I grew up In a home where there was a lot of fighting and arguing, My dad was actually the one who used to give love and affection, not the bad stuff, but the good love. Mom used to treat us as her personal slaves and used to enjoy bathing us without her shirt on, She really liked washing our bits. I only remember this after reading someone else's post. At the age of about 6 My father dropped me off at school and leaned over to kiss me goodbye, I asked him to stop as my friends would laugh at me. He did, never again did he hug or kiss me. This is a memory that stands out in my mind, as if it were yesterday. I can remember the disappointment on his face, he told me that he was expecting this day. Well from here on in it was tough for me. Mother started drinking more and Dad became more interested in his Scouts. I used to have to listen to how great this one is and how wonderful that one is, there was never a well done son I'm proud of you, it was always other peoples children. I later discovered that this same thing happened to my Brothers, I have two older brothers.

From this point on I started to look for attention, and set of pedophile radars all over town. It started when I was 9 or 10 at a friends place, when I was fondled for the first time, this happened a couple of times after that, with one guy even pulling my shorts open to look at my genitals. But the worst was yet to come.

I met someone who summed me up straight away. He saw the desperate need for love in my eyes. at this point in my life I was 12 or 13. He promised me the world. adventure, Flying, water skiing, all the stuff little boys wanted. He was, or is, I suppose, a foot fetish man, well this is were it starts. He told me that I had great feet could he look at them. Then it was can I smell them, and so it carried on. Eventually he would Masturbate while doing this, and finally he told me that I to should masturbate while he was busy so that he, yes he, wouldn't feel so self conscious. This all developed and he controlled me until I was 19. The abuse changed and became oral and touching. He had tried to get me to have full blown sex, but thankfully I managed to stay strong and avoid that. I had also started drinking at about 13 because it helped me to forget about the stuff that was happening in my life. (I later became a full blown bottle a day alcoholic.)

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