl in the short skirt in the store. I can't handle feeling enraged when someone hurts me, even accidentally.

She wants to be loved, to be adored. I love her, I adore her, but I acted out, which to her, means I don't love her at all. In fact, that means I disrepescted her...

I am not sure I can stay in this. I fall apart when someone abandons me. She used to threaten to leave all the time, then she stoped. She has threatened to leave sveral times since findong out about my acting out, and I am numb, depressed n a way I haven't been for years.

I just want it to end. Maybe she should leave...maybe it is best for both of us.

_________________________
And let the darkness fear our light.

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#36225 - 06/24/02 02:46 AM Re: I am dead inside
Ron_dup1 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/13/02
Posts: 87
Loc: Arkansas
Cement
Please take care of yourself. You were mistreated by people whom you trusted and whom should have been able to trust. It is understandable that you have issues with trust and love. I hope your wife can understand that this is about you and dealing with your past and has very little if anything to do with how you feel about her. I hope she knows you love and adore her.
Be kind to yourself,
Ron


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#36226 - 06/24/02 02:19 PM Re: I am dead inside
SoCalJohn Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 05/18/01
Posts: 510
Loc: Los Angeles, California
Cement,

Sorry your having such a rough time.

I can see how much your trying to impress yourself that what you did is not ok for you or your wife, i hope you get some balance and can get back to loving yourself some, your worth that you know.....

_________________________
I asked him about this law he spoke of, he said,,, *watch* he then asked the others to share about their lives,,, the others talked of how things were for them, how things worked in their lives,,, and as they believed, it was so.

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