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#361302 - 05/02/11 09:01 PM small
Fissy Tsickens Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/23/08
Posts: 466
Loc: Bassett, Virginia
I wrote this a couple years ago when I first started dealing with the CSA in my past:

small

I wonder if you would really care
If you looked for me and I wasn't there.
Do I matter, to anyone?
My wife, myself, my daughters, my son?

Mistakes I've made have lost me love,
hope and trust, what my life was made of.
Forever changed, by damage past;
Forever love, that won't hold fast.

To walk into the crashing waves
and join those souls with watery graves.
The crashing surf, the salt and foam
will roll above my cold, dark home.

The yellow Bug can go to Ben;
remember when he picked it out back then?
Annie wants the old black car;
be sure she knows where repair shops are.

Caroline, my little one,
You shone on Daddy like the sun.
Keep being good and sweet and pure;
You may just be your mommy's cure.

Love of my life, we've laughed and cried;
It's been an amazing, if bumpy, ride.
Perhaps, someday, in the surf you'll see
The churning emotions that devoured me.

(I'm okay, folks...it's cool

_________________________
Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home Iíll never see

It may sound absurd...but donít be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but wonít you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
Itís not easy to be me

Top
#361305 - 05/02/11 09:33 PM Re: small [Re: Fissy Tsickens]
earlybird Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/10
Posts: 1007
Loc: WA USA
very touching, thanks for sharing

_________________________
Balanced (My goal)

There is symmetry
In self-reflection
Life exemplified
Grace personified

Top
#361542 - 05/06/11 01:16 AM Re: small [Re: earlybird]
Shadow+Walker Offline


Registered: 04/16/09
Posts: 287
Loc: desolate foggy nights, USA
I am glad youre in a better spot today, John. Your words really convey the emotion of being at the brink. When anybody gets there it is definitely time to call in some reinforcements. Look at how clouded our thinking can get. Having the cars seemed better in comparison than having Dad, the writer says. And look how at risk Caroline, the little one, is being put. She would be facing the world in all her innocense without her Dad's guidance and protection. Thank you John for taking care of them by taking care of you. Thank you for helping us realize we not alone on our lost and lonely days.
Peace,
Shadow+Walker

_________________________
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, love and self discipline. (St Paul, 2Timothy 1:7) NIV

Check out a cool song by a hot band..."Unbreakable" by Fireflight: official video at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWRJAHaOrYg

Top
#361561 - 05/06/11 12:55 PM Re: small [Re: Shadow+Walker]
Fissy Tsickens Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/23/08
Posts: 466
Loc: Bassett, Virginia
Thanks, S+W.

Yes, in a better place than I was when it all came to a head in '08. Lots of counseling, a little disclosing, family support, and the unconditional support I receive here have really helped on this journey. Still have ups and downs, but, as Chief Inspector Dreyfus from the Pink Panther movies would say, "Everyday in every way, I'm getting better and better." (twitch, twitch).

Peace,

John

_________________________
Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home Iíll never see

It may sound absurd...but donít be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but wonít you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
Itís not easy to be me

Top
#361563 - 05/06/11 02:06 PM Re: small [Re: Fissy Tsickens]
Shadow+Walker Offline


Registered: 04/16/09
Posts: 287
Loc: desolate foggy nights, USA
LOL smile I love Pink Panther! (snarl-bite)"AAAHHHH!!! I thought you said your dog didnt bite!" (reply)"...thats not my dog." He busts me up every time.

Thank you John for being here!!
Peace,
Shadow+Walker

_________________________
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, love and self discipline. (St Paul, 2Timothy 1:7) NIV

Check out a cool song by a hot band..."Unbreakable" by Fireflight: official video at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWRJAHaOrYg

Top
#361590 - 05/07/11 12:34 AM Re: small [Re: Shadow+Walker]
Fissy Tsickens Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/23/08
Posts: 466
Loc: Bassett, Virginia
Another Pink Panther fan...I knew there was something I liked about you, S+W! That and your faith...

Peace,

John

_________________________
Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home Iíll never see

It may sound absurd...but donít be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but wonít you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
Itís not easy to be me

Top


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